Today from a former STalker - A monk once said:
"Imagine being bitten by a snake.
and instead of focusing on healing
from the poison,
You chase the snake to
understand why it bit you and to
prove that you didn't deserve it."
There is a lot of the chasing of the snakes that goes in for so many in the blended family universe. Invariably everyone sees and knows exactly who and what the snake is. Rather than cutting the head off of the snake and focusing on healing, so many chase and talk with the snake to try to understand why it bit us thus being the snakes eternal chew toy. Then so many of us try to convince ourselves and anyone and everyone else that we did not deserve it. Hint: We didn't deserve it. That is nearly a universal given for those who choose a shit person with shit spawn. Invariably those two classifications of people in blended family world go together. With few exceptions. Though they are rare exceptions.
All of this effort to convince the snakes and everyone else that we are not the problem and little energy goes into actually solving the problem and healing.
KISS
When the snake bites, cut off its head. When the snake's spawn bite, cut off their heads. The head being the behaviors that they perpetrate. If they severed head was not an effective painful lesson, turn them into the historic lessons and fertilizer for moving on and living our best lives.
KISS, the noise of healing Vs HISS, the noise heard by the one who chooses to keep embracing the pit of snakes.
IMHO of course.
Yes.
I get this. Too many of us appear to worry about what others think and this, in turn, causes more pain for ourselves. Those who matter will treat you right, those who don't are not my people. There is a freedom in knowing the difference.
I love this. The hand
I love this. The hand-wringing, the trying to figure it all out, the questioning of ourselves, the trying to place logic on the illogical, the discussions/conflict with the illogical. All of this is a distraction that keeps us from living our best lives. Which is the intent of the trouble maker(s). They do intend to hurt and punish. We should not forget that.
I spent the first two years of our marriage wringing my hands, questioning what I did wrong, fighting with my husband, and damn sure not having any honeymoon period because of BM's attacks and DH, as has been referenced in here, wanting to keep the peace. Even after we shut the snake down and gained some peace and sanity, we were dealing with the leftover skid bs. I look back with sadness on the years I was way too distracted by this crap. Those people didn't deserve an ounce of my worry, thoughts, concern, and most definitely not my pain.