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EXTREMELY sticky situation..or maybe not?

SecondBest09's picture

I just learned the BM's live-in boyfriend has cheated on her. (talk about karma). This is the man SHE cheated on BF with. I always thought I'd be gloating that she "got what she deserved" if I ever leaned of this information. I mean, BM had it made with a well-educated, well-paid man and she chose to leave him for a bartender/cook (not judging the profession at all) that hasn't been able to hold a steady job in the last 3 years. Instead, I am VERY VERY close to the person that was with BM's boyfriend. AND, she was extremely drunk the night it happened (yes, she has to take responsibility for that) and he took advantage of this fact. She had called me for a ride home and I unfortunately thought it was my alarm going off and I didn't answer the phone. She called a mutual friend of ours for a ride also and that individual didn't answer the phone. So, BM's boyfriend and his friend offered to take her home and another mutual friend told her she would be safe. Instead, they took her to a house that she wasn't familiar with and she ended up sleeping with BM's boyfriend. THEN, when he was done, he sent his FRIEND in to sleep with her. By this point, she began crying and the second guy had enough moral character to apologize and they took her home. Now, she thinks BM's boyfriend may have given her something. I was LIVID when I learned of all this. I knew he was pretty much a douche to begin with, but to offer to help someone in this condition then to take advantage of her is just about as low as you can go in my book. And, the night I learned of all this, he just happened to be in the same place I was and he was with BM! I caught him coming out of the bathroom and told him exactly what I thought of him for what he had done and told him he was lucky I wasn't at the other end of the bar telling BM what he had done, but IF he gave this person something, then she WOULD be telling BM. (Of course, knowing the things BM did while she was running around on my SO, it's highly possible that SHE was the one with something and gave it to him.) I really don't care whether BM knows he was cheating on her, because I feel like it's a case of what goes around comes around. BUT, where I am having some pangs of guilt are if this person finds out she was given an STD by BM's boyfriend, then I DO think this person should tell BM. I guess another alternative would be to tell BM's boyfriend that he has to tell BM he has an STD, but there is no guarantee he actually would. And the last alternative is to just let it go and whatever the two of them give/catch between one another is on them. Of course, the individual has not gone to the Dr yet to find out, but she's supposed to go this week. For her sake, I hope she didn't get anything, but if she did, I really do wonder if BM should be told?

Comments

GiGi222's picture

I don't know if BM should be told or not. But it sounds like this guy raped your friend (or did I misread?) considering he took advantage of her being drunk and sent his friend in after him. If I was your friend I would go to the police, not BM.

SecondBest09's picture

That's what I thought too, but she says she wasn't "raped." She says she WAS in a bad enough condition that she wasn't resisting but she was aware of what was going on? She didn't say no, but in my book, ANY guy that takes advantage of a drunk woman it should be considered rape. But I just don't know if legally it is?

SecondBest09's picture

Believe me, I definitely think she should take personal responsibility for getting in that situation to begin with as I said in my blog. It still just reeks to me that a guy would take advantage of a woman in that situation. I've also been sick to my stomach that I didn't answer the phone that night, otherwise she never would have been in that situation. And I also agree that I should stay out of it (outside of telling the POS exactly what I thought of him and his actions....again this person is EXTREMELY close to me, but I also chewer HER out as well for getting in that situation to begin with) but I personally have no intention whatsoever of saying anything to the BM at all even if this person finds out she has an STD. I

Sus's picture

If a woman is drunk or drugged and doesn't give "PERMISSION: and the man continues it is in fact RAPE. She doesn't have to say the word "NO" it helps of course. but many are in such fear, or so out of it (drunk etc) they don't say a word.
Now he # 1 left the room, after he did what he did...
and his friend came in & she started crying, right there,..tells me she was TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF...plus they took her to a place she was not familiar with.
She's probably ashamed thinking it was her fault, and that might be why she is saying it wasn't "rape" only she can decide..which way it was/happened, in her mind.

IF someone has a sexual disease you can ajso have the Health dept/ clinic, send a notice in the mail to all partners you recently have relations with.
But the should be told, so it's not spread to others.
I would also talk to the woman who was victimized, and take it from there...NO one should get away with Raping or taking advantage of women whether their drunk or NOT..its still a CRIME. it only allows the perpetrator to continue victimizing innocent people.

"Instead, they took her to a house that she wasn't familiar with and she ended up sleeping with BM's boyfriend. THEN, when he was done, he sent his FRIEND in to sleep with her. By this point, she began crying and the second guy had enough moral character to apologize and they took her home

bioandstep2009's picture

BM BF STDs, yikes! I'd steer clear of this drama. Be there for your friend, moral support etc. but if BM's BF gave her STD, then it's really up to your friend to tell BM's BF. If he then tells BM or not, nothing much you or your friend can do about it. I know that sounds cold but I don't think your friend should be the bearer of the bad news if it goes that way. Her "partner" namely, the BM's BF, should be the one to come clean.