is a simple apology to freakin much to ask for from adult skids these days?
Shit i just had a big freakin yell out with SO again. He just assumed that I was ok with ss18 coming over to eat supper b/c he was going to move some things from the garage to the shed for SO and so he gets to eat supper? I reminded him that when ss18 moved out of the house it was b/c he was disrespectful to me and said threatening things to me and I had said then that if he steps foot on my property again I would call the police. Well over the last week SO has brought him over several times and each time he comes in closer; like first time he waits in the car, second time he waits on the porch, third time in the garage (excuse b/c it was raining but what happened to waiting in the car?) fourth time, yesterday, he stepped into the kitchen briefly while SO made him a sandwich. Today he comes marching in like he owns the place and dishes up roast, potatoe and salad after I spent an hour cooking it all and no word of aplogy, or thanks or anything, just goes and sits right down like he lives here and left barely enough for my boys and non for me.
I just came up here and started reading on my computer and SO comes up later after eating and confronted me with why the hell am I hiding up here and not down eating, when I told him, he proceeds to excuse his kid by attacking my daughter who is disabled. She strikes out when she has an episode and once she really hurt me and this still makes SO very upset, and I understand that, but to use that to say, well if you don;t allow my son into this home then I won't allow your daughter into this home? He then went even further to say that when his mom is here next week and throwing the grad party for said 18 year old, (again another assumption b/c I have not agreed to the party yet) am I going to hide up here? I could not believe he drew his mom into the argument and tried to manipulate me with that???? I went balistic and shut down after that. Nope, you don't treat me like that and you definately do NOT use your mother to manipulate me into letting your freakin son here for free food and laundry facilities - without a simple apology to me ---- that's all I ask for ---- a simple heartfelt apology for treating me disresectfully.
Is that too freakin much to ask for??
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Did your daughter apologize
Did your daughter apologize to you?
Yes, she did. She is autistic
Yes, she did. She is autistic so her apologies have to accepted as such.
I don't know, I want to be a reasonable person but I was very hurt. Should I just let ss18's nasty comment to me just go and let him come and go as he pleases?
I know I am the kind of person who has weak bounderies so when something happens I over compensate. What is a less compensating way to set bounderies with ss18?
I REALLY feel like ss18 knows that our wedding is coming soon and he seems to be intentionally trying to drive the wedge btw SO and me. It's almost like he knows him being here makes me crazy and then me crazy might make his dad rethink this whole tying the knot thing.
And now I feel like my imagination is going wild and this is not it at all.
Best prevention is to not let that wedge get lodged? I don't know... kids are hard enuf to love at times, skids are impossible
If you wind up fighting with
If you wind up fighting with SO, it's not working.
I don't know what SS said to you. Was he being an asshole teenager, or was it something evil like "you deserved to have your child die" kind of comment?
Personally, I don't think either partner has the "right" to "forbid" the other partner's child from being in the home. I know I wouldn't do that to DH, and I would never tolerate him doing it to me.
Tough to say.
It will be up to you and SO to make sure the wedge isn't driven, and compromise will be key.
op, I don't think you are
op, I don't think you are required to accept this total disrespect from either Ss or DH!!!!!!!
DH does not determine what is ok for you to accept, and his goodwill means nothing if you have to put up with a smart aleck teen who is 100% functioning, and not disabled like your daughter.
It is inconceivable and also disrespectful to me to compare his able bodied teen to your disabled daughter, and hold them to the same standard. Just wow.!!!!
Do not let them run over you, wedding or not. DH needs to be shown from the start, the rule is if either of you is not satisfied it will not work.
And if he objects to your daughter I would Dump Him immediately as she cannot take care of herself and he is a complete ass for disregarding that.!!!!
Frankly, sterling, I am more
Frankly, sterling, I am more concerned about SO's behavior.
You are an adult who is setting boundaries, and you chose to give yourself space by going into another room.
Based on his response, I'm wondering, is he mature enough to accept boundaries when you set them?
Is he going to be able to empathize with you and see your point of view on issues that will come up from time to time?
This behavior seems very disrespectful toward you. He seems to be expecting you to behave as an extension of himself rather than your own individual person.
To answer your question, no an apology is not too much to ask IMO, but apparently your SO has a different opinion. I would be asking myself what that different opinion reflects about SO's personality, character, and skills to maintain a healthy adult relationship.
Take care of you!