IMO if you have known this lady since you were a child & your grandpa & grandma were friends with her & her husband before your grandma & her husband passed away it seems like a very long friendship they've had. I wouldn't think she would be dating him just purely for his money. They have most likely connected over both losing their partners & as they have been friends for so long probably have a lot in common. I think it's lovely he has found someone & is able to date again & I would actually feel more secure in knowing it is someone he has had such a long friendship with & knows so well.
Your family are probably just struggling with your grandma passing away & your grandpa dating again so they are looking for negatives with this lady - they feel it is too soon so I don't think anyone in their minds would suit. Perhaps you should try & talk to them about how it may be more comforting that its a long term friend whom he has started dating & someone who obviously has cared for him (in a friendship way) for a long time. Someone who knows him well & who he knows well. I personally think it would be worse if it were someone no-one new.

My dad died in January of 2011 - Mom waited a year and then started looking around. Dad was 86 when he died, and Mom is now almost 73. She is dating a 75 yr old who... I don't particularly like. But Mom is happier than I've seen her in years. In her case, if her boyfriend is after her money, well... she has none. And when she passes, her creditors can line up for their share of the estate, and when it's gone, it's gone. It's not like my sister and I want or need her stuff.

I say good for your grandfather.

i think the bottom line is that the family is afraid of losing the farm, considers it their birthright. if grandpa wants to preserve it for the family, he will. if he doesn't, his new wife will get it. it's all up to him, and the family needs to respect his decision. i think you are a truly loving grandaughter, only wanting your gramps to be happy. the rest of your family are the opportunists. they feel entitled to something that is not theirs. this is what drives me crazy. why do children/grandchildren EXPECT to have everything handed down to them? IF they receive anything, that is good fortune, but this is exactly what step parents on this sight are always fighting...the younger generation's sense of entitlement. if it makes gramps happy, he should spend every penny of HIS money!

So you are okay with your family treating this woman like CRAP? Over $$.

**HER HUSBAND JUST DIED RECENTLY** - doesn't sound like she was married for a couple of months. She likely, given that she's a senior, was married for a long time.

Your grandpa was married for a long time.

When you get old, and are lonely, would you like your family to treat the person who you've chosen to spend time with as you age (life doesn't get any shorter) like SHIT because of a farm or $ - really what this is is jealousy - and typical way of treating a woman who enters into a family and is NEW. The 'outsider'.

She's an elderly lady, likely lonely like your grandpa and wants some companionship

Here, why don't YOU step up and set an example for the rest of your family- show them that you can be compassionate towards a senior citizen, who wants, like anybody else on the planet, to be LOVED and CARED FOR.

Don't ruin your Grandpa's last years by filling them with spite. Shame on your family.

How would your family want your grandmother to be treated in the same situation. Imagine your grandmother was this lady and this mans family were insinuating your grandmother was a gold digger.
You have all known this woman for years. You said you were happy for your gramps to be with her. So she must be ok

Funny how it is only now your family has a problem with her and really the only problem they have is she might outlive your gramps and get the farm. Again I ask if people were saying this about your grandma how would you feel.

This family farm you speak of is clearly not in the family name. If it was I'd bet your family would be rapt with this woman taking the load off them and taking care of gramps. But as the family farm you speak of is really grandfathers farm in grandfathers name they are worried she'll get it. This is your grandfathers farm it is his to do as he wishes.

An inheritance is a privellage not a right. If you have all treated gramps with love and respect and have not abandoned him I am sure you have nothing to worry about gramps will surely remember the people who loved him in his will if there is anything to leave.

My grandma was one of those women that was accused of being a gold digger. She married a windower late in life. They both had been married for many many years and lost their spouces and met at the grave sites.

She was treated very very nad by his family from the very beginning. All they wanted was to be happy and as grandma put it they are getting any youngerband dont have much time left and did a hurry job of getting married. They just wanted to be happy for the rest ofbthe life they had left.

He didnt want anything he had they agreed that everything he had would go to.his dd and what she had went to her kids. It wasnt about momey or stuff but about companionship.

I felt aweful for my grandma with the way his family treated her for just wanting to be happy til she died.
Maybe if you talk to them you find out they agreed to something similar that my grandma and her late dh did.

In California, if a married person with children dies, his community property goes all to his wife or husband and the separate property goes half to his spouse and the other half is divided among his children in the absence of a will. Note that this rule applies even if the spouse is the parent of the kids!

Second spouses should know this and not think that just because something is in the home they lived in with their bride or bridegroom, they get everything, e.g. property that may even have come from the stepshits'(as they are so frequently referred to here) grandparents on either side. Why should a second wife even want a painting of the first wife's father's portrait or his coin collection or family albums? In my limited experience, they do think everything belongs to them -- even the stepshits' baby pictures

People with significant property interests often make wills and trusts. For second marriages, they frequently devise life estates in many things to their spouses with the balance going to their "heirs of the body," that is, the stepshits.

Most people do not want to throw the dice and see if they survive to give their pre-deceasing spouse's property to their own children at the expense of the predeceased person's own sons and daughters or grandchildren. For one thing, you never know who's going first.... The real property, the proceeds of the insurance policy, the family heirlooms -- why should the deceased's second spouse and the stepchildren be the winners who take all? The best way to do right is to hope for the best and prepare for the worst -- see a lawyer and make sure the right things are done right away. Estate planning avoids surprises. If there's already a family trust and a surviving trustor survives, make a new trust upon marriage. Leave things to chance and bitterness will result. Not that I've done any of these things myself of course. I just know I should!

Everyone needs to butt out! It is not their business really. What does "family" farm mean? Is everyone's name on the deed? If so, nothing to worry about. If not, then it is NOT the family farm. Grandpa can do whatever he likes and those who try to make the rest of his life miserable over an entitlement issue should be cut out of the will in my opinion. Greedy and presumptuous adult kids - makes me sick.

Older people getting married comes with it's own set of problems from the children and family members on both sides. Plenty of concern about possibly missing out on " their share " if their relative should die and the new spouse gets everything.

These are often the same people that are no where to be found when the roof, furnace and water heater need replaced. They know nothing about that second mortgage that was placed on the property to renovate. Whether it's a farm or a small home on a postage stamp lot none of these people are volunteering to be there when the gutters need cleaned, grass needs mowed and the septic stopped working.

If "family farm " means the place grandma and grandpa bought, paid for, worked on and kept up for a lifetime. Then he should reap the rewards of his hard earned work. It was a job. Those are his assets. If he sold the place and spent every cent traveling the world untill the day he died that is his right.

Sounds like he has found happiness with someone from his lifetime social circle. If they did marry, most likely she would be coming into the situation with many of her own assets. This is not some homeless stranger he met on line or pulled out of the depths of poverty from the local projects. In other words she is not likely the gold digger.

If they did get married, they may well have years of expense in the property upkeep and costs of health care during the time together and for who ever is the remaining spouse. Any family members volunteering for that responsibility?

Older people getting married comes with it's own set of problems from the children and family members on both sides. Plenty of concern about possibly missing out on " their share " if their relative should die and the new spouse gets everything.

These are often the same people that are no where to be found when the roof, furnace and water heater need replaced. They know nothing about that second mortgage that was placed on the property to renovate. Whether it's a farm or a small home on a postage stamp lot none of these people are volunteering to be there when the gutters need cleaned, grass needs mowed and the septic stopped working.

If "family farm " means the place grandma and grandpa bought, paid for, worked on and kept up for a lifetime. Then he should reap the rewards of his hard earned work. It was a job. Those are his assets. If he sold the place and spent every cent traveling the world untill the day he died that is his right.

Sounds like he has found happiness with someone from his lifetime social circle. If they did marry, most likely she would be coming into the situation with many of her own assets. This is not some homeless stranger he met on line or pulled out of the depths of poverty from the local projects. In other words she is not likely the gold digger.

If they did get married, they may well have years of expense in the property upkeep and costs of health care during the time together and for who ever is the remaining spouse. Any family members volunteering for that responsibility?

My grandmother re-married a year after my granddad died. He was an amazing man and of course he was and is loved and missed.

My grandmother celebrated her 90th birthday and she and her 2nd husband celebrated their 20th anniversary on the same day. They married on her 70th birthday. She passed one month to the day after their anniversary and he passed 5 months after she passed . He was 96 years old. They had a great marriage and had 20 years of companionship after both having had strong loving marriages with their departed spouses.

My grandmother and grandfather's estate was left to my mom and aunt and their combined 5 sons.

When my step grandfather passed his estate went to his daughter by his first marriage.

There is no reason why your grandfather's Will and his new wife's Will if they marry can not establish the same set up.

My SIL's father left his entire estate in trust for my SIL and her sister. The trust must stay intact and the income from the trust goes to support my SIL's SM. When SM passes then the trust distrubutes to my SIL and her sister. Both girls have a very strong relationship with their SM.

A very close family/childhood friend had the opposit experience when her dad remarried a number of years after her mother passed. My friend and her older brother and my brother and I were raised together. Our parents were couple BFFs.

Her dad remarried her brother's MIL. The new wife/MIL had 9 children with her first husband. The new wife insisted that my friend's father's estate be equally divided among her 6 children and his 2 while her first husband's estate would go to her/his children. There were many years of tension over her mother's jewelry, her mortgage which she financed through her mom and dad, etc, etc, etc.... It took a very long time for her relationship with her dad to recover. Now many years later there is some bonding between my friend and her dad's second wife but since she basically got screwed in the whole remarriage blending the adult kids/families deal I doubt she will ever be fully content.

There are many ways that this issue can be dealt to protect everyone involved.

However, when it comes to the point where the rubber hits the road if your grandfather remarries his responsibilities shift to providing for he and his wife. Rather than making this a contentious issue your family would be better served to approach this with your grandfather from the perspective of ensuring that his estate will stay intact to provide for his new wife until her passing and be preserved for his heirs to be distributed upon their joint demise.

This protects everyone and their interests.

Good luck.

If he's insistent on marriage, two things can solve this problem right now.

1) Prenup
2) Revising his will.

Now they can get off his back.

If grandpa wants to date, let him date. They've had their lives. Marriage, kids, etc. They should be free to enjoy what's left of it.

I love hearing stories about my great grandma back in the late 70s. She was 70, fittest old lady anyone's ever seen and in good health. A widow.
She had two men on the go. Or as my father put it "A weekend uncle and a weekday uncle". And I say go for it. If hey're happy and comfortable with it, I see no issues here.
I know my great grandma would have carried on for as long as possible.
Sadly she was hit by a truck.
And that's exactly the way I want to go. Fit eccentric slutty old lady who dies by surprise.

It sounds like your family is just concerned about money and inheritance. I could be wrong, but I only know as much as you've posted.
But then your grandpa doesn't even have to remarry at all.

I guess I see this both ways. One it IS his money. BUT….looking at this from the departed gma’s view…she probably worked 50 years to accumulate that farm with her husband. (Gpaw). And now if he remarries…all of her hard work and contribution could go to the next wifes kids and not HER own kids.

That would be like my SS getting ALL of my money and assets after I die and my kids not getting anything. Makes me shutter!

My parents are not miserable human beings, they are just caught up in a situation involving a lot of emotion. I believe their reaction is quite normal.
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It absolutely is normal. I am amazed that some think it is not normal.

Let him date who he wants, just ask for him to have a pre-nup and update his will. Everyone has the right to be happy. My uncle has outlived two wives and is now on number three. He has a little bit of money but, has ensured that everything goes to his bio children as it should.

Just bring up a will and pre-nup and let him be in peace.

I really think it's hilarious that you only actually wanted to hear from people who apparently think you have some right to your grandfather's property and other spouse issues...
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LOL…I don’t think that is what she wanted. I think she just did NOT want the snarky, shitty, rude, mean and judgmental comments. But of course this is Steptalk, so most of us are perfect and god like and do not have normal emotions. LMAO

This is sad! I'm sorry you are going through this and I'm sorry for all the people saying mean things about your family! A grandparent passing is hard enough but when they remarry, it's hard too! Trust me, I went through the EXACT same thing! Except, the man my grandma married after my grandpa died was a gold-digging prick. My grandma was his 7th wife and turns out he would marry old ladies, have them rewrite their wills and then when they died (as my grandma did a year into their marriage) this man got everything. She had TONS of money saved up for my brother and I (her only g-kids) to go to college and then it was gone. It went to him. He had told my grandma he would make sure we got it, but we never did.
It's bull shit and I hope this doesn't happen to your family! From your post, it doesn't sound like it but you can never be too cautious!
I'm sorry

Rags is right. But is it the families place to dictate this to grandpa. I think not. His will and his estate is his. It is entirely up to him to do what he wishes with it. It really is no one else's business. If they are concerned grandpa will leave them out if the will. Then they must think well at least his son thinks they have given grandso reason to do so.

Most people take care of their family in their wills, unless they have good reason not to do so. No matter what it is not up to the family to tell him how to distribute his estate.

Rags is right. But is it the families place to dictate this to grandpa. I think not. His will and his estate is his. It is entirely up to him to do what he wishes with it. It really is no one else's business. If they are concerned grandpa will leave them out if the will. Then they must think well at least his son thinks they have given grandso reason to do so.

Most people take care of their family in their wills, unless they have good reason not to do so. No matter what it is not up to the family to tell him how to distribute his estate.

I think a lot of us, if not most of us on this site know exactly how it feels to have step kids treat you like the plague because you are the second wife and you might get daddy's money (even if daddy has none). Even though daddy is still alive, they are worrying about missing out when he's dead. To have someone pass judgement on you before they even meet you, because all they are thinking is, will she get daddy's money, does not make you want to love and respect these people. in fact it only causes family divide. Then the people who were worrying about the money and created all the tension in the first place, blame the new wife for causing division in the family. Division in fact, that they themselves caused.

Your grandfather, indeed your family have known this woman for years. You say she was your grandmas friend. If she was a gold digger looking for a meal ticket type of person, would your grandma have chosen her as a friend.

Grandpas happiness should be paramount here. Grandpas assets are his to do as he wishes with. If your parents or yourself or your siblings start down this money track. I can guarantee you will lose your grandfather. Not because of her, but because you will break his heart. He will see his family only want him for the farm. You may just hurt him and make him mad enough to take you all out of the will, if indeed any of you are in it.

If the farm has been in the family for generations and it ends with grandpa. So be it. It is his decision. At some point all properties that have been in families for generations get sold. Someone sometime sooner or later sells them off. Indeed if your own parents get the farm they may be the ones who end up selling it. No one can see into the future. But eventually the farm will be leave the family. Either grandfather gives it away or sells it, or your parents pass it onto the 5 of you and 1 or some of you feel you don't visit it enough to be worth paying the upkeep so someone wants it sold to get their share. But as the generations go on you 5 have children and 5 becomes 10 or 15 the share in the farm becomes less and less So it gets sold off. If grandpa gets in first well it's his farm.

This woman is not some 20 year old he picked up at a bar. She has been a family friend for years. That is what tells people the family are worried not about her or her character or if she makes grandpa happy. They are worried about what they see is THEIR inheritance.

You have your parents and five siblings. If you want to keep this farm in the family. Why don't the 7 of you offer to buy the farm and give grandpa a lifetime tenancy there. Then grandpa has some cash and you guys have the farm.