BM getting out of jail...
I know this isn't QUITE the forum for this post, but I didn't know where to put it.
My fiance's has two boys with his ex. She had a-bad-drug problem and when they split up, my fiance was paying child support but she left the boys with her parents and took off. My fiance got custody, and we have been raising them for 2 years.
Now, after almost 5 years of being mostly OUT of the boys' life (sometimes by choice, for the last 3 years-incarcerated), she is getting out of jail. She has started calling them collect from jail, and writing them letters. The boys tell us she talks about getting them back when she gets out and how much she loves them. When SS11 got in BIG trouble for stealing (cops called, no charges) she told him that she was sure he hadn't done it, not her baby, and "he could do no wrong in her eyes".
I don't know how to handle the thought of her getting out of jail and being in the picture. What happens if she gets out, and she wants custody. Even worse, what if the boys want to live with her?! Their father will fight for them, obviously. But he will be heartbroken if the boys choose to live with a loser mother, and not a hard working father who has busted his a$$ for them. I don't think their relationship will be the same if this happens...
When people are in jail they
When people are in jail they talk a good game. If she is about to get out then she probably has lots of unrealistic expectations about what is going to happen when she gets out. Does DH have legal custody of the children? Has he gone to court to get the paper work sorted out. If not then he should do that. If he has done that then the burden is going to be on her to first get a job, get a place, stay clean, etc. From experience with my brother and SIL I can tell you, they never do what they need to do to actually get their kids back.
^^THIS
^^THIS