I don't like myself anymore.

I used to like myself and I try to live a kind and fair life. I believe in 'The Power of Now' and such like, yet I just can't seem to get my head around being loving to my SD16. She is actually a very good kid. I just hate living with her. Petty little things become big issues that I can't seem to get past. I just grit my teeth and try not to think about them. I rarely try to find a solution to the little irritations now as that just seemed to make things worse.

I know I should be able to change the way I see things and I'd be much happier if I did.

I don't know - I think I'm partly scared that if I'm much nicer then she takes advantage more, and worse she will end up staying with us longer.

Me being nice seems to equal her being happier and doing more that irritates me.

I feel so sorry for DH who keeps trying. He is so good and I hate myself all the more for hurting him in this process.

I swing like a pendulum between thinking logically about the situation and between giving in to my emotions of dislike, irritation, feeling taken advantage of, etc.

On the occasions I've really made an effort to put my resentments aside, I've done well, seen improvements, then completely blown up over something that then put us further back than we were before.

I don't know whether it is a blessing or a curse that I'm feeling unable to just leave. We have 4 dogs. I would have to be in a much worse situation to leave them as they would have to be re-homed.

My last 2 blogs were about pathetic things and I'm very grateful for the people who commented without judgement over how easy I do have it in comparison to some of the blogs I read.

This is a great site.

Kiby's blog
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You know, thank you, I could

You know, thank you, I could not have relayed how I feel more exactly. I wish I had words of wisdom, but I have the same delimna -if I am nicer will they just kick back enjoy and take advantage of me more. I'm so glad you said all this because it is what is in my heart. I feel I'm hurting dh too by backing off and that in turn makes my heart hurt. It's is a tough situation. I don't know what to do either and it's tearing my heart out. You are not alone. Let's figure it out.

Hi Sadstep I'm pretty new to

Hi Sadstep

I'm pretty new to this. I wrote some then went to check your profile, then came back and what I'd written had gone - so not sure if you got it or I just deleted it.

Anyway, I'm hoping this post just goes straight to you, not on open forum.

I wondered if it would help to get to know each other's situation a bit - maybe it would be easier to see things more clearly looking from the outside in. I certainly haven't been very successful looking at my own situation.

How are things with you?

I'm not going to be on line for a while, so hope to catch up with you tomorrow - or after you reply if you are not around just yet.

I'll look forward to hearing from you

Kiby

Kiby, I tried to send you a

Kiby, I tried to send you a message and it said Kiby doesn't accept private messages. You probably need to change a setting or something. I'd love to chat. I'll add you to my buddies list. My first buddy I've only been on here a week. Already learned so so much!

Thanks so much for your

Thanks so much for your replies - sorry I couldn't get back sooner.

I've thought and talked about conselling, however the cost has put us off - we are struggling a bit with money.

Additionally DH is a counsellor (he counsels in drugs and alchohol, but even so, he is a trained cousellor). This sometimes makes it worse as he tries to control things in an attempt to get everyone getting along together.

It sort of goes on and on with the petty little things that irritate me or the possible things we can do to make things better.

I think we are all getting quite weary with it all. I then wonder, maybe that's a good thing - and I'm off trying to find another way through this. I could just ramble on and on around in circles.

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