How to Address?
I'm pissed at my SO, and I want to address it in a way that's constructive (think JRI's method of starting things with "I'm concerned about SD..." as opposed to being confrontational.)
Last weekend we took SO's mother out for a birthday dinner. She says there's a cousin's wedding tonight and she wants us to attend. SO tells her he has to work, but since she said the wedding was at 6, we could go after he got off work.
I spent $200 on a new dress because weddings in their family are formal attire. SO and I were going to go and bring SS 13. Since I was off work today and SS13 has no dressy clothes, I offered to take him shopping and get him a new suit. SO said he would pay me back.
Yesterday, SO calls and says his mom got the time wrong. The wedding was actually at 4:30, but he could probably switch work shifts to get off earlier. He calls back an hour later, though, and says he doesn't really want to go, and just wants to relax tonight. After he left for work today I texted him and said i was making meatloaf, one of his favorites. He texted back "Awesome."
So, he just called and said he is going to the pool hall after work. Said he just needs to relax since he's been stressed due to his court case (I'll post that as a different blog.) He will be back about 9:30 but he told SS13 to come to my house at 8 for meatloaf. He told me to save him some.
Ok, I'm pissed. I feel like i've been jerked around all week. I'm still cooking because i also invited my son over, but if I had known SO would be at the bar i may have made other plans. How to address this so as not to make things worse? SO and I don't live together, we live a few houses down, though. But - one of the main reasons we don't live together is I don't want to be the default child care for SO and his brothers. SO has 2 brothers who are usually trying to pawn their kids off also. SS13 could stay home by himself and feed himself.
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NO! I'm not able to save you
"NO! I'm not able to save you any meatloaf because my dinner ends at 7pm. Eat at the pool hall and bring a to-go box for your son."
"(Wisper in his ear) Now if you want the meatloaf AND the dessert "wink" come to the house early and I'll take really good care of you "wink"" .... try this first then if he for whatever reason isn't in his right state of mind and declines then use the statement above.
Who cares if it's "confrontational" because he doesn't care if he keeps switching plans and inconveniencing you.
Also that's awesome you kept your place so you wouldn't be at the mercy of boundary pushers in your own home.
I'd give this dudes left testicle to have my own space back after realizing I am not about this step-hell lifestyle
Nope, you and DS go out just the two of you.
This lack of decisions and ever changing crap is on DH and his spawn.
Do not let them yank and bank you around with their manipulative crap.
Put the meat loaf in the freezer, lable it as something SO nor his spawn would investigate, and ... let the all starve.
I'm sorry, but I don't understand why you want to spare his feel
I'm sorry, but I don't understand why you want to spare his feelings. He want from inviting you to a formal wedding to you feeding his kid while he is at the bar with his buddies and somehow that is ok? I would be furious! Why does he need to go to the bar to relax instead of coming home to you? Are you certain he will be there with a male friend? Because this is causing my spidey senses to go off.
I realize I gave you no constructive advice, I will leave that to cooler heads!
It's not so much sparing his
It's not so much sparing his feelings as being constructive and keeping my cool, as opposed to acting with emotion. I've been trying lately to set boundaries in a firm way, letting my feelings and expectations be known without playing the victim role. I don't want to tolerate BS, and i want to purge the BS from my life without getting too emotional.
Update: he grew a brain and
Update: he grew a brain and just called, said he's on his way home. He realized he was being a selfish d!ck. Ok, he didn't say it out loud, but he said he was just feeling really stressed and wanted to play for an hour, but thanked me for cooking. Next time, if there is one, i'm going to tell him that if i'm cooking for him but he's not going to be there to eat it with me, i'm going out with my friends. Then i'm going to go somewhere, even of it's to a movie alone!
And if he isn't there, SS won
And if he isn't there, SS won't be either.
I'd be inclined to pout
I'd be inclined to pout and get the $200 for the dress back from him.
Last weekend we took SO's
Yes, there was a family wedding. Yes, MIL wanted to go. But, was SO actually invited. Formal weddings, in my experience, mean that an actual invitation comes in the the mail and indicates who is invited. Invitations for adults are not issued through their moms. Formal weddings usually require an rsvp so they can plan food/seats. I've never seen a formal show up if you can wedding.
SO and his family are from a
SO and his family are from a small country in Asia and they do things differently. SO's mom tells him when and where when it comes to family functions. Rarely does SO get an invite in the mail himself. ETA idk if everyone from their country does it that way. I only have experience with them, and that's what they do for functions in their family or at their church, where everyone is from there.