It has been a very long time since I have been on here.  A lot has happened.  I really don't have anyone to talk to about this.  To give some history, I have two SD's, one 17 that still lives at home.  One that is 22 and lives nearby going to college, works maybe 8 hours a week.  Her dad pays for everything.  DH and I married 5 years ago and have had many struggles around the girls, to make a long story very short.  They never had house cleaning rules, grandma used to clean their rooms until a short time after we were married and I suggested it was time they do it.  That put tension between us all and never happened with the now 22 year old. When she was 19, things go bad and I moved out told husband I wanted a divorce.  We had lawyers and everything, lived seperated for 1 year, he contacted me before divorce was final and somehow talked me into counseling.  We went through Retrovaille, which is a catholic class on marriage and it is supposed to help you become closer.  He said it helped him, I was sceptical but willing to see if it woud help.  We also went through marriage counseling.  I moved back in with him and the girls.  One month after I moved in, counselor suggested we have a cleaning day so girls would understand what we expected of them.  We were all cleaning kitchen.  Older SD kept dissapearing which dad noticed and called her out, this caused an argument and she left.  Came back after a couple hours and said she was moving in with grandma (his mom).  OKAY.  She lived with her for 7months then got an apartment with a friend.  All expenses paid by dad of course.  When she moved out she told her dad she hated me.  Now I am a very patient person and always let dad do the disciplining.  So, now for the weird things I have been putting up with that I am having a very hard time with. DH will text me at 3pm while I am at work that he is meeting his girls for dinner and do I want anything, he will do this like once or twice a week.  No advance warning but almost always by text.  He secretly planned a vacation with his girls for months behind my back, finally I asked him what was going on and he denied it but said he did want to take them somewhere.  Reason I found out is yourner SD kept coming in room and saying how about Figi or how about Paris.  I let it go on for a while to see if he would tell me and he never did, I had to ask what was going on.  Anyway, he told me one day, do you mind if I take the girls to Maui, of course I wasn't going to tell him he couldn't.  He went in the other room and said, Oh, did you want to go?  I was so upset, I said "No, I think it is best if you take them yourself".  So they went for 11 days.  When they got back I asked how there trip was and younger SD looked at him, then me, said had a great time and went in her room.  I have not seen one picture or heard one story.  

Everything is a secret with this man!!!  We are on seperate checking, credit card.  He makes 7 times what I make.  I pay my own medical bills and he never asks to help.  He pays for expensive stuff for his girls, while I am on a budget.  This is becoming very hard for me.  I am very independent but watching this is hard because the 22 year old is not a worker. She is very lucky that her dad is paying for all of her college and boarding plus all of her spending which when she lived here, she had amazon packages arriving all the time and new her dads cc number by heart.  Now he keeps everything a secret since I mentioned all of this in counseling. She will NOT come by the house when I am here, only when I am at work and DH works from home then she will come by to see him.  They will all go to lunch or dinner together and I am on my own for dinner.  This happens every week,  I don't mind him having dinner with his daughter but wouldn't you think he would try to get her to be more adult like and come over to have dinner with the family instead of what I feel sneaking around me.  I asked DH to go back to counseling several months ago and he said he will not go back that she made things worse, maybe for him because she had him on the right track with teaching his girls responsibility.  Now, I feel he is going back to all his normal bad habits if giving his girls everything they want behind my back.  I have no idea because I do not see cc or bank statements.  Everything is a secret, even the vacation.  It is very weird!  Sometimes you just need someone from the outside looking in to tell you what you are thinking and feeling is very weird and you are not just imagining it.  :)  I am sure there are many other things that I can go on about.  Oh, in counseling he told me he didn't need a mom for his kids, he has his mom and his sister already.  So, his girls know this and I am just a person living in this house to them. DH seems to just do his own thing now and I am in the dard on everything with his family.  I will never be a part of this family.  I always think of the future, what will it be like when they have their own children, I will just be left out even more.  This is one reason I left the first time and it is all happening again, even more so now it seems.  DH  used to always pay for my car insurance but in June he told me I needed to pay for my own car, so I did.  It is like we are living seperate lives anyway.