“She’s just a dumb kid!”
We had a recent snowstorm, and where i live, everything stops. Schools, government, roads, stores - all closed for a week. My SO had to remain at work from Monday until yesterday because of this, and SS14 and SS20 were at his house. Since i live only a few houses down, i promised SO i would look after them. I cooked for them, cleaned, and told SS14 that if he left to walk to a friend's house, please let me know.
Well, neither one went outside much but on the second day, i texted and said i had pizza. They texted back "Oh, we went to eat with our mom." WTF. First of all, SO has told both them and BM (and he copied her husband on one text) that she is not to come to his house on unscheduled times without telling him first, unless it's an emergency. Second of all, the roads were closed. Restaurants were closed, but the ones that serve their country's food are open on Christmas so they prob stayed open.
When i told SO about it, he said "Oh, she's just a dumb kid." I said "I'm the same age as her and from now on, I'm just a dumb, silly kid, too. I can't be responsible for my actions or anyone else's. And the "boys" are nearly men, they don't need a babysitter."
He really thinks of BM in his mind as a dumb kid who doesn't mean any harm. This b!tch has been playing him and his whole family for fools for years.
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Honestly, that's a kind of
Honestly, that's a kind of bizarre way to talk about a woman who is north of 40 (am guessing due to her older son being 20.. .. it's not like she is in her early 20's herself).
Do you think she went to the house.. or do you think that they met her at a restaurant.. or her home?
Probably something they should have given you a heads up on since they both left the house.. and you might have been concerned if you went to check on them.
I'm not sure if she came or
I'm not sure if she came or if they left. Both would be dumb considering the area was under a curfew and the sheriff and local government told everyone that people were only to drive in emergencies. Essential jobs like hospitals and chemical plants were operating under emergency protocols and not letting their workers leave because of the danger of driving.
I told SO that from now on, they have a mother and it's not me. If BM wants to "take care of them" when SO isn't available, i'm out of it. It's interesting that she made no effort to actually be responsible for them by having them stay at her house. I think that's why SO still thinks of her as "just a kid." She likes to take the skids out and play with them when she wants, but has never wanted to BE responsible for them. SO was so concerned about them staying by themselves so i agreed to "watch" them. But next time, if i want to go, say, ride out a hurricane at my dad's house, i'll do it. In the past I would include the SSs in any emergency plans but this just left a bad taste in my mouth. Either I'm responsible for them or i'm not, and it's about time i dropped that rope. Clearly they are reconnecting with BM and she can take some responsibility. Or not, but i'm not worrying anymore. After all, i'm just a kid, too. And yes, BM and I are both over 40! She's about 6 weeks younger than me.
In Winter of 2009/2010 my #2's wife drove food to her dad
In Winter of 2009/2010 my #2's wife drove food to her dad during a state of emergency where no public trafic was allowed on any roads. Only public service and emergency services traffic was allowed on the roads. She got pulled over by the State Police, her car was impounded, and the fine was $Thousands. They tried to fight it as emergency traffic due to her elderly dad being home alone. Nope, it took months for them to get it all settled and to get her car back.
Pain is a teaching tool. Too bad these kids and their BM did not get dealt with as effectively as my former employee's wife did. What really was idiocy, was leaving their two sub 10yo minor kids home alone in a winter storm emergency to take her dad dinner.
You know, i often attribute
You know, i often attribute BM2's antics as part of her master plan, since she has outsmarted SO and his family multiple times. But it could be that she's just a dumbass with poor impulse control. What that says about those who fall for her crap...well.
Those who fall for these types, eventually splat on impact.
Hopefully for them, it is sooner rather than later. IMHO
You're a nice person, but I'm
You're a nice person, but I'm puzzled about why you offered to keep an eye on a 14 and 20 year old? They are fully capable of cooking for themselves - or should be.
It should be enough for you to be available if there is an emergency.
And if their dumb mother wants to brave bad roads to feed her children, it's all good.
Please don't let this man's children and their mother take up any space in your head or consume your energy.
"Please don't let this man's
"Please don't let this man's children and their mother take up any space in your head or consume your energy."
Lord, i'm trying! Also, SD25's baby is due in 6 weeks. Her BM is about 5 years older than "us kids", and she gets no excuses. Per SO, BM1 is a selfish hag who ruined "the girls" by putting them on ADD pills.
When i made the "I'm just a kid, too!" comment, SO said "No, you're above that." The hell i am. I've pulled back a lot on the overfunctioning but I mean it this time. I'm not taking "responsibility" for anything i don't have any ccontrol over. And TBH, these "kids" don't even need it. But when the baby comes, i'm damn sure not getting roped into anything. If SD becomes homeless and SO wants to take her in, it's ALL on him.
14 and 20 should be outside
14 and 20 should be outside shoveling and clearing your walks. They don't need a babysitter.
Agree. I cleaned up the
Agree. I cleaned up the kitchen after i went over and cooked for them, but by the time SO got home they had trashed it again. SO was picking up trash and doing dishes as soon as he walked in the door. And i didn't help. I know it's petty but i played on my phone. Like a kid.
I know you are a good and kind person and were just trying
I know you are a good and kind person and were just trying to help - but boys that age do not need anyone to cook for them, let alone clean for them too! Being available for an emergency would have been fine for you to do, but they didn't deserve or need any more help. Good for you for explaining that to your SO.
"Nonsense, SO, she isn't 'a
"Nonsense, SO, she isn't 'a dumb kid', she's middle-aged (pause for effect) ... just like you!"
Sounded like your SO has very
Sounded like your SO has very low expectations for his kids (assuming they're incapable despite them being legal age to stay home alone and one of them being fully grown)
And same for his kids BM he probably views her has incompetent. Hence the dumb kid comment. Despite her being a middle aged woman approaching senior citizen status.
I could see where you'd be annoyed because when he infantilizes them it absolves them from responsibility, accountability, etc for themselves and now he (or you) have to swoop in and rescue them when .... as everyone can see from this scenario ... they're more than capable of fending for themselves
If BM was Being available for an pizza
She was available for an emergency also. Let BM handle. Her kids . But you also have the fact that BM is going in the home. I could not be in a relationship where '''''the ex''''BM'''. Has free romming of the home I will be living in. Just my thing. They are divorced, that means no coming over.
It's one thing for her to
It's one thing for her to pull up on one of her 10-12 scheduled monthly exchange days. It's that many because SS14 gets off the bus at SO's house even on her days. That's fking enough of her to have around. But this "crazy kid" finds ways to come by on unscheduled times, too. Maybe she wants to borrow something from one of the skids. Maybe she wants to bring food or take them to lunch then bring them back. I will not live with this man until all of his kids have launched and it seems it will "stick." It didn't have to be this way but it is, and it's awkward when people ask why we aren't married yet. I just give some noncommittal joke of an answer, because i don't talk about this bullshit anywhere else. She and the skids have been told multiple times that this is a no-no, and even BM's husband was sent a text about it. She does what the fk she wants and now the skids are covering for her.
This is weird.
On a couple different levels.
1. That he calls his ex a dumb kid. At her age. Seriously?
2. That he thinks his kids, at their ages, need a babysitter.
Will he forever look at these three as people that may require "help" and special considerations forever?
Very strange.
He took it well when i said i
He took it well when i said i was done trying to be the fill-in mom. But yeah, excusing BM is a massive turn-off. And saying i have to be "above that." It's the whole wanting the new woman to come in and fix the problems of the failed family, take the bullsh!t of the ex, and somehow just "be better." Even Maria Von Trapp didn't have to deal with a conniving ex wife.
True, the nazis were easier.
True, the nazis were easier.
DH is infantilizing BM. Not a wise thing IMHO. It builds in a
DH is infantilizing BM. Not a wise thing IMHO. It builds in a lack of holding her accountable and it builds in an excuse for DH to run interference for her based on delusional bullshit on his part regarding her crap.
Not something I would tolerate from a mate regarding their X.