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SS14 Excessive neediness for DH is Beyond odd. Opinions why??

Heathergreener12's picture

SS14 was never normal BUT once SS14 hit middle school it got bad. I'm NOT talking about teen hormone stuff but SS14 Obsession with DH and each year it gets worse. Below are just SOME examples...

1. SS14 is ALWAYS wanting hugs from DH. I'm taking ten or more a day for no reason. DH could be in the middle of making dinner and SS14 will come in for no reason and just want a hug from DH. DH and SS14 could be watching tv and out of the blue SS14 will want a hug from DH. 
2. SS14 needs to sit next to DH in restaurants/fair rides. Anything that only fits two people I'm stuck either sitting or riding behind DH because SS14 will throw a crying fit otherwise. Remember SS is 14 NOT 5.

3. First thing SS14 does when he gets up in the morning is run around looking for DH. SS14 will even follow DH around like a lost puppy. 

4. The newest issue and mort Annoying thing SS14 does is make rude comments whenever DH and I kiss or say anything romantic to each other. Kiss I mean a Quick peck not some long makeout Session. SS14 will tell us to get a room or don't do/say that stuff around him as he does not want to see/hear it. SS14 is NOT being funny but means it. It really bothers SS14 when DH shows me any kind of affection. 

Now SS is not cuddling with me at all. SS14 basically Ignores me unless I start to talk to DH then SS14 will try and get involved. SS14 is not like this with BM either. BM complains all the time SS14 never wants to do anything with her and spends all his time in his bedroom. Jesus I wish we had that problem! 

Like I said SS14 was not like this intill 10 or 11 years old. Now he acts like a 5 yr old girl with daddy. 


Wicked stepmo.'s picture

That is odd behavior from a 14 year old. It makes me wonder what underlying issue he has. Anxiety, attachment? Was there a lot of conflict between DH and BM? Did BM have stability, did she move a lot, have different relationships? 

My SDs are screwed up because BM and SO spent thier early years in court. BM would deny visitation, hide the kids from him. She would move again and again and had new boyfriends every few months. She was in and out of their lives. SDs always had different caregivers. 

I truly believe OSD has reactive attachment disorder because she was older and aware during the most chaotic years between BM and SO. YSD is socially and emotionally delayed with extreme anxiety because of the lack of nurturing when she was young. When they were with BM hey were being raised by their older sister who was under 13. 

If you were to meet either of them Thier issues are blantently obvious. OSD is very cold and unemotional except for fits if rage and presents much younger than her actual age.

YSD also presents much younger than her actual age and is very needy for attention. She has extremely poor social skills. Many of the things she doea most 13 year olds would be embarrassed to do and she does inappropriate things and makes sure to announce it becauae she is doing it for attention. She has absolutely no idea that her behavior is embarrassing. 

Heathergreener12's picture

BM and DH hate each other. Years in and out of court fighting. SS knows this. BM has never moved or denied DH his visitation which by the way is almost 50/50. BM does not even date as her life is totally devoted to SS. Maybe this could be part of SS14 Jealousy over me and Constant need for reassurance/attention from DH as DH has a life outside of SS14?? SS14 is also very Immature and has close to zero social skills. Never had any close friends and just within the last two years developed sort of friendships between two or three kids. Sort of meaning never does anything with them outside of school. Sits with them at lunch and talks between classes but that's about it. SS14 like I said really acts like a 5 yr old girl. 

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

SS may have anxiety issues. ExH and I also hated each other and I could feel the tension before even walking  in the house. One day watching DS chew on his shirt at 6 I realized he was feeling the same things I was and was anxious.

I put him in therapy right away and between years of that and me pushing boundaries with him and teaching him coping skills. He is doing just fine. But if I hadn't done those things I could see him being needy and clingy too.

ESMOD's picture

This is definitely head scratching behavior for a 14 year old boy to be acting this way towards his father.  We much more typically see this behavior in girls... or in boys towards their mothers.  

What does your DH feel about this?  Does he see it as abnormal?  Has he thought his son might need some therapy?

I mean.. the last item is probably the MOST normal... for a kid to groan or not want to see their parents PDA... that is really not unusual... but the rest of it is a bit odd.

Heathergreener12's picture

DH does not say much. I've Mentioned how weird it is to DH but DH does not say much either way. DH does not Encourage this behavior but does nothing to stop it. So odd as SS is NOT like this at all with BM. At BM's SS14 stays up in his room except for eating. Now as much as I hate BM I do know SS's loves BM so it's not that SS loves DH more

Evil4's picture

I've been trying to figure it out for 25 years. My SD is 31 and a mom herself, yet she's literally obsessed with DH. I can't f*cking stand it. DH and I are in couples counselling mainly because of his enabling of SD's obsession, neediness and uber-clinginess of him. It never ends. They don't just grow out of it. It's bloody weird. Now that SD has had a baby, she's enmeshing her baby with her. She always has to have the baby literally on her. She sits for hours on end with the baby on her. And I mean literally ON her. SD will actually complain that she's been sitting there with baby on her while he sleeps for three hours and she really needs to pee and is about to piss her pants. Even my DDstb21 says WTF? Why on earth do you find it necessary to almost piss your pants rather than gently move your baby off of you so you can go to the can?!!!! I've never been able to figure out if it's an attachment issue or narcissism or what. SD has always been way far behind in doing things for herself because DH and BM have done EVERYTHING for her. Also, SD would get invites for playdates at school, but lie and say she had to go home right after scool just so she could cram herself up DH's ass. Throughout her childhood, she would also say she doesn't want to grow up. F*cking weird!!!!

Rags's picture

Another inspiring story about complete and total parental failure.


I am thinking it is time to end this crap now.  Any time SS-14 nuzzles up to daddy it needs to be met with an immediate "Knock it off!" by you and your mate.  No more riding amusements park rides with daddy while you are relegated to riding alone or with a stranger. If SS has a melt down in public, stand him by the exit and you and DH ride together.  Drag SS through the park in the midst of a total meltdown if that is what the infantile teen chooses.  No more catering to this stunted victim of shitty parents.


Disengageme's picture

It sounds like he's got anxiety issues and may be jealous of your relationship I think. My ss11 is jealous of our baby and it took him waking the baby up by banging on the walls three times in a row for me to convince dh it wasn't an accident. Maybe dh isn't being stern enough either if he's allowing the behavior to continue. Sometimes you and dh may want a simple trip to the grocery store to have some time alone. He's old enough to stay home so you can do that in my opinion. Best of luck to you. I always dread summer time myself. Lol 

Dogmom1321's picture

This is weird from a 14 yo boy. Usually it's girls with their dads. Nevertheless, it seems like he has a lot of anxiety and maybe very low self esteem? He is desperately seeking attention. It seems like he is viewing your relationship with DH as a competition. Maybe try giving him attention for POSITIVE behaviors and see if it can correct himself. 

Sidenote: SD acted like this... when she was 5 though. Constantly comparing us. "You're prettier than me. Your clothes are nicer than mine. Daddy loves you more. etc. etc. " I definitely can see SD (now 11) having it turn into "daddy issues." 

Help Appreciated's picture

Omg this sounds exactly like my boyfriend's 11 year old son! Follows him around the house, will find a reason to talk to him while bf is in the bathroom, constantly touching him-- laying/sitting on top of him, rubbing his hand/back/face/arm/chest, always saying I love you a million times a day. He asked his 14 year old sister "are you going to get married when you're older and live with your husband?" She said "idk probably" he said "not me, I want to live with my daddy" WTF?!?!? He is literally obsessed with my BF. Won't stop talking or asking questions so that him and I can't talk. If I say something he's cutting me off/interrupting. Gave BF a Father's Day card and wrote on it "My love dada" (he still calls him dada like he's a baby)'s so beyond weird. He is absolutely exhausting and overbearing. 

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

It's sounds like anxiety/ attachment issues. Now that he is older and more aware. He sees BM is alone and like you said dedicates her life to him. So he has security in that relationship.

He knows relationships end because his parents did.

He may be subconsciously worried DH will push him aside and not be his father anymore because he has you to replace him. He may be perceiving the fact that he is older and being encouraged to be more independent as rejection. 

Heathergreener12's picture

The fact BM has NEVER been in a relationship or even dated since DH meaning SS14 has BM all to himself. SS14 has said on more than one occasion he does NOT want to become a adult because he does not want to work or be independent. SS14 likes to be taken care of and Babied. So odd when I was a teen I could not wait to grow up so I could be more independent from my parents