Cheating and what it does to families
Cheating has been discussed a lot here. It's gotten a lot of thoughts rolling in my mind.
1. I wholeheartedly believe in choosing to forgive...in and on my own time. I think the people who cheated and their cheatin' buddies have a lot of nerve to say, "get over it," "move on," "get a life," etc. Someone should tell them to "get over it" in dealing with the backlash they get from the community.
2. I think some cheaters and their cheatin' buddies are just...brazen. Like in that post where the OP posted that her brother's wife tries to say hi to the op's niece but the niece didn't respond. Like how the brother's wife told the niece she wasn't a home wrecker. Ho ho ho, yeah you are and so is your ho-sband. If I know someone doesn't like me/is angry at me, I'm not going up to say hi to them.
3. Some people who are cheated on genuinely don't and didn't do anything wrong to the cheating partners. Did Silda Spitzer do anything to deserve her husband cheating on her with prostitutes, and the possibility of her getting an STD? Did Huma Abedin do anything to deserve Anthony texting pics of his weiner to other women? I would guess not.
4. People seem to underestimate the impact it has on families. People were probably taught certain things by their parents (hopefully!) like how it's important to be honest, not cheat, not steal, etc. Knowing that a parent cheated is knowing that parent went against anything they tried to teach their kids. It impacts everyone economically. For the first family, it may well mean divorce, having to move out of the home and see less of the cheating parent, and for the second family it'll likely mean the cheater has to pay alimony and child support. For the cheater's family, it'll mean knowing that person did something they raised them to not think was ok, and that someone they likely have come to love as family was hurt by this. For the family of the person cheated on, it'll likely mean anger towards the person they trusted to be there for their relative, and to not cheat on their relative.
Cheating is a betrayal of trust on so many levels.
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Comments
You make an excellent point.
You make an excellent point. I know my MIL would have been devasted if we had broken up due to DW's infidelity.
Going into step life honestly
Going into step life honestly and years after divorce has been difficult enough! I cannot even imagine dealing with skids through the grieving process of a divorce, especially when in their eyes you probably are the cause! Part of me has pity for these people, the other part of me figures good riddance and just has pity for the children.
There is a book called "Not
There is a book called "Not Just Friends" by Dr Shirley Glass. I highly recommend that ALL married couples read this book, whether anyone has been faithful or not. It is an excellent book that really goes in-depth on this topic, and how trust can be restored. I think the biggest misconception is that only people in "bad marriages" cheat. Cheating can happen even in the best of marriages, especially emotional cheating.
I've been cheated on, and
I've been cheated on, and yeah, he wouldn't get to tell me when to "get over it". That being said, I AM over it. But I didn't have kids with the guy either, so I haven't seen him since I ended things.
On the other hand, BM cheated on DH. I'm not "mad" at her, there's nothing to "get over". But it certainly does color my view of her, and I'm not going to even try to change that. She cheated, she hurt someone who loved her - I think less of her. Always will. For her to demand otherwise would be ridiculous. People DO have the right to judge you for your actions, even if you scream from the rooftops "Don't judge me!" Sure, you can offer explanations and apologies, especially if that person's opinion is important to you. But you do not have the right to DEMAND that they have a better opinion of you than they think you deserve.