I’ve had it
Honestly, after this week, I've about had it. (Granted, some of my frustrations stem from ongoing health issues, but still...)
Early this week, when we went to bed around 11, we heard SS14's voice coming from his room. DH knocked and took SS's phone (there used to be a "no electronics at night" rule for him, but apparently DH forgot to restart it after Christmas). Told him to put his phone out at 9:30 every night. Two nights ago, no phone. DH and I both didn't think to look (out of the habit) so DH called him on it and told him every time he forgets or "forgets", he loses phone privileges the next day.
Fine.
On weeks he's with us, SS rides the bus after school to his mom's and goes to the gym with her. BM told DH she wouldn't be going Tuesday and Thursday this week, so SS would ride the bus to our house. Fine. Yesterday, DH got a text from SS at school asking if he could go to the gym with BM. Assuming she'd had a change of plans, DH said yes.
After school, DH gets a text from BM saying SS just turned up at her house. She wasn't expecting him. Said she'd drop SS off at our house in a few. Then DH gets another text saying she was going to just go ahead and take SS to the gym before her meeting.
What?!
So, this kid lets DH believe he cleared the gym with BM, rides the bus to her house when she wasn't expecting him (and might not have been home), then gets rewarded by getting to do what he wanted? What he did was dangerous snd manipulative.
If I were BM I would have ripped him up one side and down the other before dumping his ass at DH's to let him finish the chewing out. Instead, she didn't say a word to SS about it. Just gave him what he wanted.
DH did get onto him about it, which just earned eye rolls and blank stares from SS. Frankly, I think DH should have just said no gym for a while, or, when NM said she was taking him, should have told her to bring him to our house right now. It's a safety issue.
Snd setting aside the fact that he has bad grades and got in trouble at school, so why is he getting to do fun stuff this week anyway?
Whatever. This kid is disrespectful (not in the extreme -- I've seen worse). He thinks he calls the shots (which I guess he does). Has no work ethic. Is spoiled, self-centered and entitled in the extreme.
DH recently complained that I never say anything positive about SS. Honestly, I'm baffled about what I'm supposed to say. I realize the way he is is BM and DH's fault, but he's old enough to have done accountability or show some sort of positive attributes.
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Comments
My SS is an arrogant self
My SS is an arrogant self entitled jerk so I know the feels you are going through. Especially when he does something disrespectful and gets absolutely no accountability or consequence for it. I have zero tolerance for bad behaviour in my house now and I make him aware of his bad behaviour infront of my bio kids and he hates it. He says a smart one liner, and I just get so angry I have to walk away before I throw something at him. He's almost 13 so I think hormones and puberty play a part too, it's just a shitty age at the moment.
But the main problem
Is DH not parenting his son. DH not taking control of SS. BM just plays with SS also not parenting him
DH recently complained that I
DH recently complained that I never say anything positive about SS.
"Well DH, he isnt in jail, apparently isn't doing drugs, and as far as we know hasn't gotten anyone pregnant. How is that for saying something prositive about SS?"
Pretty much what I thought.
Pretty much what I thought.
A few times in the past he's complained that I never share anything about SS in my family text string. I share if he has a great baseball game. Other than that, what am I supposed to say? "We thought SS was going to flunk English, but he pulled out a D!" Or "SS made it through the evening without rolling his eyes!"
My SKid never did anything overly horrendous.
Though Ihis mom and I expected his best. He was one to avoid any limelight. He gravitated to the middle. My mom would play the "Go easy on him, he isn't doing drugs or anything like that." I pointed out to her that avoiding things he should't be doing is not an accomplishment and that she had never tolerated any crap and just not doing things that should not be done was not good enough.
I got THE look for bringing that up.
Just not doing wrong is not doing something notable. Not mentioning something positive when there is nothing other than basic is the usual cry of failed parents trying to demonize a SParent to polish the behavioral turd children that the failed parent saddles the SParent's life with. Sparents have non rose colored glasses distorted views that are reality based and not clouded by the not myyyyyy baby is not that bad perspective.
Very true on the "not doing
Very true on the "not doing bad things is not a major accomplishment." Not when a kid has every possible advantage.
With DH, it's projection. He doesn't feel connected to SS. He also is well aware of his kid's shortcomings. But he feels guilty about it all and sometimes projects that onto me. I turn it around on him and he doesn't do it much anymore. Luckily he's with it enough to admit it when I call him on it.
I think SS is one reason he doesn't like my family gatherings. He sees my sisters' kids joking and interacting warmly with relatives and it's in his face that his kid acts like an unpleasant lump.
My SO has also said I say
My SO has also said I say nothing good about SS. Well there isn't any thing expect for like you said Rags.
I got the whole "you just hate my kid"
I got the whole "you just hate my kid" thing a few times.
Caused me to roll my eyes because it was always obvious that no I did NOT just hate princess powersulk...not after all the time I spent with her, and taking her to hair dresser and nails and parks.
But I did stop complaining about her and just let him do it.