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Balancing the needs of step and bio children

Slipperymick's picture

Submitted by Slipperymick on Wed, 09/03/2014 - 4:11pm

Forums: 
Step/Bio Father's Den

I am a new father (14 month old son) and have a 7 year old SD. I am caring for both the best that I can but have noticed that I am getting overly protective of my BS when it comes to my SD. How do I make sure that I am not alienating her?

Another question. Where might there be a good forum for dealing with the never ending headache of my wife's ordeal with her ex on all a things custody of my SD? This consumes my wife and is making me critical to how she cares for our BS.

Thanks
Slippery Smile

Orange County Ca's picture

Submitted by Orange County Ca on Wed, 09/03/2014 - 4:56pm

It's normal to be protective, the trick is to not let it show. You recognize the problem so you're half "cured". Now just make sure you don't over-react when the girl is around the baby.

Give us a specific incident that we can address and put it in a new Thread.

tessa12's picture

Submitted by tessa12 on Wed, 09/03/2014 - 6:30pm

My children (both biological) nearly the same ages as yours. It's not like having a three or four year old who may hit an infant/toddler. My seven year old knows never to be rough with my toddler, his little sister. What do you mean by protective? Like OC said, can you give an example?

Slipperymick's picture

Submitted by Slipperymick on Wed, 09/03/2014 - 8:46pm

Thanks for the replies.

As for being protective, recently we were in the car on a long ride and I witnessed her covering his face with her pillow. My reaction was like nothing I had ever had before. I said something about her doing that might be the last time she ever has hands to use (implying I would take her hands). This was so far out of character for me. My SD's mother (my wife) felt my reaction was normal, and was equally mad, but obviously didn't imply retaliation like I did.

I am also concerned that my feelings for my SD are changing as a result of her BF's continuous source of negativity in my wife's day to day life. I am worried that my wife's frustrations with her custody situation are manifesting themselves into various emotional outbursts directed at her daughter, me, and my BS.

Okay - I am not sure where to take this stuff so decide to vent here.

Thanks for listening.

Slippery