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SOLO

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Well, after several complications I finally got SO off on the plane to the east coast yesterday. He left me with $12 to get back home. I had about 2 hours traveling time. By the grace of God I made it home, the low fuel light on and no money, but I made it home. I guess he wanted to make sure I didn't have money or gas to do anything while he was gone. I don't know. either way, he should be at his BMs house soon and will be able to see his daughter. SD14 has to have a shunt put in her brain.

homeward bound

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Well I am about to get off work in about 45 minutes and face the music. After the events that took place last night, I have not seen SO or heard from him. Usually he "checks in" with me about every hour while I am at work. I don't know if this means he is just very hungover, hurt over situation (not likely), or ready for round 2. I hope it can just be a calm uneventful day but the realist in me tends to doubt that. I am so mentally drained I don't even want to speak. If that even makes any sense. It just seems pointless.

how did things end up like this?

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Tuesday my SO found out his SD14 who has spina bifida is in the hospital for complications related to disease. He tends to have a hard time coping with things. I've been walking on eggshells to keep him calm and trying to be supportive anyway I can. SD14 is located about 2000 miles away from us. Well last night SO decided to get completely wasted, blacked out. I was actually smart enough this time to just keep my mouth shut and never said a word for this 3 hour long rant and rave and blame me for everything. I got called all type of names and everything else.

tell me the cold hard truth

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I am just going to dive right in to the story. Met a guy, developed feelings. Met his kids, developed feelings for them. BM hates me with a passion. She tells the kids not to listen to me, etc just to make things harder on me when the kids are with us. When dropping off or picking up the kids she screams, yells, offends, throws things, etc and causes scenes every time. Going on for about a year now. As it turns out, my guy has a total of 7 kids with 4 BMs, only 2 kids and 1 BM are in the state. The rest of the kids are in 3 other states.

exhaustipated - too tired to give a sh*t

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I'm tired of not even getting enough sleep to hit the REM stage. I can't remember the last night I slept long enough to even have a dream. Sometimes I just want to make the skids stay up as late as I have to just to get everything done and then make them come to work with me at the crack of dawn. I want to make the kids stay awake all day at work with me, then run errands, come home, clean, cook, etc. I want to make the kids walk a day in my shoes so they can feel exhaustipated too. Maybe that makes me a bit*h but at this point, I don't care.

parents meeting the skids

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i have been trying to get my parents to come and visit me to meet the stepkids. my parents have cancelled on me 3 times now. They never ask me about the kids or how I'm adjusting considering a couple months ago i had no children. I feel like they don't care or just have no interest in meeting them. It's not like they don't like children. my brother has two kids from two women. my mom spends ample time with both of his kids and in fact babysits his daughter every saturday night so my brother and his wife can go out. the son is currently in another country.

this is something...

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i have to say I am about to go to lunch (from work) where I am going to enjoy some lovely mexican food. no kids, no kid menus, no arguing, no refusing to eat, no messes, no spills, no running noses, no kid conversation, etc. i am ready to have an intelligent conversation to a nice meal. i need this. its so small, but i promise this is making my day. maybe i should do this once a week or something to try to keep my sanity or whats left of it. Smile

disciplining the children

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i wish i could feel comfortable disciplining these kids the way i would do it if they were mine. the other day the 4 yr old girl was on time out standing in the corner of the kitchen, got bored apparently and scraped off paint from the kitchen cabinet. i was so pissed off. all that happened though when i told the father was she apologized to me for it and the father told me we will repaint them when we have time. if it were me, she deserved a spanking and should have to pay for the paint out of her allowance she has saved up.

4 of them are gone!

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there are only two left in the house now. hopefully it will stay that way for a while. 2 is way more doable than 6 kids in the house. things are going a little bit better. i still wish i could get some alone time for myself. i feel like ill have to get a hotel room just to get some peace and quiet. everytime i try to go to my bedroom and enjoy a movie, i can't enjoy it because someone is always thirsty, hungry, fighting, crying, etc. the only two left in the house are 4 and 6 years old. i dont know if i can handle all of this.

new stepmother

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I am 26 and recently had skids move in. There are 6 of them ranging from age 1 to 6. They don't listen. bedtime doesn't work, taking toys/electronics away doesn't work. time out in the corner of the room doesnt work because one of them peeled paint off the kitchen cabinet while on timeout. they have zero respect for me or my home. they climb on furniture, jump on beds, climbing fence in back yard to go in neighbor's yard, throwing rocks in the AC unit outside. They are always hungry, thirsty, bored, loud, messy, destructive, dirty, etc.