Trouble in Paradise?
It appears as though BM is getting divorced. We haven't gotten official word and probably never will, but her DH has apparently moved out. I thought something was up when the kids showed us the family Christmas portraits and he was not in them. Also, BM changed her name back to DH's last name on social media. It had been her DH's last name (although she never legally changed it to his last name).
The ironic thing is that they didn't actually legally get married until two years after their wedding ceremony. I think they didn't legally get married at first because BM thought she could stay on my DH's health insurance and maybe because of BM's tax debt, but who knows. BM has always been a schemer and it seemed like her DH was as well. Maybe this divorce is just some money-making scheme.
When DH and BM divorced, BM's parents bought her a house. They recently transferred ownership to both BM and her DH. I wonder if Skids will have to move....hopefully not in with us.
I hope her DH pushes harder than my DH during the divorce. My DH didn't push for alimony and didn't push for a share of her business, even though he served as primary caregiver while she was building it. She told my DH that her DH was a successful businessman, but he's more of a con artist. He now works part-time in retail. It would be poetic justice if she had to pay alimony to the husband who was supposedly the successful businessman as opposed to the one who was gainfully employed, just in a blue collar job that was not good enough for BM.
I know that they had been having problems because BM's SS19 was a failure to launch and he did not get along with BM (this was the same SS whom she called "her son" and claimed to "love like one of her own" when she and DH moved in together).
I wonder if she has a new man waiting in the wings? She doesn't seem like one who could handle being alone...but maybe now that her favorite, enmeshed child (overly dramatic SS) is in high school, he can be her stand-in husband. Maybe her DH found someone else. I googled him at one point several years ago and found him on some random dating site with an active account.
I hope this doesn't mean more drama for us...but I'm sure it will. I suspect she'll try to keep it a secret for as long as she can from DH. He's not very observant, so I don't think he's noticed the signs I have. I bet SSs will also keep it a secret, since they have been told by BM to not share what's going on at their house. I could be a jerk and ask them a random question about their stepfather to see their reaction, but I won't...I'm not that wicked of a stepmother.
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Dont worry, you will end up knowing
If your BM is like ours was, her troubles will eventually land on your doorstep. Perhaps it will be in the form of a mentally damaged SK, like we got. I hope you dont see financial ramifications, we did when BM's troubles came.
I'm expecting some sort of
I'm expecting some sort of blowback over this. Because DH has children with her, he can't escape....unlike her current DH. In the past, when things have not been going well in her life, she's demanded a new mediation with DH over unspecified "issues". She has a two-year cycle and June 2021 will be two years from the last cycle.
Both SSs are already emotionally damaged, in my view. One is very enmeshed with her and always feels the need to serve as her "protector". She already uses him as a confidante, so I imagine that will only increase when she is alone. The other one is filled with anxiety all the time over BM's drama and he can't handle conflict. I imagine if there's lots of drama in the home over the divorce, he will be more anxious. Also, BM's soon to be ex husband was a "stay at home dad", so he did a lot of the driving around and home management. BM will likely rage that she now has to do everything. That was another clue for me was that one SS kept calling DH to drive him to school two weeks ago. DH did drive him one day because he was able to, but didn't other days and didn't ask him why he needed a ride to school all of a sudden.
Blowback
You are bringing back memories. Our BM was a very volatile person with dramatic relationships. SD59 still mirrors much of this and some of her behavior is a result of it, too. OSS was/is a quite sensitive person who was wounded by it all. One of his teachers contacted me about an essay he wrote about some of BM's troubles. Luckily, YSS didn't seem affected by it all.
These unstable BMs just don't realize how much it affects the kids.
So true...BM in my case
So true...BM in my case always justifies all of her actions as being "all for the children" and has convinced others that this is the case as well. She's blind to the fact that they are always being pulled into her emotional undertow, so can't see the impact it has on them. I tried to explain this all to MIL at one point, but MiL believes BM's sob story and thinks that DH owes BM something, so now I don't say a thing to MIL.
Like JRI, when NPD BM started
Like JRI, when NPD BM started having marriage problems, it landed up on our doorstep too - literally - NPD's husband knocked on our door one day, came in and bent our ears for over an hour talking about the issues which involved SD25 in a big way (she accused him of being inappropriate with her). After he'd left I said to DH "THAT's not happening again - and when he phoned us a few days later, I told him not to involve us and that we didn't want to hear about this again. So my advice to you is to have strong boundaries if they start trying to drag you into the drama.
I don't think her DH has said
I don't think her DH has said more then 5 words to DH in the 9 years he has been living with BM, so very limited chance of him reaching out to my DH.
He also put himself forth as the "father figure", stepping in because DH had abandoned his duties (according to BM), so he'd have to be pretty bold to reach out to DH in any way.
I will be interested to see if SSs keep in touch with him. Knowing BM, she would likely see that as a betrayal, so probably not, but he's lived with them since before DH and BM's divorce was even official, so I imagine SSs have built a relationship with him.
Anytime ET had (has) issues,
Anytime ET had (has) issues, especially with men, we knew about it before she'd proudly talk about who she was cheating on who with (I don't think she ever saw it as cheating, but...). YSS usually showed physical signs of stress. ET would be more flirty with DH. She'd go through a short spell of being a strong, independent womN. Her Facebook would be pictures of her and the boys. You get the idea...
The only one we were shocked by was the new husband, but to our credit, she had been dating someone else for months before she got engaged to DH#3, whom she dated all of a month before getting hitched. No one had enough time to process that before she announced that engagement and marriage.
Anyway, I hope this create minimal ripples for you. Hopefully BM just slithers into her master bedroom and gains 600 lbs and never leaves.
I'm expecting some acting out
I'm expecting some acting out on the part of overly dramatic SS and probably some demands there DH do more to "help" BM. That said, I'm sure he's been sworn to secrecy by BM, so he'll have to be careful what he says. He's not one to keep a secret, though, so who knows...
When women like this get
When women like this get divorced, they often turn for "comfort" to their previous partner, so beware her suddenly being friendly and flirty.
She's burned too many bridges
She's burned too many bridges with DH to be friendly with him, but I did notice that she was less combative about something recently (another clue for me that something was up). I'm not sure if she'll try to turn to DH for more "help" at this time. She's not very good at appearing sincere about anything though. As DH said to me early on, "I don't think she can help" but be manipulative. DH is also not overly responsive to her (due to his general feelings of dislike towards her as well as his general lack of responsiveness) so hopefully his lack of response will lead her to seek comfort elsewhere. DH is a captive audience for her though and she can always cry that he needs to do more for "the mother of his children", so I'm sure she will won't just go quietly.
I'll add that if DH was still
I'll add that if DH was still single, I'm sure things would be different and BM would be putting on a full court press rekindle things with him. Since I'm around and since she lost her mind when I showed up and went full crazy on DH as a result, that's not an option for her.
BM is ugly both inside and out and I'm amazed she was married twice, so will be interesting to see if she is able to ensnare another man. Maybe some sad sack who hangs out at the casino (her favorite spot).
The trickle down effect. This
The trickle down effect. This time last year BM and her BF of 6 years broke up. He left her. SD10 became incredibly anxious. Apparently she "laid in bed all day" according to SD and she was scared "she was going to do something to herself." BF supported her financially and also had twin girls that were labeled as SD's "sisters". SD lost her "sisters" unexpectedly and also a man who had been in her life since she was 4. Not only that, but seeing her BM depressed took it's toll on SD. She began to always feel the need to "check on her." The emotional dependency was unreal. Along with BM telling SD totally inappropriate adult matters such as "BF is a cheater. He's trying to hack into Mommy's bank account. BM rightfully took his stuff and is selling it on FB market place because he deserves it after what he did. We are hurting for money now." etc. the list goes on! Whenever BM has drama in her life, she always ends up taking it out on us in some way. Get ready.
Overly dramatic SS has always
Overly dramatic SS has always felt that he needs to "protect" BM and help her to work through her feelings, so I'm sure he will take it upon himself to cheer BM up. Of course, he can't blame this on DH, so that's one upside, also, maybe he will want to come over less, since he won't want BM to be "alone". The other one will probably want to come over more to avoid BM's drama, but will be too wimpy to come out and ask and won't want to cross BM, so that's good.
I'm sure BM will find some way to make this DH's problem...but she will want to keep it a secret for as long as possible, so that will put her in a bind. Mind you, if DH and I were splitting up and DH didn't tell her then she would raise a ruckus about how DH was "neglectful" and hurting his children by not allowing her to know in advance, so she could "support" SSs. I know all this because she pitched a fit that DH didn't tell her we were having a baby (he just told SSs who are teens, so should be able to handle this news on their own without mommy holding their hand).
It goes on and on
Even when our BM was in her 60's, her issues blew back on us via SD. SD, at that time, was still married to her stable husband #2. Meanwhile, BM and her husband were having their volatile fights, even as she became sick. One day, her husband packed her up, put her bills and meds in a paper bag, and dumped her off at SD's house. Of course, we had to hear all the dramatic details for days til BM and her husband reconciled. It never ends and never stops affecting the kids. I'm sure this episode didn't help SD or her marriage.
Hopefully whatever is
Hopefully whatever is happening in her life won't affect you guys too much.
I fear if BM and her husband were ever to break up what would happen. It happened once before (before they were married) she broke up with husband, moved in with another guy for two weeks, went back to husband. We are pretty sure her husband doesn't know but, I'm not sure how because she took that other guy to her brothers wedding in 2016.
She's bounced relationships since her separation with SO almost 10 years now. SO took her back after their divorce too. "For the kids" it lasted a month. Another one that's never be alone.
Update
All court records in my state are online, so I looked up BM and verified that she is getting divorced.
What's weird is that she wrote the wrong date for her marriage to her DH. I know it's wrong because they got married in Vegas and they went to Vegas when skids were with us. That was the year prior to the year she has listed. I also know that she was not in Vegas when she says they got married, because DH wanted to have skids that week (it's his birthday week) and BM said no because her sister was in town. I can't see why being married 2.5 years instead of 3.5 years would matter, but wouldn't BM remember the year she got married? Granted, she was legally married two years after she and her soon to be ExH had their "wedding", but still, seems odd to not remember the year you got married (esp because it was so recent).
Also, she listed her mortgage as $30k more than what the sale price of her house was six years ago. And her parents bought it for her, which I assume means that they put down 20%. That doesn't bode well for her financially. She and DH owned one home that was foreclosed upon because they couldn't keep up with all the additional mortgages they had added to it. It was a short sale, even though it sold for well above what they paid for it. BM is an accountant and makes well into the six figures, so there's no excuse, but it's clear she hasn't gotten any better with money. When she and DH were married, they were always living paycheck to paycheck and had bills going in to collection even though they made at least $200k between the two of them. She could have been exaggerating the cost of the mortgage in order to pay less to her soon to be ExH in the settlement, but I assume they verify those things.