SHE IS SENDING SS BACK!!!!
BM called last week drunk, said she can't handle her son any longer. Hubby said call me when your sober! Sunday morning the phone rings. I am done will you take him. After many phone calls in the last 2 days he is comming back tomorrow. Is there anyone out there with some advice. He is a really messed up kid. What am I in for?? Don't get me wrong. I am very happy about providing my SS with a fresh start but am not really clear on what I am in for!
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I would
Take him to the doctor to have SS checked out for any health issues he may have that you may not be aware of. Have the dr. recommend a good counselor for SS. Be prepared for anything, hope for the best but prepare for the worse. BM may not even send the child with the basics like clothes and shoes so you may have to hit the mall or the thrift store to get him outfitted properly. Make sure BF has child support stopped if he is paying any. BM can sign a note stating she is leaving SS with BF for x amount of time or indefinately and that will end child support payments to her.
Try to enjoy Easter and make SS feel very wanted and love without letting him think rules don't apply to him. Start small with rules and stucture - like making his bed everyday and moving to bigger chores and responsibilities.
Good luck and remember we are all here for you!
Be empathetic but don't feel too bad
I got the same call in mid November from my husband.SD16 was enroute because her BM had enough for the 20th time. BM is very inconsistent and always wanted her back. DH and I were the punishers- "see how mean they are?" Well we took her and certainly be prepared to provide clothing, toiletries, a place to sleep. Nothing was sent with her, not even basic things like clothing, feminine stuff which she needed and I don't have to use anymore. Many trips to the store for all of the things she needed. Be prepared for the expense. Then the school enrollment. I would suggest that your DH handle all of this. I didn't want to lie but some of the counselors questions had to be handled with alot of sensitivity. BM stopped the CS then contested it and we ended up paying for food, clothes, transportation EOW for visits with BM (after all gotta foster that relationship, right?). Whole experience lasted 2 months and damned near cost us our marriage. Definately take SS to the MD and counseling. SD16 refused the counseling but everytime she went home BM took her to the MD. We think that we were too easy on SD feeling sorry that her BM is such a nut. SD took total advantage of that and after flunking one class, D-'s in 3 others shewent home and left her BM's after one week and now lives with her boyfriend and is flunking out of alternative ed. DH agrees that he should have been a firm, loving father for the first 6 months then see if he could back off. Myself- it will take a long time for me to forgive the manipulation that both SD and BM put us through. Love, discipline, provide expectations for him and stick to it, then rewards for everyone.