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Two missed visitations - thoughts

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Submitted by ICanMakeIt on Thu, 10/15/2020 - 12:20pm

I'll try to be brief and include a lot of pertinent information.

This is about a coworker/friend's situation. I've been sharing what I've learned here and my own experience but we've moved into new territory.

Coworker's husband has full custody of children. Mother walked out years ago and was not in communication at all until co worker entered to picture.

Mother has visitation only no custody.

Mother's own family testified against her in court for full custody to be given to dad.

A thank you and a follow up question.

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Submitted by ICanMakeIt on Mon, 09/14/2020 - 10:09am

My DH has two adult SKs. Both PAS to an extent. They both were MIA for 5 years or so, but the eldest in the last couple years has made great strides and they've reconnected. The other not so much. There have beent two grandchildren born to the 2nd Adult SK and while my DH reached out to both adult SKs at the same time,(a couple weeks before 1st grand kid) only the eldest ever responded and as mentioned a new more adult respectful relationship has emerged. 

What to get SS

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Submitted by ICanMakeIt on Fri, 08/14/2020 - 1:04pm

SS has a birthday next month - 16. 

Now I'm unsure if for boys 16 is as big a deal as for girls, but I feel like probably so.

What do you get a child that has everything? Already got a vehicle, has all the games, has plenty of cash (also I hate giving cash seems thoughtless but I know as a kid we all liked it). 

My SS is not "into" anything. Like seriously ....other than Youtube and his games (which he has all of including newest this Summer). 

Random question - EX W and same last name

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Submitted by ICanMakeIt on Wed, 08/05/2020 - 12:26pm

This is super random and doesn't bother me much, but someone else's post got me thinking.

DH has two ex wives with children.

The 1st never to this day got remarried. The kids have both been married and divorced themselves so late 20's early 30's age wise kids.Their mom has never changed her name.

2nd ex remarreid and took new guy's name.

Would you offer to pay to have 1st ex change her last name? LOL random I know...but why wouldn't she have at this point? I think it's like $100 bucks. 

The Playbook

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Submitted by ICanMakeIt on Mon, 06/29/2020 - 12:43pm

I think it's safe to say a lot of us have seen the same situations played out by some of these HCBMs so many times that "playbook" is an accurate description of the shenanigans.

I'm really frustrated with how much financial havoc these people can cause.

Even with a CO and many DHs paying the CS on time without fail, the premiums for insurance, the out of pocket %'s it is never enough.

A nice story for once.

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Submitted by ICanMakeIt on Fri, 06/26/2020 - 8:13am

I normally come here to vent and/or ask advice on our PAS in progress SKs (mostly SS). 

Last night however, I think just maybe I saw his guard come down and a little kid come out. We were driving after dinner to pick up some dessert. DH and I were up front and SKs in the back. We were all being silly singing some dumb song I don't even remember which one. 

SS from the back seat said something that I couldn't quite hear nor could DH so he asked him what he said...and the kid sheepishly said, "THIS family is fun". 

Would you bother telling BM

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Submitted by ICanMakeIt on Mon, 06/22/2020 - 10:22am

If it came to your attention that something negative your SK said about their BM's husband to you and your DH was blamed on you, would you bother telling BM?

There is minimal email contact with DH and BM and she's super high conflict. I have zero contact with her.

This weekend SS mentions that SD told BM I called their Step dad a name....SD is actually the one that called him this name.This was a while back.

SD also blamed me for how she dressed when she infact was the one that chose her clothing on a return trip. 

Why can't SK have his own opinion/want/desire

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Submitted by ICanMakeIt on Thu, 06/18/2020 - 9:16am

Have any of you dealt with  SK that is a good kid in general but manipulated so badly(In my opinion) they genuinely don't know where their own thoughts start and their BM's stop? Or have no thoughts of their own? And if they do dare have a thought or curiousity about something the one parent (in our case HCBM) can strike it down so quickly and completely they don't put up any sort of defense or backbone even if they were adamant about it with the other parent? Worse yet, revise history to the point you think you dreamed a scenario when in fact you know it was said/happened. 

Well its happening - mini pity party below

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Submitted by ICanMakeIt on Mon, 06/15/2020 - 1:40pm

Summer with SKs has begun. We haven't seen them since Christmas thanks to Covid. 

SS has made the turn...Its not full fledge PAS but he is so guarded and 100% Mom-centric. There is not an equal parenting respect. Thats not to say he's a bad kid, just acts like DH is a fun uncle he sees once in a while vs. Dad, if that makes sense.

DH has fought for these kids forever. We have made epic trips when money was tight, and valuable vacation time ONLY spent on picking and dropping off and driving half way across the country. 

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