The smallest things just get blown out of all proportion.

On this occasion it was a mild disagreement about sharing some cake. If it had been anyone else arguing their corner, it would have been fine and even fun. Somehow it all goes horribly wrong when I stick up for myself. I guess I’m being too forceful or something??? Everyone goes quiet and an uncomfortable silence descends. I know DH is blaming me. His answer would be that I haven’t created the right environment to be able to have disagreements of this kind. No, I probably haven’t. Then again, he has allowed the kids to think it's a big deal.

We all keep trying, and trying, and trying.

DH and I are sick of it all. We love each other dearly. This wasn’t in our plans when we moved to Canada (from England) a year ago. We had planned to move here on our own and ended up with both his kids, SS18 & SD16, with us.

I never wanted kids let alone someone else’s. They are here because I felt sorry for them and they have stayed longer than they said they would. DH loves them and they are good kids. But I’m really struggling living with them. BM moved to Italy, so going back to their mum isn't an option.

Money is generally a big issue. I brought a lot to our partnership, he brought no capital (BM got that). Skids just expect me to spend my money on everything we need although they never voice that. DH and I have rowed and rowed about money. We have made some progress though. I have some left in UK which we are trying hard not to touch. We are surviving on DH wages (or trying to). My work permit has just come through so hope to get work soon.

I’m really struggling with resentment towards skids. If it wasn’t for them, we would have plenty of money. As it is, if we continue to spend my savings we will be broke by the time SD16 leaves after graduation. We had intended to move here and enjoy life. It’s just pretty difficult to do that under the circumstances.

I would like to be able to spend some of my savings on things for DH and me, but we can’t do that then turn round to SD and say we can’t afford to spend much on her Christmas presents.

So we are just trying to survive the next year and a half.

I feel so outnumbered. We now have 4 dogs with me trying to even up my side of things. Luckily everyone loves the dogs.

Everyone is off thinking I’m terrible now. But it will be me getting up in the morning to run SD to bus stop and SS to his job. And the resentment just grows inside me.

In comparison with most of the things you all have to put up with, this is mild, but it’s still hard to cope with. This is the first vent I’ve had on ST so I’m hoping it makes me feel better.