I need some (reasonable) advise
Ok I am sitting here just feeling so BLAH. As you've readin my blog, I have the ss18 from hell. He moved back in about a month ago. For details read my previous blogs but for now I am btw a rock and a hard place. My SO who is soon to be my dh, first mentioned to me when ss18 needed a place to stay that ss would only stay here for 2 or 3 mights. Initially SO was going to camp out in the truck with ss until he could get him into a place. I felt bad b/c SO has had spine and knee surgery and has a hard time sleeping and functioning even on the most expensive bed, so I let them into the house on one condition that ss be out by the end of the weekend. Well now it's been 4 weeks. SS has gotten very comfortable in here lately. I complained to my brother about this and he told me I am treating ss too much like a guest, that I should not cook for him, buy food or supply anything. Well SO always prepares his plate for dinner b/c he feels like this keeps him out of food. He still gets into food b/c he eats his meal which we set out for him like he's the king. Then he snarfs food that I spend my hard earned money on for my boys and ss15. SS18 is also beginning to get filthy again and is falling back into his slob habits.
So here is my problem, SO and I are getting married end of June and I am getting angry b/c if ss is still here in the house I am going to call the wedding off. I am NOT going to get married with that freakin entitled brat under my roof. He makes me feel like I don't even want to be in my own home. He sleeps in our living area and it's beginning to freakin reek in here. I hate that when I get up in the mornings for my coffee that he is snoring in my house and the fan is on full blast (he likes white noise) and sometimes he's laying there uncovered and his fat hanging out all over the place and his blobby mouth all drooped open and drool running down his pillow. I try not to look but he is right there. Then he gets up and walks around in his underwear. Last Sat I brought home my disabled daughter for the day and he got up when we arrived even tho I had told SO he needed to be GONE when I got back in an hour. He walked in front of my daughter in his underwear with his hands inside touching his junk :sick: I just am at my wits end b/c I want my almost DH and I to be happy together and yet I want this kid out but it will give SO a heart attack if his son doesn't have a place to live. NO ONE WANTS HIM EITHER - none of his friends will take him as a room mate or any other family. Should I make SO chose btw his son or me? He would never do that to me so I feel guilted into not doing that to him. YET I want to move out. Here I am on the brink of marriage and I want to call it off. It took us 3 years to get to this point too 
I just need some reasonable ideas. What are some things I can put into place to get that kid out? He is job searching but quite frankly I don't think anyone wants to hire a 300 lbs 18 yr old who has no experience or drive or honesty.
"HELP"
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Give him the address to a
Give him the address to a nearby shelter
I have no suggestions to get
I have no suggestions to get him out of the house, but I do think you are quite reasonable if you go to SO and ask that SS not walk around half naked and have a list of chores that he does on a daily basis. If SO doesn't go for that, then you have a big problem on your hands.
Maybe you should request that
Maybe you should request that SS18 start paying rent or helping with the bills/expanses, since apparently he has no intentions of leaving at least it would lessen the burden on your home and most likely give him a reason to start looking for some place else to live. Sort of like My house my rules, you don't like rules then get your own house.
My sKids are all younger so I can't do that, but if he isn't in school he has no reason to expect daddy to take care of him any more. If you live in the US I can recommend http://www.jobcorps.gov We just signed my nephew up and so far he likes it. He was a live at home unmotivated blob too.
Hope this helps.
There is no Choice to be made
There is no Choice to be made for SO here. His son is old enough to have his own place. He would not be choosing between you two. Get that out of your head now and don't let any of that drive your actions.
" He walked in front of my daughter in his underwear with his hands inside touching his junk"
YOU need to say something when this happens. Either be firm or embarrass the crap out of him, but this is inappropriate and would NEVER happen again. Do not sit passively by and allow things to happen to you. Do something. You are well within your right, its YOUR HOUSE.
Now, the next thing to do is tell SS its time to set up house elsewhere. Give him a deadline (Not more than a month, less is better) and tell him to start looking for apts. Tell your SO what you plan to do and you expect him to back you on this. You are now done with the nonsense. IF SO doesnt' comply, time to find yourself your own residence and put off the wedding.
If he isn't out by the deadline, change the locks and put his stuff in boxes on the porch. DONE. I know you probably think it sounds too mean, but mean is what slackers need to get through their heads that they can't take advantage.
(No subject)
If you cannot live this way
If you cannot live this way anymore and thats what it sounds like, maybe asking ss to leave would be the wake up call he needs, he sounds extremely unpleasant and disrespectful I must say, if he was left to his own devices what would become of him, would his skin graft to the couch? Propably.
It's time for him to leave.
It's time for him to leave. If there is no medical conditions keeping him there it's time to go. You have rules and clothing is one of them. You and your husband would not behave this way so why is it acceptable for him to? There needs to be a clear exit plan.
Gross. I would prepare a
Gross. I would prepare a list of shelters. Call to see if they had openings, if they do I'd pack his shit myself, tell him to get in the car I'm treating him to a fine dinner and then drop him off at the shelter.
If you dont want to be that extreme-I'd give dh the list of shelters and tell him to have the kid/adult pick one. Tell him how he is so horribly stunting this poor kids' emotional growth and it is really kind of abusive to not teach him to be independent.
I would not give a deadline. I would say he needs to be out now in one of the shelters. It doesnt sound as if he is job material-so an extra two weeks is not going to get him a job. The Job Corps is a good idea too-in fact I think I will plan on this for ss when he turns 16-23 more months!
If it is your house, he goes
If it is your house, he goes NOW. If not, you need to plan your escape. My heart goes out to you. My FDH's young adult brats have never lived with us, but they tried like hell to move in here. Manipulation, guilt, etc. That is one of the reasons we have a small house-easier to say no. But, there is no way, regardless, they would live here for a second. I made that very clear to FDH before he proposed-they will never move in. They do not work, they lie, and they steal, among other things. Yeah, I am going to bust my ass while they lie on my couch and do nothing all day. They live with BM and she does not seem to want them around anymore.....she encouraged their behaviors but now she is sure not liking what the are doing, bc they are so off the hook now no one can stand them.
Here's the thing...your SO will make the ultimate decision here, and then you stay or leave...he may not be ready to kick SS out just yet. My FDH was really upset when his daughter was trying to get in here. She showed up one night with a carton of jello (?) and random clothes and said "I need to live here." FDH sent her on her way because I flipped out-this is the lovely young lady who has called me a whore and a bitch and said she hopes I cannot have babies. Seriously?????? That night was very hard for FDH, but he admitted that she would never leave, and never get off the couch (she is 300 pounds and eats all day). He said he could not deal with that, he could not trust her in our home, and that he knew I would leave. Point is, he was able to make the decision. If he had not, he would not be FDH. She guilted him for months about that. It was pretty bad. She still wants in, too (I think she wants to split us up). We ignore her.
Good luck to you. I hope your SO wakes up.
Thx ladies. Wow lots of food
Thx ladies. Wow lots of food for thought this evening. I will get back to you on what I finally do. I'm crossing my fingers it won't cost me my future marriage. Last friday evening I was so sick of ss that I told SO to leave and take his brats with him. He was going to take the second car and I said , oops that car is mine. He then had to dig his old car out of the garage and start it up and unload all his crap out of it. He was about to drive off and came upstairs and said if he leaves it's for good. I started crying and we made up and once again ss is snuggled in all cosy on the couch. ARG. I do not want to lose my sweety over a big baluga brat.
*sigh* sometimes I hate this whole package deal thing.