I'm new here! Can't seem to like my SS7&SS11...Help?!
I can't believe I found this site! I would be so grateful for some advice!
First off, I am NOT married yet. I am engaged to a great guy, however his sons have given me a reason to put off the wedding.
My fiance and I have been together for two years. He has full custody of his two sons, ages 7 and 11. (Their mother is in jail, so no BM problems....yet!)
The problem is his sons are spoiled little sh*ts!!! They have always been given whatever they want by their maternal grandparents because they feel guilty for their daughter being a loser. They have also been given extravigant gift from my fiance because he felt guilty that their mother was not around. This was before he and I got together.
When I entered the picture I saw the situation for what it was and told my fiance it was unacceptable. An ADHD child (SS7) should NOT be allowed to drink half a gallon of chocolate milk a day. Nor should he be allowed to stay up until 1 or 2 am, simply because he does not want to go to sleep. My fiance decided I was right, and vowed to change. Which he has. The children now have a bedtime, have rules and structure. The problem is, they HATE me for it. They see me as the end of their reign if terror, and lash out because of it.
Added to this problem is the fact that my fiance SEES that im not affectionate with his boys. And it bothers him. I have tried to explain that if a child is not going to behave, I will not reward them by giving hugs, snuggles, treats, etc. This makes my fiance mad because he thinks I should simply love them the way he loves my two children. BUT my two are toddlers. They have been raised in a structured environment, and are polite, well-mannered kids. I.E. Easy to love!!!
This leads to my second problem, my kids see/hear horribly innapropriate behavior in my step-sons, and have started to talk back, whine, etc. Just like the boys. I do NOT want them acting like these kids!!!!!
I don't know what to do. I have even thought of leaving my fiance because of this. HELP!
Sorry this was so long...