I'm on the verge of leaving DH and returning to England (from Canada). I don't want to leave DH or the dogs, but can't stand living with SD on an ongoing basis. Whilst she's a good kid compared to most, living with DH and SD is proving too much of a challenge for me. When she's not there, DH and I get on brilliantly, when she is there we don't. Lots of reasons, no one particularly at fault - just lots of little things that now amount to one big thing for me.

SD was initially going to be with us for 9 months (she lived with BM before we emigrated). This was then extended for a further 2 years so she could graduate from High School (they don't have an equivalent to UK exams at 16 in Canada). So I've been waiting for the end to come (with gritted teeth and a lot of detachment).

My friends said, don't worry, she will soon be gone. I believed it. SD was talking about going to live with BM and about travelling etc.

Now that the time is around the corner, SD has decided that she wants to go to college. Around here, most kids get digs near the college and work to pay for themselves with a bit of help from parents. However, SD has decided that her bf, who she has persuaded to go to college also, can drive her there and back daily. This won't give her chance to get a job. We live in the middle of nowhere where jobs are also very scarce and cars and insurance expensive.

So, I'm looking at a minimum of another 2 years, and I now doubt if it would end there.

She's definitely Daddy's little girl and wants to stay there.

So, at the end of my tether, I put my foot down and said that I was not prepared to put up with her living with us after she leaves school. I suggested that if she went to stay with BM (in Italy) for one year, then I would accept her returning and going to college the following year. By that time I thought my relationship with DH would be stronger and we would be in a better position financially.

I'm 50 years old and feel that living in increasing misery is just not working. When I could see an end, I felt I had the strength to stick it out (for the sake of the dogs). As it is, I can't see an end without something drastic happening. I can see her staying after college because she hasn't got a job or hasn't got money to set up home. I can see her getting married to current bf, who she thinks is 'thick', then I can see her around at ours constantly through boredom - not to mention the possibility of babies - it just stretches out into a deeper and deeper nightmare for me with DH constantly nagging me for not living up to his ideal 'mother role'.

I only gave me ultimatum a couple of weeks ago, but so far, she's sticking to wanting to go to college. DH just can't bear the thought of telling her to go to her mothers so is just trying to persuade her that it would be a good idea as life in Canada without my help won't be quite so comfortable. There's probably a bit of her wanting me out of the way too. He's had a lot of rejection issues in his childhood and I think is over compensating, but that doesn't alter the fact that he just can't reject her in any way, shape or form.

To top that all off, DH had a heart attack some time ago. He didn't realise it was a heart attack, but found this out recently when he went for a check up as he felt something wasn't right. He's having a stress test on 14th January, which we are hoping will give him more information about the damage (which apparently is permanent) and what he should and shouldn't be doing. Losing his wife and 2 dogs isn't exactly going to be stress free!

You might think that this is the most terrible thing I could be doing at the moment. It might be, but he's been saying, for months, that he can't stand the atmosphere between SD and I, so I don't think continuing to grit my teeth and bear it will do him much good either. I just feel that I have to force the issue somehow.

As much as I love our 4 dogs, I'm going to have to re-home 2 of them (that will break my heart too). I don't think it's practical to take them back to England as looking after dogs on your own and working just isn't fair on the dogs. I will leave the 2 oldest with DH as they aren't so needy now. He thinks he can look after all 4, but isn't being realistic at all - the youngest are both under 3 years old.

On top of all that, I'm missing my friends and family and they are making it very easy for me to return. My brother will give me a home he currenly rents out. My mother's health is also deteriorating quickly (dementia), so my help there would be appreciated.

It's a terrible situation. I know I can't go back on my word. The situation with SD was bad enough before, if I let her have her own way, I couldn't be civil to her.

I don't know what I'm looking for by writing this. However, you never know, someone may just say something that helps.