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DH has secrets

Sabina's picture

OK...my last blog many of you brought to my attention that my DH may be cheating with his secrets. All these dinners with SD's may not be with just them.  I totally agree now.  I have been watching and more aware.  Wondering, has anyone on here ever used or known of anyone using these websites such as cheater lookup; truthfinder; spokeo?  Is this stuff even legal, do we have any lawyers that can give advice.  I have no access to his phone, he keeps it with him 24/7 plus has it locked and blacked out so you cannot see who it texting.  I could really use some suggestions here.

Thanks.

Comments

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

I cannot speak for the legality of this, but when my mom thought my dad was cheating, she hired a private eye.  He was able to get my dad's cellphone records and catch him red handed. You may want to look into it.  If he has his phons blacked out and always on him, that's a bad sign.

Kes's picture

Do not waste your money on attempting to find out whether this man is cheating or not - I had a look at your last blog and he treats you like shit - this is all you need to know.  Who needs this in their life?  

Cooooookies's picture

If you have to ask if he's cheating on you, then it's already over.  He treats you like poo, keeps secrets and makes you question what he's up to.  You already know the answer in your heart.  You deserve better.

susanm's picture

I get the urge to "know the truth."  It is as if having proof of an affair will somehow give you a kind of permission to end the marriage.  But you are a grown woman and you do not need permission or hard proof of an actual affair.  The bottom line is that he is treating you poorly, the love and trust is gone, and you are unhappy.  That is enough and if anyone in your life doesn't like it then you can cordially invite them to kiss your ass.  All that matters is what you feel in your heart. 

If you absolutely need to know what is going on then by all means hire a PI.  Just be prepared to find out anything from a mistress to to gambling to cross-dressing hookers in dungeons.  You never know what will happen when you go poking around in a secretive person's blacked out periods.  Most states will not give you a better divorce settlement due to bad behavior anymore.  The only thing that this will lead to is more hard feelings and some dramatic scenes.  Is it really worth it?  If you are worried, get an STD test from your GYN and leave with your head held high.

Daisymazy2's picture

I busted him.  

He seemed to have "business meetings" every Wednesday after work.  He started acting weird and coming home drunk after these meetings.  I blasted him more than once for drinking and driving.  He was never one to do that but all of the sudden, he was doing it.

I drove to a parking lot across from his work where I could see him leave but he couldn't see me.  I waited for awhile and he didn't leave.  I decided to just get some gas in my car and leave.  While I was pumping gas in my car,  he leaves work and so does his little mistress.  They go into the cafe/ bar directly across from where I was pumping gas.  If he would have turned around, he would have seen me. I went back home. He stayed out about 5 or 6 hours longer. His mistress was a friend that had been in my house numerous times.  She knew we had 3 small kids and she was also married.

I asked when he got home that night who was at the meeting.  He told me a guys name and never mentioned the mistress.  I didn't tell him at that time that I knew.  I started saving money and contacted a lawyer for divorce.  I just needed to know my options.   We seperated a few months later and was divorced in over a year.  

justmakingthebest's picture

Do you access to your cell phone account online?

Don't waste your money on any of those websites.

One thing you can do is put a tracker on his car. A GPS locator. It is way cheaper than a private investigator and just as effective. I know lots of people that have them on their teenagers cars.