I think DH and I are as prepared as we can be for BM to ramp up her PAS. I mean, to be fair, BM didn't really stop her PAS after court last year. BM and GF sent SS with the kid's smartwatch with GPS tracking out of "fear of human trafficking" during our visitation, they sent that damn perfume covered stuffed animal for every visitation "in case SS missed them" and BM made those allegations of abuse with a Nerf gun this summer. Prior to court, BM used to directly attack DH via email/text, where now she alienates passively through SS by attempting to make SS homesick/worried/scared when he is with us. 

BM expects SS to be the center of DH's universe forever. We spent the last 4 years cycling between waiting months for SS to visit and then mourning the loss when he left. We have grown to accept that life doesn't stand still just because BM and SS think it should and DH and I refuse to base our entire lives around a kid we see 6 weeks per year, so we will continue to move, advance in jobs, grow our family, travel, and live our lives. We will continue to reiterate to SS that we love him, he is a part of our family, and we always enjoy spending time with him. If SS PASes out at some point, there is nothing we can do, that is on BM. DH and I both understand that SS may PAS out despite our best efforts, but it is out of our control. 

With that being said though, I already told DH that I will not allow BM to use our daughter as a topic of conversation to insert herself into our lives and further abuse us. We will not be entertaining "SS told me that baby cried for two hours and you guys did nothing, which concerns me if you care for SS the same way..." type bullshit. DH has already said that if BM tries to bring up our daughter in communication, DH will make it clear to BM that our daughter is none of BM's business and all communication regarding daughter will be ignored, even if it includes SS. BM is not going to tell us how to raise our daughter under the guise of "SS' best interest."

We understand that life will be different when DD arrives and DH does take care of SS. While I understand that BM and GF do not control our home, our us theirs, it doesn't prevent them from trying. We don't allow BM to affect our home for the most part as we have gone through hell to establish strong boundaries, but I could live without the email manifestos and bullshit tactics that she pulls to attempt to remain relevant. DH and I can't wait until SS turns 18 and we can block all contact with BM for good! 

Thank you! Yes, our BM is quite terrible and frankly, her GF isn't much better. I have noticed over the years that GF has a lot of insecurities about her role in SS' life and not having a nuclear family with BM/not being SS' Mom, so GF is equally as terrible on the PAS front. Sometimes I think some of the tactics, like the GPS smartwatch, are more GF than BM and some of the things SS has said in the past confirm that. That's why we are telling SS the news in person, during our visitation, so one, BM and GF can't eavesdrop and then control the narrative, and two, so we can have a few days with SS to help him process the information before returning to BM and GF. 

My perspective has already changed so much just being pregnant. I used to experience terrible anxiety in regards to BM, GF, and SS. I am talking PTSD like symptoms - sweaty palms, panic attacks, flash backs, and recurrent racing thoughts. Since finding out I was pregnant, all of that stopped. Now, I find BM and GF annoying at most, but I don't experience the debilitating anxiety that I used to. Maybe it is Mama bear mode, I don't know. I just hope that BM stays quiet like she has been for the past 6 months and we don't hear much from her, but I have a feeling that won't be the case. I just wish we could block her out completely; no communication, no pick ups and drop offs, nothing. Oh well, only 8 more years. My focus at this point is our daughter 100%, the rest doesn't matter at all, I just wish dealing with BM and GF wasn't so annoying.