Maybe I'm a Bitch But...
I've decided I hate having a kid here full time. I know I'm like 22 months pregnant and will have a real full time child here that I will have to take care of even on weekends, but this baby is my choice and wasn't forced on me by some worthless piece of crap mother.
Im due in 2 weeks and even though im a planet I still want to do things with my husband and I can't because that involves bringing SD everywhere we go. Which involves paying for her to complain about what we do or where we are going. Or i have the option of going by myself which results in the inevitable guilt trip from DH about me not inviting him. He is always invited, she's just not. On the couple of occasions I've gone to a birthday dinner for a friend or whatnot, she lays her head in the table, whispers how bored she his to him, tries to sit in his lap or lay her head in his lap, or they end up just having a little date together where they only talk to each other in soft voices. She's 11stb12! It's ridiculous that she acts this way and he let's it happen. This week there are several events going on in our city that I have gone to for years. Except this year. Because this year we have a child who complains about everything and who frankly I have no desire to spend entry fees and food money on. I hate coming home and feeling like a guest in my own house because she is here all.the.time. I just want to have my little family and that's it. I am seriously going to lose it when the other 2 move in this summer. I think I now understand those men who have secret apartments away from their families.
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Yay, another "you knew what
Yay, another "you knew what you were getting into" response. We do family friendly activities on the weekends. We take them to Dave and Busters, go bowling, the movies, swimming, etc. Every now and then I would like to do something with my husband. And implying my husband and I are headed for divorce is also quite helpful, thank you. I realize that she needs to be "taught" how to behave but unfortunately that's a process that obviously does not occur overnight. I come here to vent so that I don't explode and say something to them or my husband that I may regret and some days, especially when you are 38 weeks pregnant, are harder than others. But I appreciate being judged.
Thank you for your response.
Thank you for your response. It's really appreciated. I feel like this used to be a safe place and now it's a hit or miss on whether we will be judged or helped. Obviously some people feel like this behavior is "kids being kids" but if that's the case then maybe this isn't the place for them and they should go to sunshine and rainbows .com.
I agree, knowing someone has
I agree, knowing someone has children and knowing what that entails as a step parent are to separate items.
Having your newborn every day and having your SD around every day will be very different. I understand what you mean about that.
Could you ask DH to get SD a baby sitter for a night and take you out before the baby comes? Honestky, I dn't know much about your situation, but if your already feeling this way, and have 2 more moving in with you and a new born - well that is going to be a very tough situation. You may want need to become more vocal and hoest with your DH if your not already.
Think of it this way. What
Think of it this way. What does she get out of this behaviour? Her father's total attenetion and again the world revolves around her. So this isn't so much about your SD as your DHs response to her.
I would tell DH that you are intending going to X event on y day. He can either come along or can stay home because frankly his daughter is likely to be bored. If he tries some guilt trip the only way it can affect you is because you let him.
And as Sue says, make it very clear to her that if she CHOOSES to come then her being bored is not an option and she is welcome to bring a book to read or you can find her a sitter.
If your DH decides to stay home, let him. He is married to you now and yes, you come first. But the behaviour of his daughter is also his responsibility. She behaves like this because he allows it.
Does she have any plans for summer? Or is she going to be VERY bored? He needs to get with the programme and find activities for HIS children for summer (Preferably something VERY physical to wear them out) because no way are you going to have time.
And pre-birth hormones are a bitch. My DIL swore on both occaisions that my son no longer loved her. My DD said her DH was about to leave her because he just is.
You poor think. It's hard to
You poor think. It's hard to hold ones tongue especially while pregnant (I remember those hormones). Nobody should be judging you that has not been in your position. Being a step mom is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. SDs are the hardest thing to deal with the dynamic between us and them is catastrophic! People that have never had a rude, selfish,condescending, smartass of of step daughter should not even be putting their 2 sense in! And I hate that phrase you new what you were dealing with when u got married. Nobody knows how a stepchild is going to treat you until your in the throws of it. Good luck hun and just enjoy your new bundle of joy and f$&k everyone else!
I totally understand how you
I totally understand how you feel and don't blame you at all. When I moved in with FDH the agreement was that SD would be with us for the summer and for some weekends. But guess what? BM decided to abandon the poor kid, so guess who's a mom now?! Me. I did not see that coming, but maybe should have.
Growing up, we never think "oh, I want to be a stepmom when I grow up". No. We envision our perfect nuclear family without anyone else's shit to deal with. It takes a lot of adjustment...I'm not that old (25) and am taking care of an 8 year old. She tells me I'm the best mom she ever had. But when I was a teen I took my birth control religiously so that I would not be in the situation I'm in now. Funny how life works.
I sincerely hope that you begin to feel better and that you take much joy in your soon-to-be addition to the family.
It's hard enough having to
It's hard enough having to raise someone else's child without that child being a disrespectful, spoiled, feral brat. I feel for you. I know it's easier said than done but that kid needs to be pulled in line, especially as your own child gets older. You don't want your child to be made to feel like the bad egg because they are being raised with rules and discipline while the other kid gets to do whatever the fuck they want. You don't want that kind of bad example set for them either.