When Bio Mom Works Against Her Own Kids
My 13 year old stepson asked my husband (his dad) two months ago if he could go to a fellow classmate's Bat Mitzvah. He, of course, said "yes, sure." It was this past Saturday at a nearby country club, which called for dressy attire. So, my stepson came over for the regularly scheduled sleepover Wednesday night, three days before the big party, announcing he had no clothes for the party, and that his Mom wasn't supplying any of the clothes or the gift for it. He cried in front of his Dad and me, and acknowledged that she has been very difficult. I told him not to worry and that we were going to make sure he looked great for the occasion, and I went shopping. When he came over on Friday, he tried on all the new clothes and loved everything. His Dad took him to the Bat Mitzvah, with a nice card, $40 cash for his friend, and looking very handsome. Though we both are so tired of her refusing to cooperate & placing the kids in the midst of her drama and chaos, we decided to just take care of the whole thing ourselves. My stepsons' mom is an alcoholic who refuses to get help, and I often have to see how her instability affects my stepsons- she burdens everyone, most especially her children. Any helpful advice?
My kids dad is the same way.
My kids dad is the same way. I have to make sure they have all of their "stuff", gifts, cards, etc with them before they leave for their dad's. They know he's an ass and who they can count on.
It sounds like your SS knows this too. So sad. Is he with you full time? I would definitely have a problem knowing that BM is an alcoholic and consider having her have very limited access to her son until she cleans up her act. I don't know your history, so I apologize if this has already been a topic of discussion here.
You did the right thing. You have given your SS some stability in his life and he knows there are people who give a damn. Nicely done.
It is odd that you would have
It is odd that you would have expected her to contribute to this in the first place. He asked his dad if he could go, Dad said yes. At that point, it becomes Dad's responsibility, especially when you know mom has a history of being difficult or not cooperating. If Dad did not want to "take care of it" he could have said no. Sometimes to keep from being disappointed or stressed you have to change your expectations. My advice is to never expect bm to contribute anything, and that way you will be pleasantly surprised when she does, rather than constantly disappointed when she doesn't.
I think you did the right
I think you did the right thing. I"m sure BM get CS that SHOULD Be going to things like properly dressing the boy but kudos to you for just going and getting him the clothing so he woulnd't be embarrassed. WE deal with that too. There are those who say that I shouldn't but I don't think the skid needs to suffer for BM being an asshole.
My dhs ex used to accept
My dhs ex used to accept party invitations from sds friends and then ring dh saying if he wouldn't take them they'd have to miss it and would tell their dd that it was his fault. We used to pick them up 30mins before the party and they'd come with no gift or card. We always had to run and buy something as BM would tell them it was up to their dad to get!
We also always ended up picking up both of them and entertaining the one not at the party. Some BMs are a disgrace playing games all the time.
Careful
HOw old is the ss? Careful of what is happeing. My Sd is a full out blown liar and manipulator. SD15 showed up every other weekend with no clothes for the weekend. Sd cried constantly about how her BM and her qhusband were so mean and abusive to her. Then SD moves in with dad. Now SD calls BM cryign about how neglectful her dad is and abusive I am. I have never laid a hand on this child and refuse to parent this little witch. This all started when she found out her father was not going to leave me when Sd moved in. SD now tries to take money from her dad to give to BM. Not only that has consistently been trying to sabotage our relationship, lies to our faces everytime she opens her mouth, and runs to anyone and everyone that will listen crying that we mistreat her. Hoping that is not the case with your situation. But these things do happen, Watch your Back
Keep the pressure on the Alky
Keep the pressure on the Alky BM and keep the Skids fully tuned with the facts. Keep setting the example of quality parenting and demonstrating a quality adult pair bond for all kids in your home regardless of kid biology.
Be wary of manipulation by both BM and the Skids. Do t let the emotion of it all cloud judgement.
Lather, rinse, repeat.