So, we're now at the time the SS (now 14) comes to live with us and SD (now 13) and SS (now are all living with us. The two youngest we found out were molested and my mom and grandma had died earlier in the year.....
I could go into every detail about the molestation case, but there's really nothign to say. CPS decided not to go any farther (mind you, SD is torn and BOTH kids are telling them who did it.) Because CPS thinks the children where inconsistent (WHAT!?!?! Read a book idiots, even I know that's common). Regardless, we take the BM back to court and DH wins full legal and residential custody of the kids with BM getting court supervised visits 2 hours a month. Pathetic eh??!??!
But NOW DH decides the kids need to start calling me mom, he doesn't ask me about it, just one day he goes into the kids rooms and the next minute they are calling me mom, he, of course, denies the whole thing, but I'm not an idiot. SS5 (at the time) was calling me "Dawn mommy" and I was weirded out about that, so I'm not sure why DH thought it was a good idea to go even farther.
Well, so once a month we go for two hours to see BM. SD wont' go back to the visitation room, but she sits in the waiting room with us. And SS8 goes back, but cries before we go and cries as soon as we leave because he hates going.
So DH at this point has decided that he's going to start calling them "our kids". He's going to make sure everyone thinks I'm the mom (I'm fkn 27, she's 13, I don't want people thinking I'm the mom, that's twisted.) And he won't let up about it. He gets mad AT ME, when I say "your kids" or if someone asks how many kids we have and I say "DH has 3, and our first together is on the way."
I'M NOT THE ONE WHO HAD KIDS WITH A DEAD BEAT!!!!! TWO DEAD BEATS!! So why he gets mad at me, is so infuriating!! He even has his friends and family saying things like "well, you're already a mom" and all that other bs. Yes, I do mom things, Yes, I do everything for them, Yes, I'm with them more than even DH at this point, but I'M NOT THEIR MOM!! Is is selfish for me to feel like this????? To me, I'm not officially a mother until this kid pops out in November.
Grr, now I've gotten myself all riled up. But my life is pretty much a sham. DH wants everyone acting like their this big happy family, when in all reality, all of his kids need therapy and he REFUSES and I need someone to talk to and he REFUSES and as far as I'm concerned, he probably needs the most help of us all and he REFUSES.
To top it all off, his parents now pull the same B.S. about "you're their mom". Grrrr!! I need a freakin' vacation.
And it's sad, because I'm so excited for my baby boy to get here in November and I feel like he's being born into this screwed up family that everyone wants to think isn't screwed up. I'm afraid to leave him around the oldest SS b/c he's mean and a smart ass, and I'm afraid to leave him around SD b/c she's never got a full healing from what's happened and I don't want her doing stuff to my kids and the other SS is only 8 so he seems to be the most normal, but he's only 8 who knows what kind of psychological problems will come out later..
I do worry all the time about Post Partum Depression, and I think talking here has really started to help already, but at the same time it's just reinforcing what I've always thought about things and DH won't listen to them.
I guess ultimately I just feel stupid for getting married to someone with kids, but I love him, I just wish he didn't have the kids. Or even if he did and there wasn't all this other b.s. to put up with that he won't address, that I have to deal with.
I just wanna scream sometimes THEY AREN'T MY KIDS!!!! Is this wrong??
Dawn