Help! I feel like Stepdaughter is a mean person, or is it really just "her age."
Right now, I am dealing with my 2 month old colicky daughter (who I love very much), and my very snotty 12 year old stepdaughter that I feel is highly manipulative and mean. I feel bad, although I do care for her in my own way, I don't "like" her right now.
Here is the problem: she gives attitude to just about everyone except me! She likes me and likes hanging out with me A LOT. And now that I have my baby to care for, its just damn annoying sometimes (is that wrong?) It's to the point that when 3:30pm rolls around (when she comes home from school) I have a sick and dreadful feeling in my gut and have to give myself little "pep talks" to make it through the afternoon until her dad gets home.
When I take her out to dinner, for example (just the two of us at my husbands urging for us to have a relationship) instead of having good conversation, she makes fun of everyone in the restaurant, saying things like, that waitress has a big nose, that person is fat, etc, etc. This is ALL of the time. She also seems to lack empathy. I was upset one day because I had just heard that my friend's baby was stillborn. When she asked me what was wrong, I told her and she didn't even react, but instead changed the subject with "Guess what, I got an A on my math paper!" All excited and smiles. I was shocked.
Not only do I feel that she lacks empathy and kindness towards others (not even a shred is EVER present) she is very cold and manipulates between the households to get her way. For example, she told her mom that she "has no clothes" after her grandmother dropped 500 bucks on her for school clothes!
Anytime I very delicately bring up her behavior with my husband (her dad) he just says that its her "age." Maybe so, but sometimes I think that I have a mini sociopath living with me! And, she has always been this way, since the age of 5.
Seriously, I am going crazy to the point that I wish she didn't like me so that she wouldn't come over so much ( I know, I know shame on me). Sometimes her mom sends her over here because she doesn't want to deal with her. Any insight is appreciated!
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I have a very similiar
I have a very similiar situation to yours...SD12 is a master of manipulation. My SD has a terrible personality and I don't think it is just her age. She is very entitled, immature, spoiled, and lacks respect or empathy unless it is a part of a manipulation scheme to get something.
Invasion of the body
Invasion of the body snatchers. Happens about this age.
Hopefully, she'll return in a few years.
Does she have a BM in the
Does she have a BM in the picture? I would venture a guess that she has learned from BM or someone that it is "cool" to pick on people. My guess is also that she may not have a lot of friends? Usually weaker, less socially accepted kids are the ones that tend to pick fun/bully others because it makes them feel better about themselves. They are trying to elevate themselves to some area where they feel they have worth. Hopefully you are stressing to her that this is not nice and not becoming?
As far as the lacking empathy thing? Again, I would guess this is learned behavior from somewhere.. and again I'm wondering what role BM has/is playing in her life?
Daizy Duke, You are spot on,
Daizy Duke,
You are spot on, SD does not seem to have any close friends. BM is in the picture, and although she trys, she is more concerned about being SD's friend than mother, and has problems following through with discipline. She wants to be "cool."
Yes, I have stressed to her on several occassions that she shouldn't do that, to no avail of course.
I dont know-I would not
I dont know-I would not tolerate this out of my 10 year old daughter,nor my 15 year old daughter. Maybe that's the difference? If one of them occassionally made a catty comment about someone else, i'd probably let it go, but if it continued throughout a meal-I'd tell them to knock it off as it is rude and I dont want to listen to them talk about others the whole meal. Likewise, if they did not make some sort of emphathetic comment about my friends baby-I'd back it up and let them know some sort of response is required. You are not giving her any feedback, which lets her think that you think this sort of conversation is ok-If she really likes you that darn much-I'd feel free to give her pointers on how to grow up to be a nice young lady. Either she will take your advice and thus solve your problem or she will hate you for it and not want to come over as often, again solving your problem. Win/win IMO.
o no, feel for you.It also
o no, feel for you.It also sounds as if you need a bit of space of her to be honest.Difficult age.