BM giving parenting lessons ...
When we called SS8 tonight he said he didn't want to come home tomorrow, not an unusual comment, he pulls it on both sides... On the way up to his moms a week ago he said he didn't want to go...
DH was upset by the comment and passed the phone to me ... After SS8 explained what he said I noted it was fine if he stayed one more day but I'd have to call his BF and let him known SS8 wouldn't be home to play as planned. Immediately he was sunshine and rainbows...
I noted that he had hurt his dads feelings and maybe should say sorry ... Wich he did... bM got on the phone after and wanted to know why he'd had to say sorry ....I explained what I said and she said SS8 shouldn't have to say sorry for expressing his feelings. That eh spent the week saying he hated her and to fuck off and she hadn't made him say sorry...
I noted that different houses had different rules, but that if he had said that to her around me I would have made him apologize because there is a difference between expressing your feelings and being rude.
She repeated her comment, and I noted that I'd never once told him he couldn't express himself, but I encouraged him to do it in a productive way ... And that my concern we that if he felt it es ok to twlk to him mom and dad that way it woud quickly spread to other people, which I doubted eith of us wanted. She said it was ok that he was like that because it was SS8 ... As if any other kid that did it it wouldn't be ok ...
Am I off base here in thinking that her logic is skewed, or am I the one expecting too much ...
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Oh, her logic is totally
Oh, her logic is totally skewed. But, there's likely going to be no nudging her over to your viewpoint on this. Just work on instilling that behavior in SS when he's with you guys. Make sure he knows that he can request extra time at BM's, but, that it can't be in such an obnoxious way as "I don't want to come home", but, "Can I please stay an extra day?" I see nothing wrong with teaching a kid to express themselves in a more productive manner, especially if the kid is disrespectful in talking to and about their parents. If BM doesn't care about being treated like a piece of crap, then, whatever, that's on her. But, she can't demand that you and DH follow suit.
I do agree that a kid talking to parents disrespectfully can transfer over to other people. My own SD has gone through that herself. Her parents trained her to be rude and disrespectful to everyone, so, it didn't take long before she was rude to everyone and not just her parents. Much like you, we expect better manners of SD13, even when it comes to her GUBM, who is a plague on society as far as I'm concerned. But, if SD13 pulls any of that "I hate GUBM, she's so dumb, she does dumb things" nonsense, we nip it in the bud immediately. SO and I both enforce the fact that she can express feelings that differ from ours and GUBM's, but, that she has to stop making sweeping judgments about people like that and learn how to own her feelings. The entire summer visit with her was filled with "GUBM bought this one product and I hated it, GUBM is so DUMB!", "This one girl at school wouldn't be my friend. She's a complete JERK!", or "Our principal decided this for our school, and I hated it, he's a DUMB JERK!" Of course, it doesn't help any when I call her on this and SO is standing idly by just listening to her chatter on, then it just makes me look like an over-demanding ass.
Why are you having
Why are you having conversations with a moron?
We had just this same issue
We had just this same issue yesterday BM wanted SO to ground their dd for screaming at people saying she hated them and telling them no at BM's house. SO said he would talk to her about it and what did BM do about it? BM said she's told their dd she'd be grounded at daddy's! lol apparently this was a several day thing at BM's and she did nothing but let her dad (BM's dad) pull down and bare butt spank SO's dd.
SO talked to his dd about it, she's never behaved that way here SO and I wouldn't tolerate that for a second,
So SO told BM #1 no one but her and him should ever be bare butt spanking, and #2 he had a talk with her about how that behavior will not happen at either house. BM was ticked he wouldn't punish her here for 3 days of bad behavior there so he told her "It's not my job to pick up your parenting slack, she misbehaves for you, then do something about it, not your brother, your parents, your bf, YOU." and then stopped responding to her lunacy.
Nope hun, you were very
:jawdrop:
Nope hun, you were very right!!! Shes a total moron if she allows any child to talk to her like that!!! Its classless & obviously the kid shows her no respect. But what makes it worse for me, is she not only lets him disrespect her- heck- she condones it!!!!
Totally a nutjob in my book!!!!!
Wait! Someone else in the
Wait! Someone else in the world thinks that people should apologize when they hurt someone's feelings? OMG! I'm not alone!