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Opinions. Letting BM know we are going out of state.

MissK03's picture

Submitted by MissK03 on Mon, 10/19/2020 - 8:34pm

I'll start with this conversations has not come up yet but, my spidey senses are telling me that SO might feel obligated to tell BM we are going out of state for a few days.

SO and I will be going out of state in a few weeks from a late Thursday morning (after the skids go to school) till probably around 5pm on Sunday. 
 

We have had only 1 night away in 3 years and that was in November last year and it wasn't even a full day. 
 

We already arranged for SD13 to go to my uncle's house from Friday-sun.  SS17 and SS15(he will be 16 in two days) will be home. SOs parents live next door and his best friend is next door to his parents they will keep an eye on them, the dogs, bring SS17 to work etc. 

Now, knowing SO he gets weird with stuff like this and he may feel the need to tell her. 
 

For anyone who doesn't know skids have been with us full time since May 2018. They have spent only Xmas eve at her house which we drop off at 10pm and she drops them off at 10/11am Xmas day. She literally doesn't do much of anything expect take them out individually on their bdays. 
 

So this is a MUCH NEEDED getaway for the both of us. More me I think lol.

So I'm just curious what everyone thinks IF SO approaches me with this.. I have a tendency to be like ummm f her so I'm trying to keep level headed just in case he tells me he wants to tell her.

BM clearly never informs him of any of the gallivanting her and her husband do. 

Also, the state we are traveling is not a restricted state for us to travel too.

Comments

lieutenant_dad's picture

Submitted by lieutenant_dad on Mon, 10/19/2020 - 9:14pm

In your case, I don't think it's necessary to tell her. You have more than enough friends and family who know where you are and will respond faster than she will.

My DH does tell ET when we go out of town IF he happens to see her around the time we're leaving. He doesn't tell her where or how long we'll be gone. Usually it's a "yeah, we'll be out of town so won't be immediately available if something happens." We will tell the boys more details, as well as other family, so other people can handle minor emergencies if needed.

Chelseybychelsey's picture

Submitted by Chelseybychelsey on Mon, 10/19/2020 - 9:30pm

There is no reason to tell her she doesn't seem active enough to want them while their dad is away.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Mon, 10/19/2020 - 10:13pm

BM hasn't had custody since 2018. She isn't responsible for any of their care. Why would she possibly need to know? What purpose does it serve? Unless there is some kind of first right of refusal clause in the CO, there is no need to tell her anything. You guys are responsible for the kids. You have arranged care. 

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Tue, 10/20/2020 - 1:31am

The only outcome to telling her is that she'll then blow up his phone the whole time telling him what an awful father he is. Why would he want to do that?

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Tue, 10/20/2020 - 5:11am

Amything about your personal, home life or you will come to regret it!   Especially one who abdicates the heavy lifting but wants the title of Mother.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Tue, 10/20/2020 - 5:34am

If it's not in the Court Order that he has to tell her, DO NOT DO IT. This is the BM who tries to ruin every vacation you have by texting the kids non-stop,right? You can be sure she will ruin this getaway too.

Though - I can't imagine the kids won't tell her.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Tue, 10/20/2020 - 7:00am

You have cell phones.  If anyone needs to contact you they can do it via your phones.  If your husband is the primary and apparently mostly sole parent for the kids and the plan for them is reasonable in his eyes.. it should be fine.  

I mean, my preference would be for one of the parents to stay in the home with the teen boys vs just keep an eye from next door.. but your husband knows his kids better than me..lol.. so if the arrangement is acceptable and they are responsible kids.. have a great vacation!

MissK03's picture

Submitted by MissK03 on Tue, 10/20/2020 - 8:05am

Thanks guys! SO is asking his brother (who is back home at his parents) to stay at the house or his dad will . I'm sure his brother probably will. SS17 might be the only to tell her when we are away. 

I'm looking forward to the brewery hopping to say the least!

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Tue, 10/20/2020 - 10:49am

Nope..do not disclose.

Notify your trusted family you are going and THEY can contact you in the unlikely event of an emergency.