Sick and Tired of the BS
So after all the Holiday BS I decided to give myself a month to calm down and let it pass. Things that seem so big and important at the time can (sometimes) be laughed about if I give it a rest. But here I am still unhappy about the sceen that SD31 made at Christmas. After 14 years of marriage to my DH and 14 years of trying to have a good relationship with her I think that I am done. I just don't have the will to pick up the phone and call her. The list of what she has done or not done over the years is huge but it is not the actual behaviors that are what have fried my fuse. At the base is that she is a princess and believes that she and her kids should be treated like one. She looks for any "slights" that others have given her and keeps tally - forever. Her idea of 50/50 is more like 70/30 if it in her favor. She would choke before she would ever say the words "I'm Sorry" or "I was wrong".
DH might see her behavior as bad but he is the one created this disaster of a human being. He is never going to be be mad at her or confront her with her primadonna behavior. While I might not like it - I can't change his behavior. I can only change mine.
So, I will let DH have his relationship with SD31 and I will be a casual observer. If he calls her, invites her over, or wants to go to her kids events that is fine. I might or might not go along. It will depend on how I feel at that time. I will keep my checkbook closed and let DH figure out birthday presents or other gifts.
It is sad for her kids. They will be short changed in time and attention but my DH can make up for this if he wants to. It is not my problem. I am sorry that this will buy into her theory that she never gets enough but I cannot fix this. A princess is never satisfied.
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I agree that she needs to get
I agree that she needs to get off her duff and get it herself. She wont but she should. She is a stay at home mom of 2 and baby sits one child 4 days a week. I work full time and help my husband part time with our business (50 - 60 hours a week total for each of us). She is chronically upset because we wont drive 2 hours each way to go to her childs t-ball game, dance practice, or other event. She says that she wants us "involved" but that means we go to her and do for her.
Ironically, she has nothing but negative things to say about the child she babysits because the child is so spoiled and demands that her parents cater to her every whim!
Last weekend I held a small
Last weekend I held a small birthday party for my grandson (GS)(9yo). His parents are divorced and his dad (my BS) lives out of state. Former DIL is okay with us taking GS for visits but not very often. We are never invited to any party or celebration for him at her home so if we want to have him then we host it. I sucked it up and invited the princess (SD31) and her kids. GS loves his cousins so it was for him. I paid for everyone to minigolf and for gourmet cupcakes. SD31 was unhappy that we did not go to the kid center that she wanted but she was willing to mini golf because she was not paying for anything. She did not like the cupcake flavor that was left when she got to the table and I had to buy her a differnt one. Seriously, 31 years old and she had to have a different flavor cupcake! I would have told her to shove it but I want GS to remember this as a happy event.
So DH says that the princess and her royalty children are coming to visit this weekend. Guess what? She needs something! She called DH and wanted him to help her with her taxes. She could not be bothered buying Turbo Tax herself. There are no groceries in the house, the bathroom needs cleaning, and I have plans for tomorrow. I will be gone for most of Saturday and if my errands finish early, I will make a few up. Of course, DH is delighted that they are coming and can't wait. I wonder how he will feel when I don't make dinner or do the dishes? I wonder where they will sleep? I am not making up the spare bedroom.
SIL is also coming along and I like him so I do feel a little bad for stiffing him. He deserves better but he did pick her! Of course, DH wants to PAY SIL for work that he volunteered to do (drywall taper)on our business this weekend. Never mind that all our money has gone into the business and we are broke. So we can buy Turbo Tax, do their taxes, print the taxes, feed them (4 total)all weekend, and then give them cash for a couple of hours work. DH does not see why I am so ungenerous.
It was hard to be less than
It was hard to be less than the good host that I usually am but I was the ice queen last weekend. I barely spoke to the princess, in fact, I barely acknowledged her. It felt glorious. After all the years of trying to make a nice relationship with her I finally quit beating my head against the wall. I was nice to her kids and to her husband. As far as she is concerned I have spent 15 years working on a relationship that is no closer than the day I met her. I am all out of "give a sh!!"
Funny, but it was so freeing. DH was sad that I was so aloof. I know that he has always wanted me to have a close Mother/Daughter relationship with her. What he cannot see is that the princess wants an audience who adores her and she wants the audience to be estatic to spend money on her. She has no desire for a relationship with me at all. She could not care less about me or my feelings. Oh, yes, she does care about my checkbook.
The best moment of the weekend was when her kids kept saying they were hungry on Sunday morning. The princess, her husband and DH were all just sitting round. The kids repeated this comment 2 or 3 times over a 30 minute period (I was in the other room). I got on my coat and announced I was going to the kennel (our business) for morning chores. DH looked puzzeled and asked about breakfast. I said I was not hungry. As I put on my boots, he said he could make breakfast, I said okay. As I put on my gloves he asked where the recipe was for pancakes! Mind you he has degrees in education and engineering. I replied that it was in the cookbook and walked out the door.
He came to the kennel and let me know when breakfast was ready and I came back to the house and just sat down at the table.
It was lovely.