What has DH really done for your kids?
DH and I got into in this weekend and the bottom line is that he thinks that I was a poor step mom and he was a better step dad.
So I started thinking about all the stuff over the years - back to when kids were still at home and I tried to come up with stuff that one of us did for the SKids.
1. I took his kids to the dentist - orthodontist - dr - counselor. DH never took mine.
2. I helped pay for his kids ortho bill. DH never signed on the contract for mine.
3. I picked out a car, bought it and let SD drive it. 2 car accidents and 3 different cars in the ditch and I took it away. DH was not happy since "how is she going to get to school?" DH never wanted to let my kids drive anything of ours and when my dad gave BD a car DH was unhappy about it.
4. I visited schools with SD to help her pick a post high school course. DH never went to a school with my kids.
5. I cosigned on a loan for SD that she defaulted on and I had to pay off. DH then said we would not cosign for any of the kids but he never signed in the first place.
6. I took SD to a pagent that I morally objected to but she wanted to go. DH said it was a girl thing and wouldnt' I please take her. DH never took my son anywhere with just the two of them even if it was to something DH wanted to go to.
7. I went to concerts for my kids when they were in HS and sometimes DH would come along and sometimes not. I made every one but one of his kids concerts but one.
8. I set up educational accounts for the grandkids (6 from his kids and 2 from mine) out of my INHERITANCE. He has not contributed a penny to any of them.
9. I call the kids - all adults now and talk to them - bd, bs, and sd 30. He seldom calls any of the kids - except the sd sd31.
10. I don't call SD 31 and she does not call me.
11. Oh, yes, we had to get a restraining order against SS when he threatened to kill us. My son is a former marine who served in Iraq and the far East.
I could go on for hours with this one but I bet that you all have some good items to add.
Funny but the parent doing the least is usually the one accusing the other of not doing enough!
- joan mary's blog
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Comments
I think that a big problem is
I think that a big problem is the keeping score. Your DH not remembering the things you have done and comparing to what "he does" makes me think there is a bigger issue here. I would definitely be upset if I were in your shoes about the fact that it appears you have done more, but also about the fact that he seems to be keeping track. I would definitely show him this list, and maybe even wait a day as you will probably think of more to add to it.
Oh I will freely admit DH is
Oh I will freely admit DH is a better step parent than I am.
DH does NOTHING for my
DH does NOTHING for my girls...nothing.....but claims he does/has.....so, if you count TALKING as "doing something" for my Bios, then yes, DH is kick ass.... }:)
I did way more "stuff" for my
I did way more "stuff" for my ss15 than my dh did for my kids including raising him for a year by myself while he was in Iraq. However, this kid was and is such a antisocial thug that we no longer have contact with him.
However, my dh did the absolute ultimate thing for my children that I have been unable to do for his son-he has absolutely and totally loved them as his own. At home now we have my two bios and one joint child-he treats them all exactly the same and I have no doubt that he truly loves my children completely.
My DH definately does more
My DH definately does more for my kids then I now do for his. Does it bother DH? NO, he'll be the first to admit that his kids are losers who only wanted dad's money but not a relationship with him whereas my kids treat my DH better and are more involved in his life and they have genuine love for him that is reciprocated by DH.