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It's over

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Submitted by steppinginsf on Sun, 06/06/2010 - 3:02pm

I ended things with FH on Friday.
I am so so so sad and heartbroken. I miss his smile, miss being happy with him, miss his hands, miss so much.
He told me on Thursday that he didn't want to deal with problems or have any conflict in his life- and changing his household, reconfiguring his relationship with his son so that I was his partner, and establishing different boundaries with his ex-wife, all of these things created conflict. And that, b/c of this, he viewed me as the problem, b/c he wants no conflict in his life.

I just don't understand and am questioning everything- LONG and need feedback

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Submitted by steppinginsf on Tue, 05/25/2010 - 2:05pm

I have posted many times about the relationship between FH and SS (almost 11). FH's identity is very tied to his son (he describes his son as his source of strength, and the thing that contributes most to his identity; I have talked with him about why I think this is unhealthy for them both). He has been a 50%, single parent for 8 years and then I arrived. During those 8 years he had 2 failed engagements. His son was his "significant other," and has always gone to adult parties and events with him.

Need support in opening email from BM! (long post)

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Submitted by steppinginsf on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 5:08pm

I have posted a number of times about the totally dysfunctional and unhealthy way of interacting that FH and BM have. Their relationship makes me very sad for FH and feel so much anger towards BM. She was/is psychologically abusive to him, she manipulates him constantly, he does whatever/whenever she asks (though she treats him like sh-- before, during, and after). He bends over backward to appease her and he demonstrates so much fear in the face of her....

Follow-up to SS10 wanting to "talk"

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Submitted by steppinginsf on Wed, 04/14/2010 - 9:55pm

I have a follow-up question to the one I posed about this earlier in the week-- most folks who replied said to be open to talking with him, to feel good about him wanting to open up.
FH told me that SS wants to talk with me about when I argue with his dad. I am kind of pissed (or is it defensive?) about this for a number of reasons:

2 great resources

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Submitted by steppinginsf on Wed, 04/14/2010 - 4:22pm

Hi everyone,
Like many of you, _Stepmonster_ proved to me to be an invaluable resource when I was first getting into this family-blending thing about 9 months ago. I still revisit it when I need to not feel crazy. However, I recently found these two resources that I wanted to share:
1) The National Stepfamily Resource Center
http://www.stepfamilies.info/
This is a great website, with many many links. Has info about support groups for stepfamilies all over the country.

Need advice! SS want to "talk"

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Submitted by steppinginsf on Tue, 04/13/2010 - 1:44am

So, there is so much background that I would want to talk with anyone about.
But, if your stepkid tells their bio-parent (your partner) that they want to talk with you about stress/conflict in the household, would you do it? My SS does, apparently. I am a very upfront person and usually fine with confrontation, but he is 10. And much of my conflict with his dad is a result of his mom (no one talks about the conflict between his parents) or b/c he acts as if he lives in a hotel.

Need a little encouragement

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Submitted by steppinginsf on Tue, 03/30/2010 - 12:28pm

After about 6 months of struggle after we decided to get married, the last few months between FH and me have really just been wonderful. We've both been focused on our relationship, really working through the myriad of things that a blended family, ex-wives, and SKs brings. Then, last week, a bombshell-- his exwife told him that "he owed her" and she wanted us to move about 45 miles outside of the city where we live so that SS could enroll in a different district for middle school. FH has always been manipulated by here and allowed himself to agree to whatever she has wanted.

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