Malevolent presence
I am aware that a lot of people on here would just be thankful about this, count their blessings and shut up...but it is really beginning to bug the heck out of me!
Satan Spawn (AKA-sd9) was told about 6 months ago, by DH, that if she wanted to be a functioning member of the family with all the rights and privileges...then she would have to obey the same rules as everyone else.
I.e. doing assigned chores, no lying, being respectful, ect.
Until then, however...DH said she was to spend her time alone in her room contemplating her behaviour. When she was ready to act like everyone else, she would be treated like everyone else.
The thing is...she hasn't made a single move to do so!
It's been 6 friggin' months!
She comes home from school, and goes straight to her room (which is a sty).
She comes down for dinner, goes right back to her room.
She comes out to take her shower and goes back till bedtime.
EVERY DAY.
On weekends she holes up in there unless directly told to come out because we have to go somewhere. She doesn't really talk to anyone, even to disrespect them anymore...and is quiet and withdrawn. It's been 6 months of this!!!
Now, this is a kid who...at Christmas time...couldn't have been shut up with duct tape and a staple gun! Her mouth ran 24/7...about nothing at all. Just liked to hear herself talk, always has. Interrupted other people’s conversations with off topic crap no one cared about...and just generally made a whole lot of commotion for no reason whatsoever other than to irritate everyone else, which she said she thought was "funny".
Now this...act...for lack of a better word, feels like this huge malevolent presence whenever she does appear. My BD18 and other SD13 tell me that once in a while...when no one else is looking...sd9 will give a slow smile that is strange and weird because there is nothing that has been done or said to provoke a smile. Smile appears and then dosappears as if it never happened.
If anything, this kid had gotten even creepier! Just when I thought it wasn't possible.
At my wits end here. DH seems to think it’s a "phase" and that "she'll grow out of it".
Yeah, right sure.
But in the meantime...we have to live in an atmosphere that is filled with...icky.
How can I make someone understand this kid needs professional help???
Possibly on an in-patient basis.
If she doesn't get some corrective behavior started pretty soon...I just know we are all gonna wind up on the news one day explaining that, "Sure she was a strange child, but who can predict things like the making of a mass-murderer"!!!
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Comments
Cruella
Nice job and nicely said! I would have love to seen that kids face when you said that to her... she must have been in SHOCK :O
Lost
Does your DH think it's acceptable when she spends all of her time in her room? Doesn't that bother him? And don't forget that HER room, is really only a ROOM IN YOUR HOUSE!! Which means that part of her chores are to clean it up. If it's a sty who knows what's going on in there. She does need professional help. Maybe you can say to DH... let's just take her for 1 session and explain to the counselor what's going on. Then, if they think it's a phase, I'll drop it for a while. But let's at least just see what they say.... It is a phase for kids to come right in the door and go to their room and stay there for the majority of the night. I do see that in SD every once in a while. But 6 months straight of this is a little strange. That, and the fact that she used to be a little chatterbox. Good luck with this one...
Satan Spawn...
...sounds like she desperately needs professional help. I'm thinking deep depression here. Yikes.
I hope she gets some help.
Clarification...
}:) First...thanks for all the suggestions.
Just thought it worth it to clarify that she in no way acts depressed. She's not sulking, not crying, not pouting, or acting sad or "depressed" ion any way.
Just has her little routine, keeps to herself, and blanks everyone else for the vast majority of her time.
I have teenagers...so I know lots of room-time is normal...for hormonal teenagers! This kids 9years old. This isn't hormones...it's something else, something scary and devious and it gives me and the other two kids the creeps!
DH is deep in denial...loves it there, they have made him king!
I think he figures that a problem that is not confronted and called by its proper name...does not exist. Very existential of him...but not so much with the helpful!
The thing is, that I have painted myself into a corner by saying I was done trying to fight everyone about this kid. Said I was done, and would not take resposibility good or bad for her, after all...not my kid.
Think I may be the one who needs a shrink...an expensive one that will come to the spa where I will be hiding for about a month!!! LOL
~Some days it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps! }:)
Yeah something is wrong with her! She needs to see
someone and also you should see just WHAT is in that room of hers?? Maybe you should look in there when she is at school.
"And this too shall pass..."
perhaps, her room is too comfortable
Does she have a tv in there? a stereo? any other fun stuff? take it out, tell her anything that she enjoys is a privilage for functioning members of the family. strip her down to a matteress on the floor if that's what it takes. Either she'll stay in there and further plot your demise or she'll get it together. What a little pissant, I cannot believe ya'll have put up with this BS for SIX MONTHS!!
oh ya, and take off her door. Privacy is a privilage for family members who don't act like sociopaths.
Stepmasochist...
I really like your approach! Can I call on you for SS16 advice?
***We're too blessed to be stressed!***
Sure, but ...
I don't really know anything about teenagers. Our oldest is only 10. I've never actually had to do any of the stuff I mentioned. I've just heard of it being done, well, I have taken away things.
I got the door idea from our chief of police though. Apparently his daughters were a little difficult as teens and that certainly got their attention. He had told them not to close it or lock it or something like that and one of them disobeyed him so, off it went. He said they were all saying "Well how do we get dressed?" and he just told them, "You might want to be quick about it is all i've got to tell you." LOL!
Does she have red hair and
Does she have red hair and does her head spin around her neck??
That is creepy. You don't want her burning your bed while you sleep. You probably need to take her aside, yell at her, talk to her, hug her, explain that this is hard on everyone--anything- until she opens up and breaks that wall she built up.
I know you don't want to, probably can't stand the little thing. BUT for your safety and your families...you really need to try to get her on YOUR side. That whole keep your friends close-but enemies CLOSER situation.
Can you take her shopping for milk, clothes-whatever you can afford? To try and get to the bottom if her behavior? She sounds like she needs you-especially if she's living with you now...that means you're her mom now, (I don't mean OVARY mom) but her physical and emotional mother.
If she continues on like that it could become dangerous for your family to have someone like that living in your home.
A kid is not JUST a kid anymore; they are plagued with more demons that we were as kids it seems. It's amazing what they're capable of now.
Crayon.. lol.. I went through that a lot with my BD12 & SD12
When we lived seperate of course, it was at my house BD12's room and at his apartment SD12's room. Then, we moved in together and it suddenly became "their" room and SD12 didn't like things the way they were and wanted to help make decisions. Problem was, she was trying to take over the room and she is only there every other EOW so why does she get "equal share" of the space including drawers, cabinets, walls, etc. when my BD12 lives there all the time and SD12 has her own room at her mom's and she doesn't have to share with anyone. Just doesn't seem fair to me. Huge fights broke out over that one. But, I finally got my way. SD12 gets her bed and the wall beside and at the end of her bed. She gets one drawer (night clothes is all she has anyway, she brings everything with her and keeps it in a duffel bag shoved under the bed). And she does NOT have a say on what goes where if my BD12 has put something in there or if she doesn't like the wall flower smell that my BD12 uses to freshen the room or any of that crap. She wants to live there, she needs to understand that BD12 lives here 24 hours a day, and has no room at another home. So, she is going to personalize the room anyway she sees fit to make herself comfortable. SD12 doesn't like it... well, lucky for you, you go back home in two days anyway..
Oh, my gosh! SRS177 I know
Oh, my gosh! SRS177 I know exactly what you mean!!
We have a total of SEVEN kids EOW. And DH thinks my SK should be given half of my children's rooms who lives full time.
HOW is that fair to our kids?
SKs are only here FOUR days a month. FOUR.
My seven year old has THREE twin beds in her bedroom. ONE for her and TWO for my SKs. HOW is that fair to my little girl?? All the room she could play in is taken up for two little brats who don't even want to be here.
DH went and built a castle type bed hold 3 beds. It really disappointed me that he'd go through so much trouble for his EX's kids and I know it wasn't for my little girl who lived here. It was for them.
I think if they're only here 4 days a month, they can sleep on pallets or on the couch. That does not warrant taking up 2 of my kids' rooms.
I've told DH that, I said....BMs kids have their OWN room full time at THEIR home; THIS is MY children's home...this is all they have. So, they have to share what little bit they DO get (because BM steals all our money) with the very kids WHO are the reason MINE are doing without?? Do you not see how that would make my kids resent SKs?
Makes me feel like a terrible mother for watching mine go without while SKs are living high on the hog. AND we still have to pay for them while they visit here. MORE money that is taken from MY FOUR kids.
Agggghhhhhh what do we SMs do?