well doll, that's because you have common sense, you wouldnt be in that position!

am totally with you on your first few statements.

about your last paragraph, i take her letter w/ a grain of salt. of course she's bitter! of course she's resentful!!! who wouldnt be? BUT... her emotions are ruling in areas where they simply cant - i.e. telling her that she cant be around the kids during visitation time - hell, that's where the father freaking resides! unless it's specifically written in the CO 'no opposite sex sleepovers', then the bm here is way overstepping.

i totally get and agree with her emotional state. however, my disagreement w/ her letter is based on her trying to control what she simply cannot control.

To expect bm to just put on a smile and be friendly to a sm who came into the picture by cheating is a bit unrealistic.
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The only people that expect that are the cheaters. I think what she wrote was great and right on.

When I started dating SO he was legally married. I stayed the hell out of everything. I refused to meet the kids until the divorce was finalized, which was 2 years later.

Actually she gave some sound advice to the GF.

And I think she was laying ownership only to point out the GF should stay out of her business until they are divorced.

Hmm I was cheated on twice (at least) by both husbands. Meh. I can't see the overdramatization. But by then they had both worn out their welcome so I think that makes a difference.

I can't imagine anyone being naive enough to have a cheating spouse and not know something is wrong. I hear a lot of "I was blindsided by. . ." Somehow I can't buy it. Now I CAN believe the "bait and switch" which I've gone through three times already. They present Prince Charming but the second they step foot inside your house, game over and the horns instantly sprout.

he and his gf are in the wrong But... it happens
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And when it happens there is almost 100 percent of the time, a very pissed off hurt BM that can and usually will make the exs lives a living hell. what does the ex and the OW expect? Flowers and sunshine from the BM?

It sucks that the BM usually will use the kids, but who in the hell would not expect that? It is wrong, but it usually happens.

I could probably be considered to have been the other woman. But do you know what I don't give a fuck, I hold no guilt over their marriage breaking down. The marriage was doomed before I came into the picture, yes maybe it would have stumbled on for another couple of years but I know that my (now) husband was a hell of a lot happier once we found each other. He had every opportunity to choose to be with her, she had opportunities to choose to save her marriage. They both choose to end the marriage. I did not hold anyone to gun point to sign the divorce decree.

THIS

How do your teach your kids to be honest, loyal, respectful....when you are a cheater? If you're unhappy in your marriage, be man or woman enough to end it the proper way.

I don't understand how a woman who cheated with a married man can ever trust that man. If he cheats with you, he will cheat on you.

I can understand the anger to a certain extent but once again, the majority of the anger is misdirected. Yep cheating is wrong, but men are simple creatures and the SECOND a woman says "no, I don't feel like it tonight" the man, neanderthal as he is, will almost instantly start seeking another market for va jay jay.

Yes there are some civilized cultured men (mostly gay guys) that wouldn't start trying to flirt with everything in sight after being rejected for sex a few times, but that species is few and far between.

And yes, when you live with someone for a long time, familiarity DOES breed contempt, so both man and woman in the relationship needs to work ever harder to remain attractive to each other. . .which doesn't happen very often.