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I have to prompt BM to give affection to her own kids.

SteppingUp's picture

This happens so often and I've mentioned it before but today was a doozy. BM hasn't seen her son since Sunday. And only saw SD6 for a little while at the school Christmas party on Tuesday.

This morning I pulled up to daycare to drop off the skids and BS, and BM was there to drop off some gifts for the exchange today. She rolled down her window as I got out of the car and said timidly "Are the kids in there?" I wanted to say duh, who do you think I'm dropping off... but of course I'm like yup! And I go to get BS out of his car seat and I see BM getting out of her car. The skids, me and BS, and BM walk up into daycare's driveway.

She's standing there all awkward. The skids are chattering about this and that with her. They don't even hug her. So I realize she's trying to say Merry Christmas to them since she won't see either of them for hte holiday....

I'm waiting for her to say something about it, and we're all standing in the cold. I finally say, "Kids, say Merry Christmas and I love you to your mommy and give her a good hug, you won't get to see her this weekend." So BM finally bends over to hug them and give them hugs and kisses. Again I said, "Kids, say MERRY CHRISTMAS and I LOVE YOU." So finally THEY say it. And BM just says "Okay have a nice weekend" to them. Would it kill her to be lovey and affectionate?? And to give them a nice little talk about how much she will miss them for the holiday? (FYI, she hasn't had the kids for Christmas since I've been around - she voluntarily gives them up. What mother doesn't want her kids on Christmas morning?)

I swear every time she drops the kids off, I have to be the one that reminds them to hug her goodbye. She won't do it if I don't say it, and she won't say it to them either. She'll just quietly say goodbye and then walk away. She's SO affectionate-retarded that she doesn't even THINK about giving hugs and kisses when she says goodbye to her children. It makes no sense. Same with when she picks them up - I have to say, "Go say hi to your mom!" and they stand there awkwardly and she'll give like a half-assed hug. She's the type of adult-child hugger that won't go down on their level to hug them, she just does a little bend over and hugs with one arm. I hate that!


Ommy's picture

that is horrible, these poor kids. life is too short not to tell someone every chance you get that you love them, you never know what will happen. At least they have you, and your SO hopefully they will learn to show affection.

SteppingUp's picture

Yes, we have been very actively trying to show the kids more physical affection and love, so they know that's not normal. I bought a book on Emotional Intelligence, too, but haven't read into it too much yet.

sonja's picture

I'm LOL! I don't understand it either. When I see my son when I get off work and I'm all hugging him and kissing him. Its only been 9 hours and I can't imagine not seeing him for days! I don't understand how you can give birth and then there's like no connection!

SteppingUp's picture

I KNOW! I went out after work yesterday for a going away party (which is very rare that I ever go out at all) and I didn't get home until my son was in bed. I felt bad! This morning I just wanted to cuddle him forever because I felt like I hadn't seen him in so long!

SteppingUp's picture

It's not just when I'm around, everyone who knows her says that's just how she is. It's sad when SS4's first reaction when you sit down next to him (when ANYONE does) he moves away. Then you say, "Hey I wanted to cuddle you!" and he'll be like OH! the thought didn't occur to him. That's the same thing his mother just does not occur to her to be loving and affectionate.

We're "supposed" to alternate Christmas, but we go out of town to DH's family's for the weekend, so it's either take skids there with us or don't see them all weekend. She ALWAYS lets us take them with absolutely no grief or regret or anything. Her family parties on Xmas Eve, so she doesn't want to miss out on that.