how do you handle rude remarks
How do you handle rude remarks from the skids? SS10, since christmas, has been steadly making more and more rude remarks. They started out as pretty general, something along the lines as asking me what was happening in a movie, or what was in a meal ect and ending with a remark along the lines of your wrong and you don't know what you are talking about. Looking back I am sure he was testing boundaries, but I did not want to fall into the evil step monster catergory so, against my usual nature of standing up for myself, I have let the comments roll off. However, over the course of this last weeks spring break the comments became more specific and hurtfull, such as " there is no way nelly has done that" in refrence to my job, or gasp " she doesn't know ANYTHING about sports"...ok I know that that doesn't sound like much, but in a family very centered around sports it was a huge slam, and I admit my paitence was starting to fade. I talked w/ DH about this and he addressed it with SS, bless him, but the remarks continued until an incident in the middle of barnes in noble (of course when dad was outside of hearing range, and of course in public were I am sure I offended someone) when I had had it and blasted him back with a taste of his own medicine and after letting him digest it for a second informed him that people would not want to hang out with him if he keeps making rude remarks. I admit on one hand I felt like a total jerk, but on the other hand it felt pretty good to put him in his place. I get the whole he is just a kid thing, and disengagment, however, I also feel that there is a point were you have to stand up for yourself or become the eternal kick dog. I am doing my step parenting reading at the moment (currently on stepmonster) and wondering wtf did I get myself into. So some great advice from those who have been there would be great!
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^^^^THIS^^^^ is perfect!!!
^^^^THIS^^^^ is perfect!!! Thank you for defining "just" so fittingingly! I especially love the possibility of being able to blast them in to outer space!!
I like this as well.....I
I like this as well.....I have learned that "should" is kinda along the same lines too. For example if I ask if homework is done, or their room is clean ect and I get the "it should be" answer, I know they are full of it. }:)
What stepaside said.
What stepaside said. Disengaged or not would you let a stranger, coworker, friend talk to you like that? Hell no let them have it for their rudeness. Sometimes based on bits and pieces I get from my kids on their dads gf and my dd having rude comment issues I worry my dd is teenage instigating but my ds has been complaining about the gf doing underhanded remarks to dd first and only when dad leaves the room or house. I know my kids are mom loyal but if I find out my dd is starting this she's gonna be in a shit pile of trouble with me and get a lesson in you get what you dish if she complains that dads gf says blah blah blah well that's what you get being a rude brat. If she's starting it and not just defending herself rumor has it that its the gf so again told the kids to address it with dad or take the mini digital recorder when I get it batteries since they think dad won't believe them. Get one of those and start recording his rudeness and play it all back for your DH, or does he already hear it and ignore it?
I am lucky in that he will
I am lucky in that he will generaly address it, although from time to time he does slide into disney dad territory.
I agree, I think that this is
I agree, I think that this is the begining of the teens years....blaaarrrggghhhh!!! Ss10 is a good kid and up till lately has not done that type of stuff, which is why I ignored it at first. However, now that I am thinking about it, he recently got in trouble at school for making the same type of comments that ended him up in a fight. BM is a big time drama queen and is the type that enjoys fighting with others and laughs about how upset she gets people. I guess what I am getting at is that on top of the teen years I know that the skids watch her and her bf yelling and screaming and hitting each other, plus it is reinforced by them that that is the way to act, which she has been pretty clear about. I guess my issue more than anything was feeling hurt that he has started doing this, AND feeling like a big jerk for putting him in his place. However, he does not do that to dad or any of the other relatives, soooo I am going to not tolerate it.
What has worked well for me
What has worked well for me has been "I don't know who you are talking to with that fresh tone, but you ARE NOT talking to me. Go to your room until your attitude is more appropriate."
End of story. Of course I have their dad's support in discipline. If he heard a smart remark he'd likely slap it right out of their mouths before I had a chance to say a word. He hates fresh behavior.
Can I borrow your DH to
Can I borrow your DH to befriend mine and teach him how an appropriate way to handle this behavior would be?! Mine excuses it away and it drives me crazy!! Guilty dad syndrome...smh.
Ill try that as well. Dh, for
Ill try that as well. Dh, for the most part is supportive too.
Thanks guys! I got some good
Thanks guys! I got some good ideas and I feel better now that I have vented some.![Dirol](https://prod-cdn-1.ststatic.com/sites/all/modules/contrib/smiley/packs/kolobok/dirol.gif)
My BF doesn't allow them to
My BF doesn't allow them to talk rude to me or him. If they do, he gives them a smack..and it shuts them up really fast!