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Equity Life Partnership.

Rags's picture

I use the term "equity life partnership" frequently here.

I had an epiphany this afternoon on what I mean by ... equity life partnership.

A very dear friend of ours and her STBXDH of 34 years is struggling with fighting for "us" while he gaslights her, cuts her off from money, threatens to kill himself, blames it all on her.  She is ready to finally file, while she holds out hope for them.   IMHO, and in my brides opinion their marriage is not salvageable.  Yet, our dear friend continues to sacrifice herself on the alter of toxic mariage victimhood.c.. he was the breadwinner and suddely cut her off from all resources, stopped providing her with funds to address her health issues and treatements, and did not pay their property taxes, etc.  She keeps setting up a series of tests that he invariably fails and rather than taking action, she looks for a sliver of change in him, finds none, breaks down, and then sets up another test.  I finally told her she needs to care more for herself than for the past that no longer exists.  She responded that she struggles everty day with the past, the present, and the future.  

At the end of today's conversation I told her that no one can change the past but anyone can choose how they move forward.

So, with that... back to equity life partnership.  By equity life partnership I do not mean monitary or financial contribution equity.  

Equity life partnership.

Equity of respect.

Equity of effort.

Equity of commitment.

That is what I mean by equity life partnership. It has nothing to do with money.




Rumplestiltskin's picture

I agree that there are various ways to contribute to the partnership and they don't just involve money. As long as both are putting in equal effort and they agree on the division, it works. My mom never worked but she took care of us, the house, the meals, and i can honestly say she held up her end to the best of her ability. 

SeeYouNever's picture

Sounds like my MIL and FIL relationship. He is a serial cheater and she is a "toxic victim" as you've coined the phrase. It's almost as if she likes to be hurt so she can tell everyone about it and gain pity and attention. She's insecure and just wants to "win" FIL, I guess this is what happens when a relationship begins with you as the other woman, she will never trust him, and she has never had self esteem because she accepts a sh*try situation. It's almost like being the angry wounded spouse is her personality now.

My DH told her he doesn't want to hear about any of this unless she intends to do something about it. He's not going to just listen and give her pity and attention. She uses her victimhood to manipulate others, it's very very toxic!