I could use some advice please
My husband and I have been married 15yr. I have 2 sons; 26 and 24, a daughter 22 all from my first marriage. He has a 22yr old daughter from his first marriage, her mother left when she was 3 and no one knows where she is. My first husband passed away when daughter was 1yr old. Together we have a 3 yr old daughter who was a total surprise to us, I had been told I couldn't have any more kids after older daughter was born. My 2 sons have already graduated collage and daughter graduates next year. None of them live at home, they all work, have their own cars and homes. His daughter dropped out of high school, won't work, won't find her own place to live, basically depends on daddy to do everything for her. I have always kept my money separate from his, we live in my home that late husband and I bought. I don't dare leave my youngest alone with his daughter because she has been very cruel to her since birth and I'm afraid what she might do to her. How can I get this leach out of my house without losing my husband. Before he would try with her but now he has given up and lets her do whatever she wants. I'm at the end of my rope.
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In our house you can live
In our house you can live there after you are 18, IF you do the following.
1) You must have at least a part time job. Full time is even better.
2) You must go to school FULL time. Not one or the other, you have to do both.
3) You will keep your messes cleaned up and you will do weekly chores.
My DH is on board with this. Can you get your DH to do this? I could never have a 22 year old in my house that would not work and go to school.
Wow, that is a major
Wow, that is a major headache. Have you talked to hubby about this? What solutions or ideas does he have ? Why did he give up? Sorry if too many questions.
We have the same rules at our
We have the same rules at our as willow does and it was really my that came up those rules. I agree 100%! See if you can get him on board with that. Try it this way, tell him that you want what is best for your SD and that for her future she needs to be working toward a goal and that goal can be to either be in school and working or working full time to save to get out on her own. plus it teaches responsibility.
I've talked to him till I'm
I've talked to him till I'm blue in the face. She has various emotional problems and he feels responsible for them. Her mother was a heavy drinker and used opiates while pregnant with her. He thinks that he should have done more to stop her but she disappeared for several months while she was pregnant. I feel like I'm stuck in limbo, I don't dare make them both leave because that would put my 3 yr old at risk when he had visitation. I know he would leave her alone with the wackjob and she would hurt or worse my little darling. I tried for the longest time to be a mother figure to her and it never worked. I'm tired of the excuses and being worried all the time.
I'm sorry that your DH is not
I'm sorry that your DH is not on the same page with you. THAT is going to be your biggest crux. You're right, you cant leave (or kick them out) because of him doing whatever he wants (obviously the opposite of what you are ok with) when you're not there. Your only option is to get DH on board with you, or somehow manipulate the situation to GET HER OUT! Help her get a job (out of state??), find her a friend? or a cousin? who needs a roommate?
Otherwise, start documenting anything harmful she does to DD3. Even if it means calling the cops and getting something on record. All you have to say is "you fear for your/her safety" and the cops will write up a report. You can call and ask that they "drive by" sometimes to checkup on things...just to get it on record you have concerns. Blow up everything you can that she does negative, so if it comes to a divorce, you have grounds to get it in the papers that she is not to be allowed around the child.
My 3 have always had
My 3 have always had responsibilities and started working when they were 16. My oldest is an electrician, my youngest son has his degree in Computer Technology and my oldest daughter will be graduating next spring with her degree in nursing. I think part of our problem is that my late husband left us well provided for. I started all 3 kids savings accounts and put their ss payments in the bank for them so they would have a nest egg. That plus scholarships have paid for their educations. His daughter didn't finish high school and refuses to do anything but sleep, talk on her cell phone ( which he pays for) and mess around on the computer. She has always gotten mad when one of my kids would go buy themselves something and not give it to her. They work for their money so they can spend it how they want. Since they left home she has turned her jealousy and aggression toward the baby.
Your DH says: *She has
Your DH says:
*She has various emotional problems and he feels responsible for them.
*Her mother was a heavy drinker and used opiates while pregnant with her.
*He thinks that he should have done more to stop her but she disappeared for several months while she was pregnant.
EXCUSES. EXCUSES. EXCUSES.
So does he believe all of them or use a different one on alternate days?
This is all CRAP. She needs to get a job. She's not disabled. And if she IS, she needs to get on MA. And guess what? My 20-yr-old son is mentally challenged and on MA...
and the government STILL expects him to work and pay us $200/month in RENT!!! (and he DOES!)
So I have NO sympathy for this ADULT "child". She needs to get a job. She needs to contribute to your household and get off the couch and stop being a leech and a drain.
And your DH needs to stop BABYING her.