No Thank You, That's Quite All Right.
Here's what I get to say a big fat NO to this week:
NO, I'm not going to Mother's Day brunch with BM and all of SS' friend's mommies. And certainly not at 9 months pregnant when I'd have to stay sober!
NO, DH - we are not spending our new baby's first Christmas out of state with BM's family.
NO, I am not silly, childish, hormonal, or wrong for objecting to either of these things and thinking they are frickin' ridiculous.
My plan for Mother's day is now to take my favorite rolling pin and get it bronzed. Perhaps the extra heft will make the beatings more effective.
Seriously, how else can I explain this so he understands?
I do not want to be BM's friend. We are civil and that's fine, but it's not going any further than that. Perhaps another time, after BM stops treating our household like BM's Personal Payday Loan & Tool Rental Emporium.
And BM's parent's are not my DH's parents. They're lovely, they really are, but they aren't going to treat our son the same as they do my SS (nor should they be expected to). But this is our family, our marriage, and though I respect the close relationship my DH has with BM's family, isn't it fair to expect him to try to make some time for mine, too?
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Ditto. That is really
Ditto.
That is really strange.
I agree. Sister wives all the
I agree. Sister wives all the way.
DH has said that he simply
DH has said that he simply sees BM as a "wayward cousin" or an acquaintance he has to put up with from time to time. I honestly do not think he wants to go back to her at all.
From what I've seen, I truly believe DH just wants what's best for SS. He's just got this completely bonkers philosophy about dealing with BM - because being nice will make everything ok. The stupidest thing is, he talks all the time about how fake she can be, but he wonders when these invitations make me wary.
And with the family thing? He and BM got married young. DH's mom is an irresponsible drunk with good intentions, but she was never much of a mother. DH's dad burned through like 6 marriages, has kids all over the country and was never really there. BM's parents and her two brothers are the closest thing he's really had to a functional family. So I understand the closeness, but FFS - you can't just have your old family the way it's always been and tack a new wife on the end.
That's how it feels. I'm a post it note, stuck over BM's face (but she is still there and wants to borrow something).
Okay this would be really
Okay this would be really nice for bday parties for your SS and things like HS/College graduations. But the rest of this is just weird.
Yeah, we do this for SS
Yeah, we do this for SS stuff, and it works out well. BM has hosted SS' birthday parties the last three years at her place, and we've gone each time and it's fine, SS is happy and un-stressed. I'll always be on board for those kind of events - but there must be BOUNDARIES for crying out loud!
Mother's Day with BM. Put
Mother's Day with BM. Put that on the list of things I will NEVER be doing.
Christmas with BM's family. Put that right underneath the Mother's Day brunch. Not happening.
sounds like they've never
sounds like they've never divorced emotionally, which means you ARE the other woman. why are you tolerating this? you're going to have to get mean here. this crap has absolutely NOTHING to do with what is best for SS, it is what feels good to your DH. all your SS requires is that his parents are business like and cordial. I don't know why he even bothered to re-marry and then not create a new life with his wife. bm's family is NOT his family. i'd give this man an ultimatum: bm and her family or me and OUR family. sounds like the two of you could use marriage counseling (not "family" counseling).