Less than a week before DH's contempt case against BM
Wondering what this week will be like..... DH filed a contempt case against BM for her continued alienation of his relationship with his daughter...... Of course she claims he is just starting shit - her words exactly - and not her actions that have anything to do with it.
I simply do not understand...... she filed false allegations against DH and I, was proven to be a liar, and the judge changed the order to read that she stop alienating DH and SD's relationship, stop using 3rd parties to alienated DH and SD and was made to sign an agreement to stop the alienation. YET since court Sept 09 she has continued with worse actions. Taken 7 visitations, not sharing information, given false receipts for reimbursement, and is continuing to tell SD bogus crap and using 3rd parties to alienate......
AND DH is just starting "shit" in her mind - as he is sick of her mess. I mean really come on lady. Grow up, be mature and follow the court order. Things could be so much easier and no drama if she would just follow the court order. Instead she feels since she had a child with DH - she has a right to just act, react, do and block what she feels she wants to. I guess she would be happy if she blocked all visits, shared no information, erased DH basically except for the $$$$$ she gets every month. Just nuts.
I am expecting there will be some drama this upcoming week..... they go to court 12 July - and she was on vacation this weekend until today. I can just bet my paycheck that it will get more and more ugly as the week goes on.... plus DH is supposed to pick his daughter two weeks visitation on Saturday (2 days before court). Let's just see how that goes.
Just a vent.......... Guess I am having wishful thinking in secretly hoping..... it will be quiet since court is a week away.... regardless of if it is nor not..... I am sure she has something a brewing for us when the court case is over. I am sure she will attempt to fry us both for this one.
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I'm new to this site and just
I'm new to this site and just starting to understand the workings of alienation as we're going through it too right now. We are considering filing a contempt of court order in the next bit but have little faith that it will do anything. I hope it works out for your family and fingers crossed that the BM in your case will stop with the BS.
I just don't get why some BMs gotta keep digging and digging at their exes....it's like they get off on the drama or something. Geez.
Well, I believe my husband is
Well, I believe my husband is doing what is right in this matter. His daughter is only 7 years old and BM has been alienating him since her birth. It is all documented - letters written to school, doctors, camps, counselors and daycares blocking his access, false documentation given to officials, emails, lies told to doctors and schools, her friends harrassing my DH about child support and med costs that was paid (receipts to prove), text messages, counselors notes, teachers emails, etc. My DH has kept legal documentation in reference to BM alienating his relationship. BM has been caught in a lie when she filed a protective order stating he tried to kill her the morning before he was given joint custody - but in court said he was a good father and she saw no reason he should not.
BM has gone above and beyond to alienate in this case - and it is to the point where DH is missing his court ordered time with his child, lied to counselors, filed false charges for a protective order and custody case (abuse), lied to the daughter and everything else. BM wants him out of the picture and wants to still collect child support - as she keeps putting on facebook.
StepAside - DH has been ADVISED by the TRAMA counselor BM chose to take SD to - and her advise was to get a lawyer and a guardian ad litem involved as to the brainwashing and alienation at BM's hands. IT IS ALSO DOCUMENTATED AS WELL!!!!!!! BM is so far deep into her own issues that she told the counselor she was doing this cause she hates DH, hates he got married and is not going to facilitate a positive relationship at all. She also mentioned not getting enough money or and having to drive to meet him. SHE is not following the court order and DH and SD relationship is suffering as a result. HOWEVER i guess BM should be allowed to continue alienation all because she is the mother and her actions should never be questioned right. Baloney!!!!!!! The judge gave her the opportunity to straighten up in Sept 09.... and had her to sign a memorandum of agreement to stop the alienation.
Stepaside - as parents - both DH and BM are supposed to follow the court order and facilitate positive relationships with the other parent, facilitate positve enviornments to grow up in and love their children - more than the hatred they may feel for the other parent.
ALIENATION in my opinion is abuse.... and when it is this severe it must stop. we are speaking of a woman who sends her child to visit (when she does send her) with 8 - 9 medications and tells my DH to give each one of them to the child.... BUT when we called the doctor - she is not to get those meds - some are discontinued and the rest were as needed for "allergies" that we have never experienced at our home. AND they were only to be used on a AS NEEDED BASIS!!!!!!
There are circumstances when some BMs are having serious issues that can affect the child worse then filing a court case. AND i would be ashamed as a mother to sit back and say - hey lets just let her continue her "hateful" actions which are hurting her own precius daughter - so that mommi dearest does not look bad in court.
I mean really!!!!!!!! Look back at the blogs and see the ordeal that has been going on. thanks for your advice StepAside - however it does not fit in this case...... DH is not just filing a contempt case to "smack mommi on the wrist" this case has gotten serious..... and there is a little girl involved in the middle of her mom's inability to adjust and realize she did not get pregnant on her own - the courts gave DH joint custody - the court order pertains to them both - and that SD is more than a paycheck.
THANK GOD that the courts allow contempt cases to be filed when it needs to be. Cause all parents do not follow court orders or do what is in the best interest of their child!
I for one and glad and proud of my DH for not allowing BM's actions to deter him from wanting his relationship with his daughter and fighting tooth and nail to keep in his daughter's life. Sitting back and taking the non-active approach will not help him remain in his kids life at all. If BM didnt want to be in this situation or be in contempt - she should follow the court order - like DH does!
DH fought this in court
DH fought this in court several times, sadly at my push. Everytime we'd go we'd leave hurt & disappointed. BM would bring skids...one on each arm. At first, they would hug DH & tell him they love him, but they were there to support BM. DH would be sad & want to just leave it alone. I kept telling him how important it was for his kids to know that he did everything in his power to have relationships with each of them. I kept telling him that his kids needed to know they were important enough to him to continue making the efforts he could make. The last time we were in court, neither of his kids were speaking to him. His son & BM embellished on a situation that had taken place in which they told the judge that DH walked into a gas station & started threatening people trying to fight. The only truth to the story was that we went to a gas station. SS & I were the only ones who went inside. I had to prepay. DH stayed at the pump to pump the gas. SS was pissed at DH that day because it was nearing the court date. Judge determined it would be up to the kids to decide whether or not they wanted to visit DH. I'm not going to say that DH was wrong to continue the push in court. Had it not been backed up with BM's efforts to alienate, I don't think DH would've had to handle it that way. Looking back, I can't really say that giving up after the first trip to court would've been better. I'm not really sure at what point skids were pushed to resent their dad. We were not fortunate enough to have a judge willing to hear anything about PAS. We didn't have a lawyer. Really, between BM, her lawyer, & a close-minded judge, I guess we were pretty well screwed from the get-go. I guess all-in-all, I do stand by our choice to continue through court. His kids are old enough to understand that the choice was theirs to make. They'll never be able to say DH didn't do everything in his power to be in their lives. It'll fall on them & BM.
Yeah, it is sad the levels
Yeah, it is sad the levels some parents stoop to. DH had been keeping every piece of documentation he can - her letters, emails, court order, protective order, and transcripts of each court case, counselor notes, teachers letters, all of it (7 years worth - he has several binders worth). If BM does succeed..... and SD wants no part of DH - if she gets old enough to ask what went on and why things happened... He will be able to give her the truth and allow her to understand he did fight tooth and nail to remain in her life.
My heart hurts for the kids who parents are torn out of their lives - and for the parents who courts just really do no justice for. The only reason our BM was even caught alienating is because she "documents" everything with DH - sends emails, signed letters, etc.... then goes to the counselor and speaks her mind and anger, tells the teacher the same things..... She feels since she lives out of state - DH will have no knowledge of these things. However he is so active in SDs life that she is not succeeding - and that seems to anger her as well.
All i can do is pray for her and remain positive for my DH and SD. The rest is up to the courts.......
We have been lucky so far -
We have been lucky so far - DH had not used a lawyer up until she filed the custody case alleging abuse. Up until then he just presented what she had done in court - and was awarded more time with SD and better guidelines each time. They have been to court at least 2 times for custody - visitation issues a year and sometimes 3 - 4 times for child support.
We could not afford that if he was not as articulate in court as he is, if i had not been a legal tech in a previous job, or if she (BM was not leaving as much damning information out there as she does.)
My question is how does she fund all the lawyer she has had.... she is now on her third one.
DH (in the contempt case) is
DH (in the contempt case) is asking for time restitution of the 7 weekend visits she took, asking for the lawyer fees to be paid, for reimbursement of gas of driving to the meeting location (1.5 hours one way - 3 hours total trip) and not being made aware BM was not showing. AND whatever else the judge sees fit. It makes no sense to ask for BM to go to jail.... .then she will not get the help she needs. She needs intensive therapy or counseling.
Since Sept 09 the judge put a no alienation clause in the court order, and had BM sign an memorandum of understanding that she would not further alienate. So DH is going to ask that if she is found in contempt - to have sole custody or at least get SD to live here in VA.
Our main concern now is that BM is doing all of this - and has never been found in contempt. What happens if she is...... SD needs to be out of that toxic enviornment for sure. We are going to make sure the judge is aware of the situation at hand. AND The mis-information about the medications and BM passing bogus receipts for payment dr appts, meds and dentist appointments.
It is a shame it even has to come down to filing a contempt case against her mother at all. It all would be so much easier if she would just follow the dang court order and stop alienating. She can hate DH and myself all she like - hey it's her opinion, her feelings, her life...... just don't allow those feelings to make you treat your child the way you do and alienate the child from her father.