It's better not to yell. Better for everyone but especially better for you

I cry! i get so mad I ball! It happend this morning! Its like I have this big speech I am going to tell whoever what I think and it just builds up into tears and I cry!

Everything is relative. I don't yell, but speak in my authoritative "Mom" tone frequently. That's just enunciating clearly and speaking a little above talking tone (which was always met with a "Huh?" or "Do what?"). To Bozo and BH, authoritative "Mom" tone was "yelling." Go figure.

I am a loud person not that I yell but for everyone else that doesn't know me think I'm yelling. But to me I am just loud always have been. I am loud at EVERYTHING! I just can not be quit if even I'm trying to wispier just not going to happen. When i get mad my frustration and emotions come out in my voice and it get 'excited' doe that make sense? I do yell some times but mainly I'm loud so it can be taken as I yell. I hope I'm making sense?

I get quiet. comes from years of living with a verbally explosive/abusive (verbal not physical) mom, dad and then husband.

Now I get quiet adn get mad. Apparently my face can destroy small puppies and my eyes are lasers that make babies cry relentlessly.
At least that's what I was told.

Truth be told I get angry and sometimes i say crappy things, sometimes I can be rational, sometimes I cry and sulk, adn every so often, I blow a gasket. when i can't take it anymore and everyone in my house is being whiny, bitchy, moany and all the other step-dwarves.

then they leave Mom alone for a while to decompress.

I am a normally quiet person and never yelled at anyone until I got into my current relationship. SD living with us and having no respect for the house has made me come unglued several times. Yesterday I put a hole in our bedroom wall with the heel of my hand.

My SO's divorce took 2.5 years (after filing) to become final. In the frustration of waiting for the divorce to come through and being disappointed time after time, I learned how to scream into my pillow, pound my fists against the walls and throw things.

I was not raised in a loud home...not anger-loud at least. I am one of 9 children, so there was commotion, but it wasn't angry commotion.

My parents didn't yell. Ever. They didn't yell at each other or at us. They were the authorities in our home & everyone was well aware of it, but they didn't have to make noise to have it that way.

My dad is the kindest most humble man I have ever known. His face is kind & his demeanor is even moreso. He spoke with a calm & gentle voice, & I don't know what it was about him or his approach but we didn't argue with him. When he corrected us, he talked to us & we understood.

My mom was a SAHM, so she was more the disciplinarian. She was more stern in her tone when she corrected us, but still didn't raise her voice. I'm not sure if it was a look she had or what, but aside from the typical "clean your room" & then needing to be reminded a few minutes later, we really were pretty well behaved kids.

Kids live what they learn. I grew up with parents who gave calm presentation. In our home, I give calm presentation...as long as I'm interacting with others.

Afterward, if I'm still upset, I'll go wash dishes or go into another room where I can be alone & cry. I find that I can discuss something until there's nothing left to say, & I can feel like things are resolved, but sometimes I still need to just cry to feel completely over it.

I used to be a yeller really bad. Not too bad with BF but all the time with my ex-husband. The only times BF and I have had conflict was due to his kids and I yelled one night because I had had it!! He wasn't hearing me and I lost it.

I am not so much anymore I prefer to discuss things and control my emotions. It is really hard to do sometimes but it works for BF and I. He is very passive and just lets things go. I like to handle it at the time and not let it build up.

You know, I've thought about this a lot recently. I come from a household of yelling women: my mom, grandma, and all three of my aunts. They yell even when they are talking. They are just always LOUD. My cousins and I seem to be the opposite. We're not big yellers with the women in our family. However, both of us have found that we yell in our relationships.

I didn't even realize it until FDH started pointing it out to me. I know it's a silly thing not to recognize, but I guess I'm just so overwhelmed with emotion and thinking about each and every word I say that I don't stop and think about the tone of voice I'm saying them in. I don't like that, and I'm trying to change that. FDH doesn't yell. He laughs--it drives me NUTS. He acts completely nonchalant and ignores me, or he turns on his music in the office and closes the door, or he goes on the porch to smoke, or a combination of the above. He tends to clean when he's angry about work. I know that my yelling aggravates him, and he won't talk to me if I'm yelling. Then I try to speak in a normal tone of voice and he says he can still tell I'm about to yell. I almost wonder if he purposely baits me so he has an excuse not to talk to me once I yell. Or maybe not baiting per se. He just EXPECTS it, so he always seems to be waiting for it and it makes me even more upset that he just waits for me to do it because I'm apparently so predictable.

He tells me that he's never been truly angry at me. He said I don't want to see him angry. He says we've never had a real fight. That annoys me a little, that it's only a 'real' fight if HE's the angry one.

It's a work in progress. I need to control it, but I am aware of it. I hate that I do it, because with my mom for example I am SO calm and calculated in my anger. I hate that I seem to lose control when I am angry with FDH.