You feel bad for him because you are a kind person, because you are a fixer, because you are the one who took the step to getting divorced. Right, now let's move on. He has betrayed you, he has betrayed your wedding vows, he's a piss-poor parent and a crappy husband. I'm pretty sure you have lost all respect and desire for him. Ignore his (fake) apologies - remember, you don't know who else he's cheated on you with ...  File the papers, get a full battery of STD testing done, and move on with your life. 

You deserve so much more, so much better - so go out there and make a great life for yourself!

No one wants to belong to.  I'm sorry you are hurting!

But I at one time had a husband who I found out cheated on me.  Like you, I took those crocodile tears as real.  We didn't have kids, but I made significantly more than him (but not by any means a high salary).  Keeping me placated kept him in a much higher lifestyle than he would have on his own.

Sadly, I was a slow learner and it took several other affairs over the 17 years we were married for me to walk away.  I lost respect for myself in all that mess.

But once I made the decision to leave, yes things were still rough for a bit.  Gradually though, I got better, gained my self respect back and now am in a much healthier and happier relationship. 
 

Good new things in your life don't happen until you get rid of what's holding you back.  Dump this sorry loser you are with, and move forward.  Your happiness and self respect are worth more than any time invested with him.

Hang in there!

I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this. Look at this way- what would you tell your own daughter or stepdaughter if she was in your shoes one day? Suck it up? Keep a man that cheats? Deal with all of the disrespect forever? 

No, you would tell your daughter to leave him. Take your own advice and don't look back. You don't deserve this at all, you are not the bad guy in any of this mess. 

Once you are out of the marriage you will see how much you grown and how much more strength you have. You will be proud of yourself again!

My XH laid the guilt on THICK when I filed for divorce, and I had never felt worse in my entire life. He was a toxic, and at times abusive, person. Someone I KNEW I shouldn't have married. Someone who exhausted me, tore me down, made me feel crazy and numb. There were good times, but there wasn't a single vacation we took where I didn't threaten divorce at some point because of his behavior while we were together for long stretches of time.

So, why did I feel guilty? Because I cared. I loved him. That doesn't go away all because you file for divorce. Those feelings of the heart aren't always caught up with the logic of the mind. It takes time and distance and grieving for those feelings to go away.

Sometimes divorces happen before our hearts are ready to let go. That doesn't mean we shouldn't let go, though. You've described a marriage that should end. You've been betrayed and disrespected. That's enough to say this relationship won't work. Love and caring isn't enough to make it work.

Basically, you're normal. What you feel is normal. Your hesitancy is normal. Your guilt is normal. It's all normal. What isn't normal is a man cheating on his new wife. What isn't normal is a father allowing his daughter to run around completely unchecked. What isn't normal is a man who allows his XW to pull the strings in his relationship.

You're doing the NORMAL thing. The right thing, even. You're not the odd one here, so power through those feelings and do what a normal person would do: file those papers, block this a$$hole from your life, grieve this relationship, and restart your life.

Good luck.

Allow yourself to go through all the emotions related to grief and loss. But, dont confuse your feelings with making logical decisions.  Over time the feelings will fade and you will move on. You know as you have already said it, your relationship with DH is over, he has betrayed your trust and there is no going back. 

You are grieving for the relationship with him and his daughter you thought you had. Just remind yourself that you aren't leaving because of anything YOU did wrong but because you deserve a partner who is not still emotionally and physically enmeshed with his Ex and who will take on the responsibility of raising his child instead of shuffling majority onto you--even if you were glad to help, it was never your job. You most likely feel bad because you know what a shit show this will end up for the three of them, well just know that what happens to them after your out of their tangled web is THEIR karma and its time for you to stop saving him from the misery he deserves. 

There is so much wrong with this situation. The stepdaughter issues alone are tough. But the worst is you will never be able to trust your husband again. Pick ups/drop offs, work, those are things he has to do and he used those occasions to cheat with his ex. I wouldn't trust him to pick up eggs at the grocery store without worrying he was banging her in the parking lot. He is completely lacking in self control and you won't be able to regain your respect for him or trust. 

((((HUGS))))) so sorry this happened to you.

Glad you felt safe enough to come here to share your story.