Yesterday was horrible. I spent from 3AM to about 5PM cleaning and making the house look decent. DH did help, but he always half-asses the cleaning. I decided to invite some of my family over to help with my comfort level. DH got SD7 at 5:30. The night went awful. His family is full of a bunch of f****** stupid a** gall-d***** f***tards. SD7 decided that she was going to smack the hell out of her cousin and he did it back, so I made them sit on opposite sides of the couch. Well, SD7 got cocky with me and says:

SD7 yelling: When is this going to end?!
Me: What?
SD7: You....
Me: What? What is it SD?
SD7: I don't have to listen to you. All I hear is wahhwahhwahh...
Me: Go to your room.
SD7: No. I'm telling Daddy and you WON'T get away with this.
Me: Go for it.

She goes to tell DH, but he shushes her since his BIL was talking. SD then takes to her room. I didn't play nice, I yelled at DH and told him to go deal with his f****** daughter because I am DONE. I didn't care that his entire family was there. Well, DH's sister, we'll call her Kong, decided she NEEDED to get in the middle of this drama (as usual). DH and I told SD7 she was NOT to leave her room until told so. Kong went in and told her it was ok to come out. Kong THEN BERATED me for yelling at her. Saying that I have no idea what is going on at BM's house or why SD acts this way. Kong says that things will be fine once we get custody (to hell with that, not happening) and that SD will 'learn to respect' me.

Ok a little about Kong, she has 3 boys. They destroy EVERYTHING (pretty sure I've blogged about it). They are little terrors and anyone that knows them says so (even their maternal and paternal grandparents!) So Kong is THE LAST PERSON to give parenting advice to ANYONE. And Kong has never been in the 'stepparent' position.
His family believes that regardless of how she acts or where she came from I should "treat and love her as my own". Sorry, it doesn't work that way. I DON'T love her. I don't even LIKE her. I used to. SD and I did get along at one point.
Anyway, DH talked to SD. And then came out to tell me that SD is mad at him and wants to know why he is acting this way. I told him that he needs to tell her he is disciplining her because she is being disrespectful. He just shook his head and walked away.

Later in the night I asked DH when SD was supposed to go home and BOOM, all of a sudden she is SPENDING THE NIGHT. Smh...

Later after everyone left (at freakin 3AM when I had to work today and be up at 530 [my family is cordial and left at 10 since they knew I had to work]) and I was pissed at his entire family. DH asked me what was wrong. I tried to keep calm about it, play nicely. Then that lump rose in my throat and the word vomit came spewing out.

I told DH that I wish SD didn't exist. That our lives would be 400 times better if he'd have just worn a condom. I'd had these feelings for so long and always kept them bottled up because I felt like a horrible person for having them. I told him that if he can't stick up for me against his family and his daughter, how can I expect HIM to respect me? I went off. I said so much I can't even remember half of it. I was bawling because I was SOOO angry!

But DH just said he understood, held me and apologized. He said he would 'work on it'. I hope he means it this time. I don't think I can handle another minute with that child or his family. SD will not be coming over anymore. DH said he will take her to his moms or sisters to play. He is treating me tonight. Said we will have an 'indoor picnic' (it's too hot outside and my health + heat = very bad things) and a movie. No phone calls, computer, kid, nothing.

I feel horrible for having so much hatred toward his family, but they all act like I am a 12 year old who can't do anything without their input. I've done everything I can for SD and tried to do the best I can, nothing has worked. I feel bad for these feelings I have regarding her, and I am sure there might be a few people here that will go out of their way to point out just how horrible I am, but I cannot help the way I feel. After 5 years of doing everything I can, I have gotten no where with her.

I just don't know what I am supposed to feel anymore. Too much animosity and hatred in my veins right now.