We live in Canada and our child agreement with BM is pretty loose-y goose-y...

She's given every second weekend, alternating easter and Christmas's, and six weekends in summer and such times as agreed upon by the parties from time to time... agreement not unreasonably withheld

For the past 9 years DH has given BM SS9 whenever it was time off school that he couldn't take vacation, and therefore putting her over a babysitter (3 weeks out of the school year that are holidays), half of Christmas, 7/9 weeks in the summer and every second weekend (tailored for most of the long weekends as she lives 3+ hours away so we want the travelling less hard on SS9

We recently had a educational study done on SS9 because of his ADD/ODD and in the study it said he needs routine (and it clearly noted that BM agreed that she had less structure than us), that he was less disruptive/rude etc. with us (BM said she has difficulty not throwing him into the wall to the psych. who was doing the evaluation) and that he would benefit from doing specific exercises as often as possible (in relation to math etc. and needed to read at leas 20 min. a night to help keep up with his class, including summer ...

The teachers (he had two this year) this year and in the past 3 years have all noted that he is very disruptive for 2 days after visiting his mother and virtually useless at school those days ... so 20% of the school year.

To date she's had him about 30% of the school year, actually a bit closer to 35 until this year.

The teachers have noted that he will have trouble in Gr. 4 because of his issues, and I suggested we might want to reduce his time with BM a bit ... say 1/2 the 3 weeks here and 1/2 with her, the 6 alloted weeks and not tailor the schedule to meet long weekends but simply do every second week so she gets what she gets alloted on paper plus a bit extra ...

This isn't for us, it's for SS9 who struggles in school. I think something's gotta change, and this seems to be an area where the teachers have noted an issue ...

thoughts?