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YSDs Vegetarian Issues

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Sat, 08/13/2022 - 10:59am

DH had a week with YSD16 and two full days alone together with her. Not once did he sit her down and discuss healthy veg choices, look at the websites I found for him or even take her to the store. Nothing. Why am I not surprised?

He then started complaining to me about how little she ate and her poor decision making in general, with oddness about doing anything at all, no seeing her friends, and her never wanting to go out to a restaurant.

I just told him with no holding back what I thought... she's slipping into an eating disorder (he said she has lost weight and she doesn't have any to lose), he needs to sit her butt down and discuss reality and meal planning...even if she 'gets upset' continue with the conversation and stop babying her when she pulls the tear card ... she needs to start growing up and that means dealing with life and reality. That he and BM are doing her no favors and never have. If he cannot sit her down and talk than find her a counselor because it's not going to end well.

He thanked me for my candor and for how I said it, said he thinks BM is probably concerned too (no he hasn't spoken with her and LOL she handled the OSD issues so well right DH!?), and he wants me to talk with him and BM. WTH? Um, no. You are adults. This will bite me in the ass if I do tgat and I don't think BM will agree anyway. She's too slippery.

Comments

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Sat, 08/13/2022 - 11:09am

My DH85 is like this, too.  He can rationally discuss a SD60 topic with me but when it gets to talking with her, not so much.  She pulls the tear card, too, you know how sensitive these SDs are after all their COD trauma, right?

caninelover's picture

Submitted by caninelover on Sat, 08/13/2022 - 1:34pm

DH prefers to stick his head in the sand with Brattys issues instead of having a real discussion.  Can't 'upset' these delicate creatures.

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Sun, 08/14/2022 - 8:03am

You have a SO problem. More then a SK problem 

MissK03's picture

Submitted by MissK03 on Sun, 08/14/2022 - 1:42pm

One of SDs friend's (my uncles ex gfs daughter) just came of the hospital followed by an inpatient program for an eating disorder. She was there from like the 2nd week of April till last week.

Her heart rate got dangerously low that she needed to hospitalized for it. I said something to her mother in December because I couldn't sit back as an adult because god forbid something happened to her.. Her mother is the most passive person I have ever met in my life so I felt like someone needed to say something.. it still took her months and she let her daughter get to the point she did.. 

Your DH NEEDS to take this seriously. It's not something he should back burner. 

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Sun, 08/14/2022 - 9:23pm

I agree. I reminded him that I was developing an eating disorder around age 18, told him how I felt and why I did it. My mom confronted me and that helped but it was also constant feedback of my worried friends that snapped me out of it.

YSD is not strong on either of those.

He did hear me. I will be watching and giving feedback as possible. I already sense DH pushing back on me. We went to the store for ourselves yesterday and he bought YSD a bunch of things rather than taking her to the store when she gets here as he should and as we discussed. I just shook my head.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Mon, 08/15/2022 - 9:15am

they should help her by finding her a registered dietician to help her develop a healthy vegetarian mean plan.... 

your DH could also become more knowledgeable himself.. and try to join in preparing and eating vegetarian food with his daughter.

he could also seek out local restaurants with good vegetarian options and treat her to a meal out occacionally to try new things.

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Mon, 08/15/2022 - 9:35am

Yes, I've given him suggestions and provided some good online links to information for teen / girls veggies.

We already eat 1-2 veg nights a week so eating veg is not the issue, it's eating veg 100% of the time and her doing it healthily. He so far has not discussed this. She has the ability to cook on her own and she does participate when asked.

She refuses categorically to go to restaurants. We have a large veg community where we live and one super good veg cafe (most places provide several veg dishes a night), but it's not that. She won't eat what someone she doesn't know prepared.