SS can be a little Sh….
I love him dearly, but SS is really starting to test my patience. He's lazy, sometimes smelly (I have to remind him daily to shower), and has started doing little sneaky stuff. I kinda want to chalk it up to those teenage hormones kicking in but I have NO intention of dealing with foolishness and am gonna nip this in the bud ASAP.
We are currently in a hotel room (that I paid for) on a vacation (that I paid/am paying for). I tell him he has to go to bed (we have an early morning tomorrow), so he starts rhymtically tapping the headboard. It's bothering me so I ask him to stop. Then he starts again. I let it go the first few times cause accidents happen right, but no he keeps at it. So I tell him again a bit more forcefully (menacing voice) to stop. He then smirks and pretends he was sleep. It takes all I have to not snarl at him(my face is a traitor and doesn't allow be to hid my emotions).
Lately, he's been doing things he knows he's not supposed to then smirking when I ask him not too. I'm not sure if he knows he smirks or if he's just that dang disrespectful. He's also started to pretend he doesn't hear his little sister (my DD) when she talks to him,and won't allow her to even look at his tablet when he's sharing TikTok videos with everyone else but always wants to share her tablet when his is unavailable.
Im a no nonsense person, if you have a problem say that, But be respect and don't mistreat my (or any) toddler(the term mama bear pales in comparison to me). It's also a catch 22 with him because he always wants MY attention but wants to ignore her. I'm not gonna ignore my child or allow you to especially in my presence when you're trying to get my attention. Also I find it a little ludicrous that you expect me to "be nice" when you're being a jerk.
I have half a mind to tell him to lay off it, or I'm gonna remove every possession I've given him (that's not a need) and won't buy/give him jack else. That's pretty much all his stuff, lol. Also that he's gonna have to go where his day goes or back to him moms early (he prefers me to both his parents).
I cannot stand disrespectful children/teens! Although I can understand the psychological stuff that he may be acting out because "it's safe to do so with me", I cannot and will not set a precedent of disrespectful behavior being ok. I want him to understand that should he choose to be disrespectful (outside of an occasional bad day because we all have them), I will choose to pull away.
Am I being to harsh? I do t have or have never been part of raising a teen, so I'm at a loss here.
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No you aren't being too harsh
No you aren't being too harsh. I could relate to everything you describe. Some kids are little s***s by nature and I'm sorry to say that when they are the skids, it feels worse because they're right in your personal space and daily life. Like you, I don't take that nonsense and disrespect from anyone, child or adult, that's living with me. I feel it does not matter whether it's a little one or a teen. The deal with family life is that, at a certain level, family is a team, we are all learning to co-exist, help each other out, be considerate and kind, whether we are kids or adults. I don't think it matters that you haven't raised a teen. It sounds like you're just being true to your values and have already made allowances for any acting out. Sounds reasonable to me
Thank you foe that! I'm glad
Thank you foe that! I'm glad somebody else understands!
Where’s his dad in all this ?
Does dad support you / back you when you ask him to stop doing annoying things ? Does he discipline him ? He should be.
I find it interesting he prefers you (that's a huge compliment ). My teen SS doesn't prefer me (the only one with clear firm rules ). So I would nip this disrespect for sure. Sounds like you have the grounds to do so. This is all sounding like normal teen stuff but it definitely needs to be acknowledged and corrected or it will continue and escalate.
I would get his bio on board if they aren't. I have a toddler also who my teen SS ignored. I don't stand for that nonsense. I let him know it is rude to ignore anyone who is speaking to you. I put it in general terms so not to specify your brother. Sounds like SS may be jealous of your toddler (as is /was my SS).
It might help to do one on one stuff with SS once a week or something like that.
I think it's fair to tell a teen I'm not acknowledging you until you are respectful to all members of our family. Some might not agree. I don't know enough about this kid to say if he would withdraw completely. I'm not sure I'd do this with my own bio but this kid has his dad so ....
DH works a lot so during the
DH works a lot so during the summer SS is mainly with me.
I think he prefers me because I discipline but also make time for him.
I tell him in the same way he's not "interested" in her, I'm not "interested" in him. We are at different points in our lives but I make an effort out of love so I think he should too.
he definitely has some jealousy issues. It's always "my dad"
Lay out the consequences
Lay out the consequences for your SS (don't start with something as draconian as removing everything but do find his currency) for poor behaviour and then follow through immediately when he pushes the boundaries. He will test you.
I've decided to go with work
I've decided to go with work for privileges. He doesn't have chores so I guess he feels it's his right. That's gonna change. Want to use my power to charge electronics? Do some dishes. No you can't do anything else until your room and body are clean! Things like that which should be happening anyway I know.