Stressed Out!
Our marriage has been great except for the fights about my SD. She is extremely dis-respectful, ungrateful, annoying to be around, and lazy. It's hard to explain except to say she has a very "hateful" disposition. My side of the family cannot stand to spend time around her. When i make comments my wife says i am just picking on her or that I have nothing "good" to say about her daughter. Sadly, I wish i could but I have a very hard time coming up anything positive to say about her.
Even to this day I still have to compete with her in order to hold my wife's hand, sit next to her at dinner, etc. I cant count the times she has physically cut me off while walking in order to "get next to Mommy", I'm like really? are you 3? I feel bad but I often ask Myself do I like my wife more than I dislike my SD? Is this worth it? Will it ever end?? Hopefully she will leave for college as planned but given her clingy nature I have my doubts.
It will never end.
When, or if she gets a BF it may get better. But I would not hold out for that.
How old is the little cherub?
How old is the little cherub?
15 years old. Yes, hopefully
15 years old. Yes, hopefully the boyfriend angle will come into play! although, I am afraid she will turn off a good number of boys acting like this!
That is entirely dependent on
That is entirely dependent on how "friendly" she is with the boys.
Is this worth it? Will it
Is this worth it? Will it ever end?? Hopefully she will leave for college as planned but given her clingy nature I have my doubts.
Please understand that waiting for SD to turn 18 and/or her leaving for college is not the cure all. This enabled behavior will not change because your wife sees nothing wrong with it and allows it. This child will always be a thorn in your @ss for as long as your wife doesn't put her foot down and address her poor & disrespectful behavior.
As always, your wife is the
As always, your wife is the problem here. She needs to set limits on her daughter.
It's hard to open that door
It's hard to open that door with her. ANY comment or suggestion I make is viewed as attacking her daughter. What is the best way to approach this in a non threatening way with her?
How many of you guys have
How many of you guys have eventually bailed out? at what point does the daily stress take it's toll? I dont like going home at night anymore which I know sounds ridiculous!!
I would just tell DW that you
I would just tell DW that you are considering leaving because you don’t feel like you are in a marriage.
Baring something tragic, it
Baring something tragic, it never ends. Unless your DW actuallty steps up and parents. That... is even less likely than something tragic.
Good luck.
Any Character Flaw You Find With SD, DW Feels Attacked Because
deep down she knows SHE is the problem, the enabler and facilitator of the behavior in her DH.
IT does not get better with age, (like wine or cheese, lol). Quite the contrary because entitled, privileged kids grow up to be adults with those flaws.
I know you've got some years invested here, but your DW has made it clear who is first in her life, and it surely is not you, unfortunately.
Please get out and give yourself time to mend, and find a lady with less baggage who'll treasure you and put you first!
Its a bit disheartening to
Its a bit disheartening to hear you have dealt with this for 25years! OMG you poor soul.
Wow your predicament sounds exactly like my situation! Even this morning my wife was talking about getting SK15 up and ready for school and getting her medicines ready. I'm thinking "really? are you going to put on her diaper and dress her too? No wonder the kid cant put a dish is the dishwasher, take her dogs out, or empty an overflowing kitchen trash bag!
Yeah, I mean, you can try the
Yeah, I mean, you can try the "I'm considering leaving" thing with your spouse, but it likely won't work. You will hear "you are trying to make me choose" or "you hate my kid" or some other bullshit nugget of guilt and manipulation. And then she will know you are planning on leaving and could take adverse action against you. Likely, you are better off planning your exit without her knowing so you can get your stuff in order proper before you do.
Sorry.
I also have my soulemate - Both of you need to unify
Trust me, I know 1st hand how hard it is to get the wife to say Boo to the bio kids. If you two are soulemates then I suggest: Take her out just the two of you or better an overnight get away. Talk with her calmly and openly about the behaviors you see and how this makes you feel devalued, etc. Ask her to please do a mommy/daughter day (heck, offer to pay for an outing). If she is your soulemate, then tell her that you absolutely feel that you have a horrible relationship with SD15 but if she will help you that this could be good.
Your wife absolutely Must set the boundaries. She cannot tell the SD how to feel about you but she MUST make sure that SD understands that you are her husband, she loves you dearly, it hurts mom to see SD act this way, that you have both their backs and that you want to know more about what SD wants from you. Yes, this is soft peddling but simply waiting will not work!!
I have a 28 year old SS still living at home. We have been married 7 years, I have 2SS and no bios. Up until the last two years, the relationship was not great. Both boys were slobs, disrespectful to Mom and me, the youngest even said 'that man' has done nothing for me other than financial (sure, ya know caring for you when you were sick, sitting up all night in the ED because I was worried about you, taking you places no matter the inconvenience because I want you to have the experiences, on and on). That was the youngest who is now launched well, a great dad/husband (23) and we now have a really good relationship but it took active work. The oldest (SS28) well that still ebbs and flows. Generally a really good relationship but being at home at 28 (yes, paying rent) has been a big contention and source of some nasty fights between my wife and I so please act now. Also, find a Good counselor and get the wife to go with you.