So, a LOT of my upset in my marriage has to do with the fact that I can't mind my own damned business. When my asshole SS17 pulls his usual crap, I'm supposed to ignore it! When I don't ignore it, my DH takes it personally, gets defensive and we end up in a huge fight. Same goes for SS21. I need to mind my own frigging business. I need to stop caring about how HIS kids turn out. I need to stop worrying about other peoples' children. I don't get involved when my best friend tells me something about HER kids...I don't offer my advice or parental viewpoints when she's venting. WHY DO I DO THIS WITH MY DH?

From now on, I'm not asking about his kids because I will end up "caring" about them. I can't care...I've been taught that I'm not allowed. When I do, we fight. Problem solved...no more caring = no more fighting!

OMG - this doesn't have to be hard. I'm making it so much harder than it has to be. I'm glad I have read so many post regarding disengaging. It's saved my marriage.