OK OK -I know they give us a million reasons to be sick of them...BUT, lately (and of course PMS has set in again so that's always fun!)..the increased anger has been completely out of control. I cannot stop thinking about how much I dislike her, how many wrong things she does, how I wish she didn't exist, how he pisses me off w/not disciplining her....but I go to bed or wake up in the early am and can't go back to sleep because I keep thinking of all this vitriol I want to say and get out. Slowly I'm opening up more. I think he's sensing it and for some idiotic reason I think he's PROVOKING me to wrath by mentioning SD name a dozen times a day....wtf!!

Before he never did bring her up, only on ocassion, or to gripe, but lately it's ALL THE FRIGGIN TIME!!!

Like last night-first it was about "i'm going to have lunch w/her tomorrow at school -some class star thing she won, at least 'sd'does good in school, fails at all the rest in life it seems but school is good'... Then 'i'm going to ask my guy friend to come see 'sd' game on sat, that its' fun', several random things kept coming up.
Then something bitching about her mom, I was tellign him i wanted to get my kids back in church, that i'm hoping will help their attitudes a bit...he says well yeah 'sd' shoudl to> To which i said, well she needs to go daily, perhaps an exorcism of sorts?

Then several other times---at one point I said "I don't want to talk about kids". I told him I was pms'ing and in a fould mood, he kept fighting back w/me over petty shit-I yelled at him that he never listens to me-2 1/2yrs and i tell him my needs and he ignores me or does the same stuff again...just like he ignores me when i ask him to discipline his kid over and over and he doesn't do it!

He said "well you've been just so mean lately, with your telling me no more wknds together w/the kids-how do you think i feel? " I said, look, I told you what you can do to correct it-you dont' so i'm taking other measures, it's too much for me-I have to take care of myself since you won't. He said, well how do you think I felt when we met and you had two kids?

I said NO, because my kids aren't bullies and mean, and they dont' go to YOUR HOUSE, to be in your safe place, to be fed, given security, a nice family environment for them to turn around and treat you like shit on their shoe-they don't go in yoru home and disrespect you and your kid and treat them horribly!!! I've TRIED all this time, it's HURTFUL, you have no idea how it hurts to have tried to do so much and have it shoved in your face...all i want is for you to demand respect and have MY BACK and put her in her place...this is my home, my kids home, our safe haven. I said-it's not too much to ask!! You just thought we made it this wknd quite ok-you're in DENIAL with a big fat D...DENIAL!! You think it went ok and I feel like i spent the wknd with the seed of CHucky!!!

He quitly said he understood, we stopped talking about it. But, I"m going to make my point damn it!

But then this morning it hit me....the reason i can't stomach to see/hear her or about her. She's a THREAT!!!
She's THE threat to my family, to my sense of peace and safety, to my sons, she's a threat to my relationship with bf...a BIG ONE!

I'm thinking of going my seperate way and been contemplating if this is for me anymore...all because of a rotten child. She's threatening my dreams of marrying him, whereas i wanted to so much now I dont'....she's threatening my boys chance of a father figure in their lives who is wonderful to them, of a companion for life for me, of my happiness, our dreams!!!!

If she didn't exist-or if he did the darn dna test from the getgo....or even now, i would have my happy future with him. Instead she's invading my space, head, energy, and fucking with my future. Her mom's tricks all the time do also-and if bm hadn't lied about paternity...YES I hate bm more-and she poisons sd....and I feel absolutely shaken and unsure about whether I want to be with him now, and I didn't before. And that pisses me off.

I should be mad at him, I get it-but she embodies the threat to my happy future and my sons...and I can't help but feel outrage, and jealousy, and anger and naseous at the sight/thought of her. It's almost like when women go in denial when their husbands cheat and take the anger on the other woman, it's because she embodies the threat to your family and relationship....it's hard not to target my venom that way-because I feel LOVE for him, and I know he loves me dearly, and because of some other nasty bitches kid being who she is....we're more and more on the verge of going our seperate ways!

She's a threat and the mamma bear in me is out with claws to defend my future, my relationship with him, my sons.
How can a child have so much power?? I'm mad, I"m sad, I want to run away with him and never see her again. I though all these women that felt this way with their skids were irrational, insecure, jealous, bitter...and maybe we are...but somethign made us this way, and i hate feeling this way, it's consuming me and i don't know how to shake it. At least I understand WHY....

She's a threat, and always has been to my plan of happiness with him. I just want to cry!