Feck You, ET
Eternal Teenager came by tonight to deliver YSS some clothes and gifts she bought him. Keep in mind that it has been over a month since she has seen him, so he wasn't exactly warm and open to seeing her.
He CERTAINLY didn't warm up any more as she decided to drone on about all the awesome things she's doing at her new house (read: GBM's house she doesn't live in, so ET and her DH#3 are living there for free). She and her DH are getting a puppy, and oh, YSS, what kind of puppy would you like? They're fixing up the house (that is an hour away from where YSS lives and goes to school)! They leased a new car! They're going to Texas in the summer, and oh, YSS, woud you like to come?
Over a month since she saw her kid. Her kid that moved in with us FT because she couldn't keep the lights on or pay her rent. Her kid that threatened suicide and f**king meant it because we had to return a knife of hers tonight that DH found in YSS's room after he moved in that he admitted to having to hurt himself with. She hasn't once asked about his therapy (except tonight after DH gave her the knife), or talked to DH about when she wanted to have YSS (again, until tonight, and it was all directed to YSS and not to DH), or talked to DH about how school is going (until tonight).
Oh, but we DO know that her and her DH went on a lovely day trip in their leased car for Valentine's Day. Apparently she isn't concerning herself with how YSS is because DH and I are f**king terrified to leave him alone for longer than 2 hours until we feel he is more stable.
She stayed about 30 minutes because YSS was having none of the visit. One word answers, physically backing away from her, and being super non-commital about things. I'd almost feel bad for her, but how F**KING dumb do you have to be to be gone for a month after you can't afford to provide a home for your kid and then think he's going to be thrilled about you wasting money on sh*t that doesn't benefit him!
Remember, pays ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for these boys. NOTHING. DH covers it all except for gifts. She doesn't even pay for the roof over her own head, FFS!
I'm angry for YSS. He broke my GD heart yesterday when he told me that he didn't tell his friends where he lived when he lived with ET because they didn't live anywhere long enough. As soon as she left, he was right back to chatting with us (and we've had some good chats recently - we even found him a physical activity he wants to try out). He's so angry at her, and I can't blame him.
OH, did I mention that her new career goal is to be a bartender at a dive bar? No joke. That's what she wants her next job to be. Yep, REALLY paying for those college funds, cell phones, health insurance, etc for your kids with a career like that, ET!
Feck her. Just feck her. Her teenagers have more maturity than she does, and she's nearly 40 years old. I can't handle the stupidity.
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Comments
That selfish, insensitive,
That selfish, insensitive, abhorrent twunt! She needs a double Flying Five Fist Monkey C*** Punch. *diablo*
Thank goodness YSS has you and your DH. <3
She needs a lot of things. I
She needs a lot of things. I'd settle for a ring-side seat when YSS blows his fuse on her.
Definitely!
Definitely!
It would not surprise me in
It would not surprise me in the least if, in addition to being angry with her for not giving a flying fig about him for the past month, he's also angry about how she raised him, now that he's been full time in a stable home with competent, mature adults who care for him and want the best for him. I'm sure the contrast is striking, and it may not have been a contrast that was quite as apparent when he was mostly with BM. MOTY, that one.
That's a good observation. I
That's a good observation. I also think not having OSS around as a buffer is contributing to his feelings, too. OSS has some strong feelings about ET, and it wouldn't surprise me if those rubbed off on YSS. They both don't verbally express their discontent much, but their body language certainly says a whole lot, probably more than what their brains are even telling them they feel.
That poor boy
Remind me again, how old is he? You have the older boy, too, dont you? I feel so bad for YSS, this is heartbreaking.
We had a similar situation but not nearly as bad as this. I really feel for you. Stay strong and stable, they need you. All best wishes for the best possible outcome.
YSS is nearly 15, and OSS is
YSS is nearly 15, and OSS is nearly 19. OSS is an entirely different problem right now, and he's about to be treated like his brother this summer if he doesn't come up with a plan for employment while he is in college and home for the summer. But, that's a whine for another day...
What a piece of crap. He's
What a piece of crap. He's lucky to get out of her home at 14, maybe he has a chance now.
God I hope so. I just couldn
God I hope so. I just couldn't believe she kept droning on and on and didn't seem to realize that it was upsetting YSS more and more. He kept looking to DH and I while she was talking, and the best we could muster was a supportive smile to him.
I believe he does. If my SS
I believe he does have a chance. If my SS could have gotten out at 14 and begun to honestly see who his mother is, he'd be in a totally different place now at 21. Instead he's still in the Cult of Mom and years behind developmentally.
What a toxic b@tch!
What a toxic b@tch! Seriously it reads that ET was just there to brag about how great her life is now that YSS is gone!
I really really hope your DH isn't still paying her CS, but I would understand if he is.
He is partially. I have never
He is partially. I have never agreed with this, but he was COed to pay $100/week when they got divorced (he always paid way more than his CS) and then voluntarily upped it as he got promotions and made more money. He felt she deserved it, used the state calculator to figure it all out, and just gave her cash. He stopped giving her that money, but the COed piece is still in place.
I've told him we need to talk to an attorney and get this settled. Get a new CO where she is NCP but doesn't owe anything, or owes something like $100/month that we can toss into their 529 accounts. He is afraid that if he rocks that boat that she'll take YSS back out of spite, and we really think that would push YSS to kill himself. I think once we're moved and YSS keeps making it clear he doesn't want to stay with her that DH will change his tune. It's not so much a "don't want to" right now as it is "this isn't the right time". I wholeheartedly disagree, but I also see that his fears have some legitimacy.
ETA: Honestly, the CS piece is the least of my worries. I just don't want her to walk in one day and take him back. Based on how she acted last night, I don't think she'll do that unless YSS starts kissing the ground she walks on, but it's impossible to know what she'll do if she is upset.
Our OSS, 45 years later
We had a similar situation with OSS, not as extreme as the abandonment you have but the same dynamic: BM "let him go", romped on with her own life and left a confused, disappointed 15yo who seldom saw or heard from her altho she only lived 10 miles away.
He went thru severe depression in his 30's, moved back here for a couple years, was alcoholic, had several doomed relationships, a divorce. The good news is that he is now 57, came out of it , is married to a good person and is okay. It was interesting to see that his wife is the total opposite of BM: she isnt pretty or feminine but is smart, quiet, doesnt wear makeup, doesnt like to go out, is religious, is very close to her parents. There couldn't be a greater contrast.
It was poignant that during BM's final months, when she was sick at home, OSS went there frequently. BM's husband was working and neither he nor the doctors knew exactly what was wrong with BM. Her life-long hypochondria probably kept everyone from taking her illness seriously. OSS went and sat with her many days and called 911 to finally take her to the hospital where she later died.
ET = BM here. Never had money
ET = BM here. Never had money to do anything with skids (even when SO was giving her $650 a month not court ordered) but would post on social media (for her kids to see) her 25k bike, hair, tattoos, getting f'n married and not telling them. Who knows what else.
You guys need a new custody order. That's what we did. It had to be done and was long over due. More then likely, she will agree. We didn't know she would stop taking them completely but, didn't give her an option to "take them back" if something were to go wrong in her life. Example.. her and her husband break up or whatever.
I understand your frustration. I live it still 3 years in of having them 100% full time. Worthless pieces of sh*t. IMO.
EDIT: because SO and I just talked about this... BM didn't/ hasn't yet even made an attempt to teach SS17 and SS16 how to drive. They both get their license in about a month and half. My guess.. she didn't want to risk something happening to her car. So here is yet another milestone in their lives that she won't be apart of by her choice. It's not like it cost money to let them drive around besides maybe 5 bucks in gas.
"ET"
Same here POS BM. BM has only
Same here POS BM. BM has only seen YSD for a total of 4 hours in 5 weeks.
Today BM stopped by because YSD made her a gift and she lied to YSD saying she was babysitting when she was really at YSDs oldest brothers house for his birthday YSD wasn't invited.
YSD thinks this woman walks in water and she chases after her for a relationship. While SO and I sit here with our traps shut about the truth so not to hurt YSD.
My cousin said it best, you have to have license to drive, to get married and to work in a nursing home as an aide. You shave to have a license to have children.